Eats of Glory: Top Ten Olympic Foods
As you probably know if you aren’t living under an extraordinarily large rock, it’s Olympics time! Around here, that means one thing: Carb-loading. No, we’re not running the Olympic marathon, we’re merely preparing to stuff our faces while watching the Dream Team play inexplicably mediocre basketball, witness 15-year-old Russian girls twist themselves into unnatural positions, and see athletes from around the globe keel over from pollution inhalation. Now that’s gonna take some serious energy. On our part. Can we say take-out? Here’e a look at our Top Ten Olympic Carb-Loading Foods:
10. Toasted Ravioli
The Italians may think they have a leg up on the competition with their gigantic pasta dishes, but we Americans took their pasta and made it our own. How? By breading it and deep-frying it, of course! The St. Louis chefs who invented this tastiness get bonus points for the creatively misleading naming. No one would be crazy enough to order something called fried, breaded ravioli. But toasted ravioli? Sign us up.
Estimated Carbs: 85 grams
9. Fried Chicken and Waffles
Who says carb-loading means you gotta give up meat? This Harlem classic gives you all the protein you need, and doesn’t skimp on the sugar. A giant waffle topped with fried chicken, gobs of syrup and butter. Can I get some toast with that?
Estimated Carbs: 100 grams
What exactly is in a Cinnabon cinnamon roll, anyway? The official story is “warm dough filled with our legendary Makara cinnamon and topped with freshly made cream cheese frosting.” Now, I think we’ve all tasted cinnamon, dough and cream cheese before, and we know that Cinnabon tastes like none of these things. Every bite is so full of powerful, artificial sugar-y stuff that it’s hard to imagine how they get so much sickly-sweetness into such a small space. However they do it, they deserve an award.
Estimated Carbs: 115 g
7. Pina Colada
The great thing about mixing cocktails is you can always use a little less of the sweet stuff if you’re counting carbs. Unless you’re using exclusively sweet stuff, of course. Aaaah, the pina colada, a.k.a. adult candy in a glass. Start with a healthy dose of Malibu coconut rum (the kind that smells/tastes like sunblock), and mix with coconut cream and pineapple juice. Top that with a maraschino cherry and a wedge of pineapple. You should be in a coma for the rest of the Olympics.
Estimated Carbs: 120 g
6. Baked Ziti Pizza
Photo: NYPD Pizza
You gotta love watching tourists come into New York pizzerias as their faces go “mmm…oh that looks nice…ok….interesting…WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?” And that’s when you know they’ve caught site of the baked ziti pizza. What a delicious and completely unnecessary invention. Hey, sometimes you can’t decide between pizza and pasta and you just want to eat an entire serving of pasta on top of a plate of pizza. What’s so wrong with that?
Estimated Carbs: 140 g