I wanted Christian Siriano to win. The clothes, the ingenious asymmetrical haircut and the adorable arrogance all in a 4 foot tall perfect package. I was cheering for him all through the Project Runway finale as he bopped around with threads, winked at the camera and snapped at his own fierceness….until he told a size -1 model “don’t eat!” after fittings. My mouth hung open at this comment (not attractive considering it was full of cheesy lasagna) and it got me thinking. Not about how women don’t need to be stick thin to be beautiful. That argument’s been done a thousand times and reiterated by Tyra Banks ten thousand times more. Christian’s quip about food rejection simply made me hungry, even after digging into my second helping of lasagna. His comment made me think about…sandwiches. I do love a good sandwich. For the rest of the finale, I wasn’t on the edge of my seat debating who will rule the runway. I was thinking: If these finalist were a sandwich, what kind of sandwich would they be?
Let’s start with Chris. Now, I actually didn’t mind human hair on clothes, but I do mind them in my sandwiches. Thankfully, at Primanti Brothers in Pittsburgh, I never found one. These sandwiches are extravagant, layered, grandiose goodness….and more importantly, as burly as the PR finalist himself. Pounds of Italian ham, Swiss cheese, coleslaw. All topped off with fries IN the sandwich. A little much for most people, but so was that fugly jacket that got Chris kicked off in the first place so there you go. Chris, I honor you with the roast beef sandwich at Primanti brothers.
Jillian‘s accent may placed her firmly on Long Island, but her clothes stepped straight out of French Vogue. However, she rubbed me the wrong way. Like a French- dipped sandwich. Every time I’ve had one it’s turned into a slop of soggy bread. And Jillian’s moments of drama (gracefully falling to her stitching table and whispering “I can’t do this…”) were messy. Jillian, here’s your French Dip Sandwich from Phillipe’s in LA. Enjoy le mess.
Rami, you stone faced robot stylist, not everyone lounges around in curtains while fanning helpers dangle drapes…I mean grapes…over their faces in case they get hungry. We’re not Greek Goddesses, though I have been told that by a drunk bar patron once. Rami’s finale fashion did break him out of that mold, but in honor of his Grecian style, I give him the Broadway Turkey Cheddar sandwich from Gandolfo’s New York Deli, conveniently located in Draper, Utah.
Now back to Christian. Fierce clothes deserve a fierce sandwich. I bring you back to his hometown of Annapolis and inside one of the best deli’s around: Chick & Ruths. This kitchy little diner is home to a sandwich that will blow people away (like that two-toned brown feathery dress, so haute). The Super- Duper- Colossal sandwich at Chick & Ruth’s is 5 pounds of turkey and corned beef served with melted cheese, sauerkraut and Russian dressing, between two itty bitty pieces of rye bread. The sandwich could eat Christian, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the meat is really just ground up past PR contestants. Christian, honey, I award you the Super Duper Colossal Sandwich (snap). Don’t give any to that waify model.
Model Photo: Slate