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Costanza was Wrong

Costanza was Wrong

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I’m sure everyone remembers the extremely profound episode of Seinfeld that dealt with the sensitive issue of “double dipping.” Costanza gets in a fight when his girlfriend’s brother Timmy chastises him for dipping a chip in dip, taking a bite, and returning the bitten chip to the bowl for more dip.

A little disgusting but a little bit necessary, to re-dip or not to re-dip is a burning question we all face from time to time. One dip just can’t feasibly grab the correct ratio of chip to dip. You really need that second submersion to get two perfect bites of chip and dip, but unless you’re eating the whole bag by yourself at home  , there’s always that worry that someone at the party might be waiting to publicly out your double dipping. So what to do???

The answer you’ve been waiting for, after the jump.

Wonder no more, because America’s scientists have been able to tear themselves away from stem-cell research and space exploration for long enough to offer some conclusive evidence on the infamous double dip. Some of the finest minds at Clemson University have conducted a comprehensive study on the science of double dipping.

From NYT:

The team of nine students instructed volunteers to take a bite of a wheat cracker and dip the cracker for three seconds into about a tablespoon of a test dip. They then repeated the process with new crackers, for a total of either three or six double dips per dip sample. The team then analyzed the remaining dip and counted the number of aerobic bacteria in it…

On average, the students found that three to six double dips transferred about 10,000 bacteria from the eater’s mouth to the remaining dip…

Professor Dawson said that Timmy was essentially correct. “The way I would put it is, before you have some dip at a party, look around and ask yourself, would I be willing to kiss everyone here? Because you don’t know who might be double dipping, and those who do are sharing their saliva with you.”

So there’s the truth, folks. Double dipping really is like making out with every single person at the party. While that wouldn’t have made much of a difference at certain parties I went to in college, I have to admit I’m a little horrified by the thought now.

BUT, in my mind the study is only partially complete, because the researchers did not address my patented method – the dip-flip-dip.

I know what you’re thinking, the dip-flip-dip sounds like something that belongs in the Winter Olympics, but bear with me:

Step One: Dip the chip as you normally would, gathering enough dip for a perfect, half-chip bite.

Step Two: Bite as you normally would.

Step Three (this is where it gets tricky): Now, instead of going in for the shameless double dip, or just eating your painfully dry half-chip, rotate the chip, so that you are holding it by the bitten end, with the clean, unbroken end facing downwards toward the dip.

Step Four: Now, return the chip to the dip, and get one more, bacteria-free dip.

So? What have you, Professor Paul L. Dawson? Successful solution, or still too much spit swapping going down? I humbly await your analysis.

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12 comments

  • gansie February 7, 2008  

    i thought i was the only one! i totally do the dip-flip-dip. no wonder we get along!

  • 80 Proof February 7, 2008  

    I’m an huge proponent of the double flip dip. But you need to be careful, because other people might not see your subtle flippage. Therefore I recommend announcing your flip to those around you, preferably in a voice imitating Costanza.

  • BS February 7, 2008  

    yes the pre-nouncement is crucial – there are so many people around just waiting to out double dippers, and they often don’t watch carefully enough to catch the dip-flip-dip

  • Britannia February 7, 2008  

    I break my chip in half before I dip, this way it feels like I’m getting twice the snack for my buck. And no double dipping involved.

  • Tim February 7, 2008  

    I’m with all of you, I’m a dip-flip-dipper, and a break-dip-flip-dipper. Also, I live for objects big enough to dip-flip-dip-flip-dip, or even the most honorable dip-flip-dip-flip-dip-flip-dip! Although, as we all know, no matter how big the chip is, it’s impossible to dip-flip more than 11 times.

  • BS February 7, 2008  

    You’ve performed a dip-flip-dip-flip-dip-flip-dip? legendary.

  • gansie February 7, 2008  

    oh, i also do that to britannia. i never realized what an underground society this dip maneuvering is.

  • Tim February 7, 2008  

    No, but I’ve seen it done. It was a cold night in Hays, Kansas, but I’ve never felt so warm inside. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place.

    We never got his name, but not one of us will ever forget him.

  • Brian February 7, 2008  

    i studied microbiology at clemson. what does that mean?

  • 80 Proof February 7, 2008  

    You studied very small portions of dip?

  • JoeHoya February 7, 2008  

    I’m pretty sure it means you made out with everyone in this study, Brian.

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