Texts From Thanksgiving

The bird
Have you ever wanted to eavesdrop on someone’s Thanksgiving? Well, here’s your chance. Two of our ES contributors give you their Thanksgiving text-a-thon. We’d also like to hear about your texts from Thanksgiving. Especially those after dessert drunk texts. Those are our favorite.
ML: My gravy won’t thicken. What the fucking fuck.
forkitude: Really? Reduce, reduce. You could make some roux real fast by melting butter in a sauce pan and adding flour and then add it to the gravy.

ML: I’m planning on it. I feel mentally retarded.

forkitude: Maybe you should have purchased “How To Repair Food.” Big mistake.
ML: Oh man. I bet that’d tell me how to fix gravy.
forkitude: Too bad.
ML: It didn’t work. This is a mystery of science.
forkitude: WTF?? Friday Fuck Up?
ML: Uh yeah. I even tried cornstarch. And nada.
forkitude: Just call it jus and you’re golden.
ML: It will still sadly be the best tasting thing on the table.
forkitude: Oh noooo….
ML: My parents and I just had our pre thanksgiving meal so we wouldn’t be hungry later. Oh, my family.
forkitude: My grandma just said she wants ice in her wine… And now the political discussions start. Just shoot me now.
ML: My grandma will be drinking out of the bottle.
forkitude: OMG kill me. Why do we have to debate about the homeless?
ML: I’m discussing sushi with an 8-year-old.
forkitude: Wow that is insanity. My dinner was the shiznit.
ML: I’d like to eat soon? But we keep blowing fuses.
forkitude: Well at least everyone is full from the pre dinner. OMG..my mom’s man friend with an earring and a motorcycle is coming for dessert. This should be interesting.
ML: Yesss.
forkitude: My aunt talking about Mormons: “Well why would you ever want to have sex if you couldn’t have coffee in the morning and drink before you do it?” Priceless.
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