This week Top Chef went all apple pie ‘n’ mom on us and made the theme of the show “American classics.” The chefs had to work with classic American comfort foods like sloppy joes, fried chicken and tacos (I imagine Tom Tancredo will be staging a protest against TC, insisting that tacos are not all-american). The chefs had to update these classic dishes to make them both upscale and healthy. The result was a smorgasbord of disaster, with many tasteless, disappointed glares from Padma. CJ took the healthy idea way too far and made some sort of flaxseed-wheat grass-hemp oil-left coast abomination. But the challenge proved most difficult for our foreign friends, who seemed both disgusted and confused by our greasy, lard-soaked traditions. Jamaican chef Sara M. just said screw it and instead of updating Chicken a la King, she made Chicken kebabs over couscous. But it was snobby South African chef Micah who was left in tears when the judges did everything but spit her meatloaf and mashed potatoes back in her face. Maybe she should have just made bunny chow.