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by ML

Burns My Bacon: Leftover Pizza Storage

I don’t keep this a secret: I live with my parents. We generally avoid ordering out as a family, because we are all very particular about our food and there is normally a gigantic fight over what to order. It takes at least an hour for us to decide on takeout (sometimes longer if it’s Chinese food).

When we order pizza, we order a ridiculous amount so that everyone is satisfied. Last week, we ordered three medium pizzas for three people (sausage, ham, mushroom). Although I can house pizza like nobody’s business, an entire pizza is a little much. It all ends up in the fridge.

Give Me That Fish (Woo)

Although I don’t eat it often, I love fast food. Nachos Bell Grande? McNuggs? I’m there. And you know what I love more than food? Fast food jingles.

So when a particular jingle is catchy, annoying, creepy, and lasts for more than a year…I’m bound to drunkenly force someone to drive me to McDonald’s and get said sandwich.

Even drunk, I was terrified of the Filet-O-Fish. I’m really particular about my fish, and there was nothing particular about this sandwich. Some people told me they weren’t bad, but the thought of eating fried fish from a fast food restaurant made me dry heave. But I just loved the song so much I had to order it.

After a self pep talk (and some drunk photographing, see below) I took a bite.

Is Educating Parents Too Much to Ask?

Pediatricians are calling for a redesign of the hot dog.

No, I’m not bullshitting you.

Apparently a hot dog is:

The perfect plug for a child’s airway.

Is it, really? A long tubular piece of meat? Are children swallowing these whole?

Now, I don’t have children. But this seems strange.

Oh wait a second. I think these pediatricians mean the small, round coins that parents CUT THE HOT DOGS INTO FOR CHILDREN are a choking hazard.

Here are some ideas for anyone that is concerned:

1) Cut the hot dog in half lengthwise

2) Educate your child on chewing food

3) Don’t feed your child a nitrate filled hot dog if they are too small to chew their own food.

4) Leave my hot dog alone. Seriously.

(Photo Credit)

by ML

Friday Fuck Up: Eat the Chips Instead

I don’t post Friday Fuck Ups too often mostly because it doesn’t occur to me to take photographs of my disasters, and words wouldn’t do them justice. For everyone who wanted to see bacon disintegrate into a paper plate, egg drop soup that looked like oatmeal and French onion soup that induced vomiting on command…you’ll just have to wait. But alas, I fucked up and remembered to document it.

In Philly, we were having the best hoagies for dinner. I wanted chips. I thought, no no, chips are boring and bad for you. But baked vegetables? Good.

I decided to make Jaden’s recipe for crispy kale (I like to call it krispy kale, FYI). This didn’t seem hard: Dry kale. Toss with olive oil. Put in oven. Salt. Consume.

Not quite. It might have turned out like shit because I didn’t have the necessary salad spinner to dry the leaves. Or because…well, I don’t know, I wasn’t watching them or I didn’t wash the leaves first (oops) or I put them on foil (is that bad?)

The first batch (pictured above) was burnt, bitter, and all around horrible. My dad, like all dads, still managed to eat half of the tray. I grabbed the second batch from the oven just as I started to see some of the leaves browning. That didn’t work either. They were half bitter and krispy, or not krispy at all.

Awesome.

in Veggie 6 comments

by ML

Sex on a Plate: The Event

*start shameless self promotion*

For the past few months, I’ve been working with the sexy lady pictured above (Jennifer Iannolo) on what will be a fabulous Valentine’s extravaganza. We want you all there. You by yourself. You with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You with your friends. You with your love triangle. Just come.

And if that picture isn’t enough to convince you…I will be there too!

DETAILS: Step inside the head of food & sensuality maven Jennifer Iannolo, host of Food Philosophy and co-creator of the Culinary Media Network, as she presents a selection of flavors, tastes and textures designed to evoke your senses. Instead of the rote table-for-two scenario, her Valentine’s Day cocktail party in the Penthouse Solarium of the Roger Smith Hotel will be a sultry evening of tastes with the kinds of aromas, textures and flavors that will make your mouth water — and prime you for what she hopes is a most sensual evening.

This event is for singles, doubles, threesomes, or whatever tickles your fancy.

DATE: February 14, 2010

TIME: 6:30 PM – 10:00 PM

VENUE: Roger Smith Hotel, Penthouse: Solarium

EVENT TYPE: Cocktail & Tasting Party

MENU: A series of delectable small plates and adult beverages

EARLY-BIRD TICKET PRICES THROUGH 1/31/10 (friends *or* lovers, darlings):

$100 pp
$95 pp for “doubles”
$92 pp for “threesomes”
$90 pp for groups of 4 or more

Purchase here.

HOTEL SPECIAL

The Roger Smith Hotel is offering a special “Take Monday Off” rate on Valentine’s Day for this event. Please contact Brian Simpson for details on Twitter or via e-mail.

in Holiday 2 comments

by ML

John Mayer’s Interfaith Holiday Baking Competition

Breaking celeb food news from ES’ favorite satirical food blogger, Perez Hilton paramour, and Eater of the Year also-ran. Yes, food fans, it’s time to talk John Mayer. Again.

Last year, after trying to get into the holiday spirit via TV commercials that:

“can be nearly offensive if you didn’t happen to have the kind of year that saw you making friends with an omni-ethnic fully gorgeous group of friends who like to dance in unison,”

John Mayer came to realize that baking cakes was the best way to fill your heart with holiday cheer.

I’m not kidding.

So I present to you, The Second Annual Interfaith Holiday Baking Competition, presented by John Mayer.

What is this you ask? What are the rules? There is one rule: Bake something that inspires or moves John. Send picture. This is good news for us at ES, because baking really isn’t our thing.

The winner will receive 4 tickets (and a meet and greet) to any show on John’s upcoming tour and a Martin OMJM Signature Series acoustic guitar. Runner up wins a Fender JM Stratocaster.

Want to submit an entry? Read the full story and submission rules here.

(Pic: Last year’s winner, Danielle’s leg lamp cake)

in Celebs / Contests 3 comments