Burns My Bacon -

by BS

Burns My Bacon: Stop the Music

Memo to all restaurant owners: In my line of work/leisure I visit a lot of restaurant and bar websites, and I just do not understand why so, so many of you view this brief, virtual interaction as an opportunity to share a sampling of your preferred musical tastes with me. It’s unnecessary. It’s distracting. It has nothing to do with food.

If I’m visiting your website, chances are I’m there to do one of three things: 1) Look at the menu, 2) Find out the address, or 3) Make a reservation. That’s it. I do not need some sort of visceral, subconscious encouragement that you really are the restaurant for me. I certainly do not need a primer on the music of whatever country’s food you specialize in. That cheesy Italian tune is not going to make me any more likely to visit your trattoria. The hum of a mariachi band will not push me towards a Mexican spot. I don’t care if your establishment is owned by Hova himself — you don’t need to prove it!

Do you really think you are getting more customers this way? Trust me — you’re not. If anything you’re only causing a large percentage of them to frantically close the browser window before their bosses hear that thumping background music and realize they’re not working. And do not try to tell me it’s OK because you have a tiny off button hidden down on the bottom of the page below your site credits. No. Just stop. All of you. Please.

And don’t even get me started on flash animation.

Feed Us Back: What’s the worst restaurant website music you’ve ever heard?

by ML

Burns My Bacon: Leftover Pizza Storage

I don’t keep this a secret: I live with my parents. We generally avoid ordering out as a family, because we are all very particular about our food and there is normally a gigantic fight over what to order. It takes at least an hour for us to decide on takeout (sometimes longer if it’s Chinese food).

When we order pizza, we order a ridiculous amount so that everyone is satisfied. Last week, we ordered three medium pizzas for three people (sausage, ham, mushroom). Although I can house pizza like nobody’s business, an entire pizza is a little much. It all ends up in the fridge.

Burns My Bacon: Where’s My Tomato?

There’s no denying it. When I come across a burger on a restaurant menu I’m tempted: a big fat juicy slab of meat always makes for a great dinner. I’m so tempted that even when I’m in no particular mood I always make sure that whichever restaurant I choose there is a good burger available. We all have our downfalls. I’m still seeking a gym buddy.

A nice fresh tomato and onions along with a little ketchup are what I look forward to on my burger, but you know what Burns My Bacon? A crappy tomato that’s what. I get it, tomatoes are expensive, always have been and always will be, but don’t skimp on the tomato on my burger or any other dish for that matter, slice it off and throw it out, just don’t ever serve it. If there are any other uses for ends of tomato then let us know in the comments.

in Rants & Raves / Restaurants 9 comments

by gansie

Burns My Bacon: Never-Ending Salad Ingredients

Before I became food-obsessed I was very happy eating chicken caesar salads all of the time.

ALL OF THE TIME.

I ate them as a starter salad, as an entree, and once in a while – in a wrap. My favorite chicken caesar salad wrap is from the chain, SaladWorks. My sister and I would always eat there whenever I came home from college. I’m trying to think back on our orders: I would sub-in hard boiled eggs for croutons, and I think she kept the croutons in, but maybe added tomato? Sherry – remember?

Unfortunately, there are no SaladWorks in my area (although I just discovered the closest was in the dreaded land of University of Maryland’s College Park). I have long desired a similar concept in DC. I wanted lots of salad and wrap choices. Both stock orders and make-your-own.

In the past couple years, however, DC has caught on to the salad bar trend: Sweetgreen, Chop’t, Mixt Greens… And just like cupcakes, we take that trend and turn it into a never-ending nightmare. Yes, nightmare.

And now what I’ve asked for. Well, I’m regretting it. I just can’t get into the over-stuffed salads. I’m never satisfied when I choose my own, usually with spinach, chickpeas, avocado, goat cheese and beets. Which sounds freaking awesome, but is somehow dry. Or there’s not enough avocado. In fact at Chop’t they so heavily beat the avocado into the salad that instead of supple chunks, the avocado coats all the ingredients without any real avocado texture and flavor.

Maybe I can’t select the proper combination when there are so many choices and when I like so many different ingredients. And the salads and wraps that are created by the chef, well, it’s hard to choose that option when there’s the opportunity to create my own.

Should I just return to romaine, chicken and parm cheese?

(Photo @ Mixt Greens by Endless Simmer)

in Rants & Raves / Trends / Veggie 11 comments

by ML

Is Educating Parents Too Much to Ask?

Pediatricians are calling for a redesign of the hot dog.

No, I’m not bullshitting you.

Apparently a hot dog is:

The perfect plug for a child’s airway.

Is it, really? A long tubular piece of meat? Are children swallowing these whole?

Now, I don’t have children. But this seems strange.

Oh wait a second. I think these pediatricians mean the small, round coins that parents CUT THE HOT DOGS INTO FOR CHILDREN are a choking hazard.

Here are some ideas for anyone that is concerned:

1) Cut the hot dog in half lengthwise

2) Educate your child on chewing food

3) Don’t feed your child a nitrate filled hot dog if they are too small to chew their own food.

4) Leave my hot dog alone. Seriously.

(Photo Credit)

in Rants & Raves / Red Meat 3 comments

by gansie

Burns My Bacon: It’s What’s Inside That Counts

I was a very plain and picky eater growing up. I ate two kinds of bagels: plain and cinnamon raisin. Back then, I didn’t even use cream cheese, just butter.

Eventually I branched out, jumping right into everything bagels with cream cheese, (extra cream cheese). When the whole grain wave hit I made the move toward multi-grain and whole wheat bagels, but I desperately missed the adorning seeds.

While visiting BS in Brooklyn he showed off a neighborhood bagelry, Bagel World, that sold whole grain seeded bagels. I was pumped, hoping that the trend – like all trends – would travel outward from New York.

And why the hell not. Whole wheat is not a flavor, it’s a base. Put some fucking seeds on it.

But then I saw something even better:

Burns My Bacon: Hey Hey, Ho Ho, That Lettuce Leaf Has Got To Go

I’m an appetizer kinda guy. There is nothing more satisfying than ordering a couple of apps instead of an entree; the variety alone makes the trip worth it. However, there are many downfalls in ordering apps. The quality can be somewhat diminished: fried and often just thrown on a plate without much thought. Despite that, bar apps are my favourite, especially potato skins, nachos and chicken tenders. All deliciously fattening!

My biggest gripe with appetizer dishes is the presentation, mainly lettuce. Why does the kitchen feel the need to serve my chicken, potato skins, guacamole, shrimp…On a bed of lettuce? This makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. If there is a reason for this please enlighten me, but for the time being I’m going to bitch…