Top Chef Masters -

by Bliz

Top Chef Masters: Finale Round 2

I’m sorry to report that I will be calling off my pre-pre engagement to Zooey Deschanel. She’s handling the news very well actually, thanks largely to the fact she has no idea who I am. But if she did, and maybe, just maybe one day she will, I’d like to think she would at least be mildly disappointed.

The thing is, we’ve just been struggling with these imaginary problems for a while now and it’s really taken a toll on our long term future. The final straw was the realization that the only source of nutrients Zooey is allowed to consume is grass. I was crushed when I found out. All these years you think you know someone and then a bomb like this drops on your head and shakes your imaginary relationship to the core.

Find out how the remaining Top Chef Masters handle cooking for a group of people that hate choose not to enjoy everything on this planet worth eating, after the jump.

in Celebs / Personal / TV 7 comments

by Bliz

Top Chef Masters: Finale Round 1

Leave it to Bravo to extend the Top Chef Masters franchise and add at least one more episode to the series finale. But hey, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. The final six has been whittled down to the final five and so for the first time all season, we have the same gang making a reappearance. I don’t know that I’ve ever appreciated how important a returning cast is until now. I know it’s cheesy, but I’m happy to see that we’re finally starting to become more familiar with these chefs.

The final champions round consists of the winners of the last six episodes: Rick Bayless, Anito Lo, Susanne Tracht, Hubert Keller, Michael Chiarello and Art Smith.

So this week no Wu-Tang lyrics, no letters to chefs, no rants about the host.. ah fuck it, Kelly Choi still sucks. But seriously, this week let’s just talk food, because last night TCM put front and center what we all tune in for every week: food porn.

in TV 1 comments

by Bliz

Top Chef Masters: Episode 6

Left to Right: Jonathan Waxman, Michael Cimarusti, Art Smith, Roy Yamaguchi

Well, the producers have been holding out on us all season, but just when it looked like the 6th and final round of TCM was going to be the most civil, respect-fest episode yet to air, we finally, finally get a little competitive dickishness. Thank god.

I have come to realize that shows like Top Chef need the assholes and backstabbers to a limited degree, much like college basketball needs the NCAA Tournament bracket system. You pay attention to the events because you love to subject, but if you don’t have someone to pull for, sometimes you just don’t give a damn how the game plays out. I know I wouldn’t pay attention to half of the NCAA teams (looking at you Sunbelt division) if I didn’t have money on a team on my braket list. With Top Chef, I want to take a side, I want to see my favorite win, and more importantly, I want to see the least favorite suffer brutal defeat.

Now I’m sure the producers helped craft this little drama leaving selective tidbits on the cutting room floor, but last night you had Old Pappa Bear Waxman strategically fuck over his main competitor/protoge Cimarusti. But lets back up to the Quickfire challenge before we get ahead of ourselves.

in TV 4 comments

by Bliz

Top Chef Masters: Episode 5

: Left to Right: Michael Chiarello, Nils Noren, Lachlan Patterson, Rick Moonen

Dear Top Chef Masters Contestants,

First of all, congratulations on your recognition. After years of toiling in ungodly circumstances, shedding blood and tears, and doing so before there was any prospect of becoming a celebrity chef, you’re finally getting some well deserved attention in the national spotlight. What’s more, you’re donating your time to helping out a charity that you care about and I’m sure those organizations sing your praises for your hard work. If I may make one humble suggestion though. And this is a minor thing I’ve come to notice with the TCM cast, could you guys please.. for the love of God.. PLATE YOUR MOTHER F$%#ING FOOD before time runs out?! Is it that hard?! Do you see that clock with the numbers on it? When there is only the number 00:15 shortly followed by the the number 00:14 then followed by 00:13.. you see where I’m going with this? Just take what you have and put it on the damn plate.

Is it because you hate your charity or charities in general? I mean don’t get me wrong, I hate babies with cancer as much as the next guy, but I always own up to it. Sometimes it’s the first thing I tell people about myself when being introduced. You’d be surprised, there’s dozens of us out there. Dozens! Go ahead, say it chef.. you can do it. Say, “I hate cancer babies.” How much do you hate cancer babies chef? Say, “Almost as much as I hate Kelly Choi and her dead goat fetish.” Wow chef, that’s a lot of hate. Doesn’t that feel good to get that off your chest? I know I feel better. Glad we had this little talk. Let’s discuss this week’s TCM episode shall we?

More cancer baby hate after the jump..

in TV 3 comments

by BS

Feed Us Back: Comments of the Week

– Top Chef Masters has ya’ll missing Padma more than you might have thought. Summer:

I’m liking Kelly Choi less and less with every episode. The way she delivers her lines is grating… she emphasizes the end of every sentence to give the impression that what she is saying is SO IMPORTANT! and yet she never seems to have a valid comment to make about the food. She has none of Padma’s elegance.

– Everyone wants in on Britannia’s English Breakfast on a Bun creation. Although Lucy makes a fair point:

It’s not an English breakfast without HP and a cup of tea! Other than that it’s perfect.

– And finally, congrats to gansie on her second-place finish in the zucchini-garama masala foodie fight. Don’t miss battle #7: Pineapple and Basil. Mmmm!

PS – bonus comments of the week points to anyone who can explain what the eff is going on in the Kelly Choi pic above.

in Breakfast / Sandwich / TV 9 comments

by Bliz

Top Chef Masters: Episode 4

Left to Right: Mark Peel, Anita Lo, Douglas Rodriguez, John Besh

After a brief hiatus for the holiday, Top Chef Masters has returned, and I’d love to say I’m excited about that fact. I’d love to say that, I really, really would, but Ludo taught me something last episode: I like the d-bags. And by “like,” I mean love to hate, curse their name and feel better about myself as a human being in general because of their existence on a reality show. I wanted to love the civil, the calm, the professional, but that just isn’t the case. Top Chef Masters is no Top Chef.. but I’m still going to tune in every week.

I never really bought into the claims that without Padma and Coliccho the show wouldn’t be as good either, but Tom’s appearance on last night’s episode proved me wrong. Only walking on set for a meager 30 seconds, Tom brought an insight and context to what was going in the challenge that I had yet to see on the Masters spinoff so far this season.

“I can tell right off the bat, [The Masters] understand something the normal Top Chef contestants never do,” he quipped. “These guys know you don’t get bogged down in the challenge… because through cooking you can pretty much tell any story.” And there the chefs were, walking around cool as cucumbers. Fuck you Tom, I love you. Padma, I’d take you over a dozen Chois any day.

in Eggs / TV 3 comments

by Bliz

Top Chef Masters Interview: Episode 3

Left to Right: Wilo Benet, Cindy Pawlcyn, Ludo Lefebvre, Rick Bayless

Another week has come and gone on Top Chef Masters and last week’s LOST Supper episode was a fairly entertaining event. TCM managed to incorporate one of my all-time favorite shows with the LOST theme, we saw the return of the long lost Vending Machine quickfire, Wiley D proved he has quite the potty mouth, and we saw a very unassuming Suzanne Tracht kick some serious culinary ass without so much as raising her eyebrow.

This week we’re looking forward to the likes of Rick Bayless, Cindy Pawlcyn, Wilo Benet and Ludo Lefebvre battling it out for their respective charities. Once again, ES got to sit down with the foursome to talk reality tv and gastronomic inspiration. And once again our panel of well adjusted, professional chefs had nothing but praises, laughter and respect for each other.

Guys.. seriously, I hate dramatically engineered reality shows as much as the next guy, but give us something!

I didn’t want to have to tap into my DC political wonkiness, but you’ve left me no choice. You want to be civil? Fine, maybe a few Sarah Palin quotes will inspire some more trash talking banter next interview. Rednecks clinging to their guns after the jump..

in Politics / TV 3 comments

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