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by Katt Kasper

An ‘Ordinary’ Test

I recently discovered that in terms of my own personal liquor tastes, I am a ‘connoisseur of the ordinary.’

When I walk into a bar, my personal liquor preference list is this: bourbon, scotch, rye, vodka, red wine, white wine, beer. And although I could drink bourbon with every meal, I traditionally pair certain foods with certain liquors. Red wines with steaks and Italian food, white wines with fish and chicken, rye or bourbon with sandwiches and burgers, and beer with pizza. Scotch I usually drink by itself, with a cigar or as a dessert.

But whatever the drink, when it comes to my liquors of choice, I’m not usually a top shelf kind’a guy. My taste palette favors blends over single barrel drinks. I can appreciate a good single-malt scotch or one-barrel whiskey, but I always revert back to my ‘everyman’ blends. It appears that my taste buds are about as sophisticated as reality TV. In the immortal words of Popeye, “I yam what I yam!” I’ve long ago given up trying to appease the upscale opinions of those who love looking down on us poor, working class stiffs—with our common-place tastes and our bargain basement choices. You can enjoy your French Champagne pinky-up with the rest of the guests, and I’ll have my shot and a beer with the bar staff and servers.

Recently, I decided to run a personal taste test, to see if I really do prefer cheap liquor over “the good stuff.”

by Katt Kasper

A Winning Party: The ES Election Night Guide

OK… making sure that my emergency pack is all ready. Let’s see…there’s a flashlight, batteries, aspirin (gonna need those), vodka, bourbon, party poppers and a large crying towel. Oh, and 2-song CD—got the Bee Gees “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart” and Queen’s “We Are the Champions.” Alright! I’m set. Bring on Election Night!

In the wake of recent disasters I’ve been more proactive in regards to preparing for my survival against future mood-altering situations of a political nature. Too many times in the past I’ve been caught totally off guard, and I either didn’t have enough liquor or I forgot to pin my Bails Bond card inside my jacket. But this time I’ve got a new plan! I’m hosting the Election Night shindig at my place and I’m all prepared. Got the checklist right here—Portable storage pod? Check! Rental furniture? Check! My furniture and personal items outside in the pod? Check! Neighbors warned and bribed? Check! Everyone taking a cab to my house? Check! Food, booze and entertainment ordered? Check, check and double check!

Voting for the next leader of our country can be a painful thing to do when it’s this evenly divided. Half of us ain’t gonna like the outcome, which can kill the mood of a party real quick. That’s why THIS time I’ve got it all figured out:

by Katt Kasper

A Question You Don't Want Answered

Now that we’re approaching the ‘holiday season’ (I consider it to start at Halloween), recreational drinking usually begins to rise. Being that I am a person who is passionate about alcohol, I always look forward to this time of year. But it’s because I view alcohol as a passion that I try to govern its consumption by not taking it for granted. I recently came off of a week of alcohol abstention, which is something that I do on a semi-regular basis in order to keep my liver healthy, as well as to make sure that drinking remains a pleasurable indulgence and not a dependence. The years of looking forward to the weekend party ‘buzz’ are behind me and I now consume alcohol simply for its taste, as well as its ability to enhance and compliment the flavors in food. I’ve learned the hard way about lapses in judgment due to not keeping my consumption in check, and I’m not going there again.

So, time for an ES PSA. Here’s a trick question for you: Do you know what your LD50 is?

in Drinks / Holiday / Personal 3 comments

by Katt Kasper

Point/Counterpoint: Manhattan vs. New England Clam Chowder

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of the Endless Simmer Editorial staff. The comments posted here are solely the opinions of the authors, no mater how lame or convoluted.

Devil Katt: I don’t know why we’re even debating this. It’s like Pros Verses Joes when it comes to which version is better, and that version is named after the island Manhattan. No ‘foo-foo’ cream sauces to cover up the taste of OUR clams. Milk and cream is supposed to be poured over cereal, not soup, you New England numbskulls! Save it for yer Fig Newtons, ya maple swillin’ wannabe’s! Nothin’s better than the natural, rich flavors of the broth, potatoes, tomatoes and BACON, combined with fresh clams, carrots, onion and celery. And by the way, you can’t make Manhattan clam chowder if you don’t have clams. But if you take the clams out of New England Clam Chowder, whaddaya got? Cream of Potato soup! If New England Clam Chowder was so good, they wouldn’t try to kill the taste by pouring crackers over the top of it. That glop is so gummy some places have to serve it in a bread bowl just to sell it! Fergetaboutit!

Angel Katt:

in Personal / Rants & Raves 2 comments

by Katt Kasper

The Turducken of Meat: Meatloafenstein

Maybe it’s because of Halloween, or maybe it’s because of the alcohol, but whatever the reason, like my old buddy Dr. Frankenstein, I’VE CREATED A MONSTER! You might think me mad but it came to me while I was enjoying a bottle of scotch and wrestling with the concept of a ‘Turducken.’ You know, the bird stuffed inside a bird stuffed inside a bird. Although I could appreciate the premise, I’m not that much into eating fowl. But wait, I thought! What if I could take my favorite meats—chopped steak, veal, sausage, prosciutto and bacon— and combine them together in a similar fashion? What if I took a pork kielbasa, wrapped it in bacon, and stuffed that inside my favorite meatloaf? What if………

MMWOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! (That’s supposed to be crazy, maniacal laughter). Igor! Ready the kites! There’s a storm approaching and I’ve assembled the parts! Lock the doors! Shield your eyes! Throw the switch – NOWWWWWWW!!

Katt’s ‘Meatloafenstein Monster’ with Igor’s ‘Hell-Fire Hot Sauce’

in Bacon / Eggs / Featured / Personal / Recipe / Red Meat 4 comments

by Katt Kasper

Stewed Over Fall

Ahhh, fall. The crispness of the air as it begins to cool, the chill in your chest as you take that first brisk breath. The sting of the frost, the bite of the wind, the…the hell with that! This is exactly why I moved to L.A. Three-hundred-plus days of beach barbeques until the weather dips down into the 70s. Then of course, you’re forced to move inside. Ugh! I get goose bumps just thinking about it…

I grew up in the Midwest—northern Indiana to be exact—and I miss the cold Lake Michigan wind chill about as much as I miss acne. Ten-degree mornings and ice cold leather car seats? F that! If I can’t get a sunburn on Thanksgiving, I’m bummed! So pardon me Mr. Gore, while I release these fluorocarbons. Bring on the global warming, Woo Hoo!

But, we still like our fall food out here on the left coast, and when I feel it dip below the 80s, I like to bring out the soups and the chilies. So how about a little beef stew to get things crackin’? What I really like about the following recipe is how it magically changes from rank tasting to righteous during the long simmer. You’ll see. Try it and you won’t be disappointed.

Katt’s Bitchin’ Beef Stew

in Personal / Recipe / Red Meat 0 comments

by ML

Burns My Bacon: Encouraging Cheating

Judging from my friends’ and family’s pantries, I know packaged foods are really all the rage. I know “semi-homemade” solutions are even more popular. I’m only knocking these products a little bit, because you know, if a pre-made sauce gets you to actually cook a meal instead of ordering take-out, so be it. But you know what I don’t like? I don’t like the commercials for these products shitting all over the idea of cooking.

I was laying in bed last night watching re-runs of Friends when I saw a commercial for Progresso’s new product, Recipe Starters. Except in the commercial, some woman is trying to fire-roast her own tomatoes (with a blow torch, but whatever), and some chef-like character comes along and LAUGHS AT HER FOR DOING SO, asking sarcastically “Do you churn your own butter?” and hands her a can of fire-roasted tomato sauce. You know what, bitch? I make my own mayo. Leave the poor girl alone! She’s alone, single, and if she wants to fire-roast her own tomatoes with a blow torch, LET HER!! She has the time, so get the fuck out of her (my) kitchen. Don’t make fun of her (me) just because she’s doing something she doesn’t have to do. She wants to make her own damn sauce from scratch; yes its difficult, yes its time consuming, but how does this affect you? That’s right, it doesn’t. LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS.

I know not everyone wants to cook, but for fuck’s sake, don’t shit on those of us who do, or those of us who are trying. Don’t discourage them. I miss the days when boxed dinners were marketed as alternatives to fast-food and take-out, not alternatives to from-scratch cooking.

in Personal / Rants & Raves 8 comments

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