The Toby Young Insult Tracker – Week 3

Ahhh…”Restaurant Wars.”  Two words that bring smiles to the faces of Top Chef fans almost as quickly as “Bourdain appearance.”

Of course, this time we get a ho-hum episode of Wars, which is only fitting since we’re in the middle of what is, frankly, a fairly lackluster season.  After all, that’s why we’ve taken to filling our time with diversions like the Tracker.

Restaurant Wars usually provides a great opportunity for some world-class screw-ups from the teams. Yogurt soup, anyone?  So it would stand to reason that Toby would come out with guns a-blazing.

Not so much.

Sadly, Toby’s contribution to the discussion this week was pretty meager.  The conjecture heard around the Endless Simmer water cooler is that maybe the producers have decided to reel him in a bit during the editing process.  I guess we’ll see if he’s relegated to second string judge from here on out.  If nothing else, maybe he’ll have a higher batting average with his insults if they trim some of his more misguided attempts.

Now that I’ve sufficiently lowered your expectations, on to the scoreboard…
Insult #1:
“It tasted like dishwater.”

Score:
TVFF – 3  This one is just not very original.  I don’t know what dishwater tastes like.  I do know that people always use it as a point of comparison for bad food, so I think we can safely assume it’s not good.  That said, I think I saw it on one or two lists of the hot culinary trends of 2009, so I’m sure we’ll all be paying $17 for it at one of Jean-Georges’ places.

Insult #2:
“The least impressive part of the meal, by some margin.  It reminded me of the career of Elvis Presley.  When it started off incredibly well, came straight out of the gate–”  Stephen Starr: “And died on the toilet.”

Score:
TVFF – 7  A good line by Toby, marred only by the fact that he let Stephen Starr steal the punchline.  You never want to be the setup man for the guest, even if that guest is an insanely successful entrepreneur who owns 78% of the restaurants in Philadelphia.  They also manage to bring up the world “toilet” without completely nauseating the table.  That’s talent.

Insult #3:
“Don’t you think it’s important that the diner should have a good time too?”

Score:
TVFF – 5  This witty retort was offered up after Carla stated that, despite the fact that her entire dessert service was going to shit, she was bound and determined to have a good time with it.  As if this was somehow going to magically solidify her non-frozen yogurt.  It might not be his most original insult, but at least he’s sticking up for the little man.  Of course, this would have scored a “1” if they had the nerve to actually bounce Carla…

Overall:
TVFF – 5   The lowest score yet on a night that could have been so much more for our boy Toby.  Considering the season we’ve had so far — one that is being held in a city that offers so many possibilities — it seems almost fitting.

(Photo: Bravo)