Friday Fuck-Up: One Giant Cookie

Last week I was feeling down about life in general, not to mention, I was getting over the flu and had both sinus and ear infections. I needed a pick-me-up.

Now, I don’t bake. I know a lot of people say it’s my fault because I’m not trying hard enough or I’m not paying enough attention BUT REALLY SOMETIMES I DO EVERYTHING and even study the molecular science behind baking and it just doesn’t work for me.

But I’m not a quitter. At 10pm, once my roommates went to bed, I decided to embark on a new adventure: sugar cookies. I’ve successfully made cookies before, and I figured these can’t be that difficult, right?


Now of course I started with frozen butter, so I cut up the frozen sticks into slivers, put them on a plate, then mashed them with the warmth of my hands until the butter was warm enough for the cookies. That’s dedication, yo.

The dough came together and I did everything the recipe said, including rolling the dough in sugar and pressing it down all fancy-like with a glass.

As I was sitting there, proud of myself, thinking “THESE ARE GOING TO BE THE BEST COOKIES EVER,” I noticed a strange smell. Oh, it was smoke. COMING FROM MY OVEN.

What was supposed to be cookies turned into one giant piece of molten sugar and flour. Yup, the cookies lost shape and combined into one large blob-like mass overflowing from the cookie sheet.

I don’t really know why. I did scrape off the carnage and eat it with a fork, because sometimes when you fuck up, you have to make the best of it.

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  • Mandie November 18, 2011  

    You’re missing the most important bit, did it still taste good?!?

  • gansie November 18, 2011  

    and who goes to bed at 10pm?

  • dan November 18, 2011  

    I’d fork it

  • Lindsey C. November 18, 2011  


  • ML November 18, 2011  

    Yes it was still delicious even though it was weird.

    I don’t know who goes to bed at 10pm Gans. You’d have to ask them about their habits.

  • Gayle November 21, 2011  

    I thought about this post on FRIDAY when I put a three layer cake in the over (I do bake) and realized that 5 egg whites that were supposed to be whipped and folded into the cake were omitted. Because I’m a dork. At that point there was no fixing it. Cake didn’t turn out as it should have but with enough icing anything is edible.

  • Tara December 7, 2011  

    you should edit this to add that we figured out what the culprit was – confectioners sugar disguised as FLOUR.

  • Spooky December 9, 2011  

    That is impressive. HOWEVER, if it makes you feel any better, I once tried to fill a store-bought angel food cake with jello-shots.

    That didn’t make it out of the house, and only now, ten years later, do I feel ready to talk about it.

  • dave June 11, 2012  

    The main thing I didn’t like was the title…especially when my 3 yr old is hanging out with me.

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