Spike Your Juice: ES Taste Tests the Newest High School Trend

Here’s a post just for all of you who think whipped lightening is too fancy.

Apparently one of the newest trends among high schoolers this year is this stuff called Spike Your Juice. It was described to me by a former co-worker as “stuff you put in juice to make it alcoholic.” Naturally, as soon as I heard those words, instead of being appalled or horrified, I immediately ran over to my computer to figure out how I could get some of this stuff. I’m on a budget, ‘yo.

After some googling, I discovered this is supposed to taste like federweisser, some alcoholic German drink that I did not consume in Germany. When I asked my German resident expert, she said it “sounds like the stuff they give babies to get them to like beer.” Typical.

Make your own alcohol without a bathtub and the potential for blindness? Too good to be true. After gathering information and convincing the company to send me samples, I either thought this was a) a scam or b) a packet of yeast.

I poured it into a measuring spoon. It’s just yeast. But then I started to freak out about homemade alcohol horror stories. Would I die if I consumed this? Is this a terrible idea? Should I just walk down to the store and buy a $6 bottle of Jacquins?

No, no, and NO.

So I followed the directions and added one packet (contents in the picture above) to a 64oz container of cran-pomegranate juice that contained sugar. And I waited 48 hours. I tasted. It tasted like juice with yeast. So of course instead of waiting just one more day, I waited nine.

But you know what? After 9 days of fermentation it was similar to a Mike’s Hard Lemonade. I wanted to vomit after two glasses. Way too sweet and way too heavy for binge level consumption. There was NO WAY I was getting anywhere near drunk on this stuff. Well, maybe if I added vodka, but that’s a different day. That being said…I don’t really like overly sweet fruity cocktails anyway, so this might be great for those people who do.

So, I hand it to you high schoolers. This is sort of a good way to get drunk at school. You don’t have to be 21 to purchase this stuff (at least I don’t think…the company didn’t try to ID me or confirm proof of age before sending it to me for free) but you’re better off pouring half of your parents’ vodka into a water bottle, and replacing it with water. Or just…put yeast in your juice. Or how about…don’t drink at school because really, it’s HIGH SCHOOL and your life can’t be that bad yet, please don’t start day drinking…until at least college.