Top 10 Trick-or-Treat Fails
Everyone knows that Halloween is the most exhilarating time of year. Staying out late, dressing up in fun costumes and the ultimate excitement: free candy!
But a dark shadow is cast over these golden memories…every year, without fail, there are a few houses that just don’t GET IT. Somehow people are still handing out disappointing, bland, or downright gross “treats.”
Top 10 Trick-or-Treat Fails
10. Good & Plenty
Let’s just get this obvious one out of the way. Who likes black licorice? Nobody. Especially not kids. It tastes like gasoline, barf, trash and moldy sugar all melted together. Good & Plenty should be called “Bad & Too Much” because any amount of black licorice is too much to handle.
Weird texture, weird taste, vaguely medicinal. Where’s the appeal? Tropical Dots were marginally better, but still fall in the category of “vast childhood disappointment.”
Wait, wait, wait. Let’s get one thing straight. Coconut is fantastic. Chocolate is a no-brainer, especially on Halloween. So why have we included Mounds on this list of shame? Because why on earth would you dole out Mounds when Almond Joys are on the table? Almond versus no almond? Almonds are delicious! Don’t deny any child this simple pleasure.
Payday suffers the same affliction as Mounds. Peanuts, fine. Caramel, fine. But when there are myriad candy bars out there that have peanuts and caramel covered in chocolate, why would you neglect that?! You are not a real candy bar!!!
6. Tootsie Rolls
Let’s just be honest. These are the little turds of the candy world. You may not hate Tootsie Rolls, but do some soul-searching. Do you love them? Are you excited to see someone carelessly toss a handful of these into your trick-or-treat bag? Hell no.
Don’t be misled by the name of this candy, you are not smart for giving these out on Halloween. Smarties are a poor choice; these washed-out little discs have indiscernible flavors and a dissatisfying, crumbly texture. They’re like a candy necklace without the string, which is horrible because you don’t even get the fulfillment of eating candy off your own body.
If you love the taste of lemon Pine-Sol, boy have we found the candy for you. Something is just off with Lemonheads. The vaguely creepy packaging, the grainy way they disintegrate in your mouth… somehow you end up feeling tricked, like you’re not eating candy at all, just a weird breath cleanser.
3. Bottle Caps
Who the hell even came up with these? Why would we want a chalky disc that tastes vaguely like old soda? And what soda are these caps representing? Have you ever drank a soda that was the color of pee? No way!
2. Peanut Butter Taffy
We love taffy. We love peanut butter. Why don’t we love these peanut butter taffies, then? Because they are dried out, weird peanut butter. And we don’t love candy that looks like it’s an antique that has been sitting in some dusty old candy bowl since the 1920s…Where did they come from? We don’t trust it. We don’t trust it at all.
1. Generic Hard Lollipops
The insult of all insults: receiving one of those lollipops that look like they came from the doctor’s office. There are many shameful varieties of this “treat.” They might be sugar-free or they might have those little looped sticks so you can’t choke on them. Basically, if you give a child a generic, cellophane-wrapped sucker, you are saying “Hello little kid, I hate real candy and I hate happiness and I hate Halloween.” Don’t be that person.