Chopped Liver, Schmear and Pastrami: Find Your Sign in the Yiddish Zodiac

In 2011 I’m pretty shocked when I receive a silly forwarded email. Usually it’s about secret ways to dial 911 or some clearly untrue scam, or how to bust a hole through the tail light of a car in case someone shoves me into a trunk.

But a forward I received from my cousin last night actually made me laugh. Out loud. Forgive me if you’ve seen this gem of Jewish humor before. If not, let me present to you the Yiddish zodiac.

For those who frequent Chinese restaurants and see the place mats showing the Chinese zodiac (you know, the year of the rat, the year of the monkey, etc.) – well, here is the official Jewish equivalent. Now you can find out who you are.


1907, 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
You’re a healer, nourishing all whom you encounter. We feel better  just being in your presence. Mothers want to bring you home to meet their children – resist this at all costs. Compatible with Bagel and Knish.

The Year of: EGG CREAM
1908, 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
You’ve got a devious personality, since you’re made with neither eggs nor cream. Friends find your pranks refreshing; others think you’re too frothy. Compatible with Blintz, who also has something to hide.

1909, 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005
People either love you or hate you, making you wonder, “What am I, chopped liver?” But don’t get a complex; you’re always welcome at the holidays! Bagel’s got your back.

Read More

ES Local: Quest for Lox and a Schmear

That's what I call a bagel.

That's the whole package right there.

Editor’s Note: New contributor Elle joins the DC-based ES team with — what else — a DC rant. Welcome, Elle, and good luck on your quest!

I’m on a hunt. No, a quest. A quest to capture a surprisingly elusive prize: an awesome bagel (toasted!) that comes with awesome cream cheese (on both sides!) and awesome lox, somewhere (anywhere!) in DC.

On New Year’s Day, a friend of mine hosted a “hangover brunch” at her parents’ place in Manhattan. A few DC folks made the trip up to NYC for the NYE festivities, and our resident New Yorker was treating us to an impressive spread of quiche and French toast and Bellinis and….goodness, I can’t even remember everything she put out. But in addition to those made-from-scratch offerings, she had a bag of fresh bagels from Pick-a-Bagel and a heaping plate of lox.

My initial reaction? Something along the lines of “omgsofreakinggood.” I managed to polish off a pair of perfectly doughy, chewy bagels piled up with cream cheese and thinly sliced lox in a blink. Then it occurred to me that maybe decorum dictated I should stop hogging that heaping plate all to myself.

Read More