Rustlin Rob's Fredericksburg, TX Hot Sauce Room

The Hot Sauce Store to End All Hot Sauce Stores

I would like to invite you to Rustlin’ Rob’s in a little town called Fredericksburg, Texas…

Rustlin Rob's Condiment Store, Fredericksburg, Texas

Fredericksburg is mostly known for its wine (yes, there is a Texas wine country) and I personally consider it “the Las Vegas of the Texas wine world” since you’re allowed to walk around with open containers in the streets/stores. I even got mardi gras beads from one of the tasting lounges, and since I have a real garbage party girl streak, I was super into it.

The most surprising aspect of my carousal through Fredericksburg? Rustlin’ Rob’s, the wonderland of condiments and weird snacks, and unlimited free self-serve samples.

Rustlin Rob's Fredericksburg, TX sample jars

Beneath its glowing red chili lights (seriously, so many novelty chili lights) Rustlin’ Rob’s has quite seriously EVERY kind of jam, jelly, jerky, spread, dip, salsa, and um, quail egg (?) a girl could ask for. The best/worst part? IT’S ALL AVAILABLE TO SAMPLE. ALL OF IT. Every single product has a self-serve sample next to it. Now, I know you’re wondering why I called this the “best/worst” thing when clearly it’s the best thing. But after eating literally 30+ samples of specialty jelly slathered over cream cheese and Wheat Thins, you’ll know when your train turns the corner straight into Worstville.

Probably the most impressive section of RR’s is the hot sauce cave.

Rustlin Rob's Fredericksburg, TX Hot Sauce Room

Rustlin Rob's Fredericksburg, TX Hot Sauce Room

I have never seen so much hot sauce in my damn life. For all of you who are forever chasing the dragon when it comes to the hottest hot sauce, Rustlin’ Robs is your heaven.

Rustlin Rob's Fredericksburg, TX Hot Sauce Room

It was the best of snacks, it was the worst of snacks. It was the heaven of snacks, it was the hell of snacks. Rustlin’ Rob’s contains multitudes. If you are ever in central Texas, I strongly urge you to stop by. And don’t eat lunch beforehand.

Rustlin Rob's Fredericksburg Texas

Hot Dogs Gone Wild! Top 10 Fixin’s for Your Hot Dog

With the Fourth of July ahead, and at least one package of hot dogs sitting in your freezer or fridge, it”s time to start thinking about your cook-out. Whether it”s you alone or at your jam-packed amazing and mega-impressive/amazeballs party, it”s time to think about spicing up your wieners. For you (and only you), I”ve done my research on the craziest and tastiest varieties of fixin”s for your dog. Choose on and serve, or create a twisted hot dog bar.  Then impress. Here we go…

10. Bacon Wrapped (and Stuffed)

bacon-wrapped-hot-dogs

Bacon is one of the few foods that I believe goes well with everything. Bacon makes all things better. Now, combine it with one of America”s favorite foods, by topping it and stuffing it with bacon. Add cheese and sauerkraut with your typical condiments. Bacon inspires all.

Recipe: Simply Recipes

9. Columbian

Colombia-perro-caliente

I”ve put potato chips on sandwiches, burgers, but never thought to put them on a hot dog already topped with slaw and sauces. Some believe that there is such a thing as too many condiments, or strictly using mustard and only that. It looks like the Columbian may change their minds.

Recipe: My Columbian Recipes

8. Mexican

mexican-hotdog_DSC0645

Pineapple is one thing I never thought of topping my wiener with. But along with chipotle sauce, sweet and spicy sounds good. A couple of jalapenos add a nice kick.

Recipe: Homesick Texan

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The Turducken of Meat: Meatloafenstein

Maybe it’s because of Halloween, or maybe it’s because of the alcohol, but whatever the reason, like my old buddy Dr. Frankenstein, I’VE CREATED A MONSTER! You might think me mad but it came to me while I was enjoying a bottle of scotch and wrestling with the concept of a ‘Turducken.’ You know, the bird stuffed inside a bird stuffed inside a bird. Although I could appreciate the premise, I’m not that much into eating fowl. But wait, I thought! What if I could take my favorite meats—chopped steak, veal, sausage, prosciutto and bacon— and combine them together in a similar fashion? What if I took a pork kielbasa, wrapped it in bacon, and stuffed that inside my favorite meatloaf? What if………

MMWOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! (That’s supposed to be crazy, maniacal laughter). Igor! Ready the kites! There’s a storm approaching and I’ve assembled the parts! Lock the doors! Shield your eyes! Throw the switch – NOWWWWWWW!!

Katt’s ‘Meatloafenstein Monster’ with Igor’s ‘Hell-Fire Hot Sauce’

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Homemade Hot Sauce

Freelance writer Alicia Ranch-Traille joins ES to talk hot sauce. Very hot sauce.

You don’t quite know what makes yourself tick. As a kid, you played mad scientist with the solvents and cleansers beneath the kitchen sink. As a teenage vandal, you really got something out of chemistry class: a temporary record down at the police station. In college, you jumped out of a plane because the sky would win if you didn’t, and you once made a resume that listed only your bodily scars. As an adult, you’re either the dude who sets his head on fire at a bar and makes the national news, or you’re someone for whom ingesting the world’s hottest sauces and peppers is an extracurricular pursuit.

Or maybe both. It’s a fine line.  There’s a way out of this hole, man. It’s time to bottle and sell your pain. You need to make your own hot sauce.

Hot Sauce: A Truly Hot Commodity

Hot sauce isn’t just for men, of course. It’s just that guys have built a whole subculture around it, a close cousin of the microbrew movement. Americans love hot sauce, and the fact that it’s one of the top-10 growth industries in the U.S. right now proves it. By 2017, according to an IBISWorld report, hot sauce is expected to be a $1.3 billion industry, and the movement is already well underway. Just take a look at all the chilihead resources that have popped up in recent years. Austin has a store devoted just to hot sauce. You can get lost in the Hot Sauce Blog for hours, and certain people are obsessed with Sriracha.

What this means for the home chili pepper enthusiast is simple. There’s a market for that thing you love, and you should consider getting in. Unfortunately, chiliheads—being reckless and impulsive by nature—tend to be both rule-averse and unsystematic. That’s no way to learn cooking. “Trial and error” doesn’t mean throwing a bunch of stuff together at random, you know. You can’t see your variables that way. It’s not scientific.

Getting Started

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Turning Water into Wine, ES Style

I get made fun of a lot on ES Staff emails for a variety of reasons, one of which is my love of instant ramen noodles. I’m not sure if my fellow ES writers are horrified or if they think I’m gross, but now maybe everyone will understand why.

Last year I was dating a man who loved food as much as I did, but like many people…hated cooking elaborate things. The relationship is long gone but this “recipe” isn’t.

After  a month or two of expensive dates, both of us became really poor. I was eating soup out of a box mix (still am, but whatever), and he bought a case of instant ramen. Now, ramen? I know what you’re thinking. I did too. I judged him. I said, “I can’t believe you’re almost 30 and eating ramen for dinner!!”

But then something happened. He made the most delicious thing to come out of his kitchen, and it went something like this:

The Best Ramen Ever

1 brick instant beef ramen (he preferred Maruchan but I think Sapporo Ichiban is far superior)
2 parts Frank’s Red Hot
1 part Tabasco
1 part Sriracha

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7 Food and Drink Kickstarters You Never Knew You Needed But Definitely Do

Crowdfunding phenom Kickstarter has helped indie projects raise more than $50 million, launching everything from debut albums and documentaries to pop-up cupcake shops and European vacations. They have also brought the world 7 amazing foodie inventions we never knew we needed but definitely do.

7. Microwave Popcorn That’s Not Gross

When you think about it, microwave popcorn is really a quite ingenious invention. But why does it have to taste like licking the top of a paint can? The Quinn Popcorn Kickstarter came up with a way to make micro popcorn that strips it of all that chemical crap and covers it in natural flavors like parmesan-rosemary and lemon-sea salt.
Result: Success! $27,880 raised. Au natural popcorn to hit shelves soon.

6. Edible Jello Cups

Death to plastic cups at keg parties. One day, every disposable cup will be an edible, disposable vehicle made out of Jello.
Result: Raised $10,429; Edible cup molds currently in testing stage.

5. Pedal-Operated Butter Churner

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been sitting in the kitchen, struggling with my appliances and wondering, why isn’t there one simple machine that allows you to pedal a bike that powers a toaster AND churns butter to put on the toast?
Result: Success! $1,505 raised. Butter bike officially invented.

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Avoid Your Mother (Sauces)

Don’t worry about not mastering the French or Chinese Mother Sauces, you can easily create a creamy and tangy dressing from a few items in your fridge. In an I-need-to-make-dinner-in-30 minutes attempt last night, I buzzed around mustard, tahini, horseradish, hot sauce, manchego, oil, the slightly-cooled pasta cooking water, salt and pepper for a quick sauce on top of Israeli couscous with asparagus, almonds, avocado and green garlic.

The sauce turned out really well and I sourced it all from some hidden gems just in my fridge. Here are some more ideas on how to get the most from all those jars taking up shelf space.

5 Fridge Finds for Better Sauces

1. Mustard

Mustard makes everything better. It adds a creamy texture and a zingy flavor. And just like the New Kids On the Block, there’s a member of the mustard family out there for everyone. We usually keep a  dirty (aka spicy or brown) mustard, a grainy (with mustard seeds) dijon mustard and have recently purchased the British nose-stinger Coleman’s. Each has a unique flavor that can match lots of cuisines. And I’m currently in the market for a super hot Chinese mustard (suggestions welcome), maybe as a coating for eggplant?

2. Tahini

My dad is the only person I know that makes (veggie-filled) hummus on a weekly basis. Most people let their sesame paste sit until the next infrequent hummus affair. Tahini brings depth and thickness, and almost has a raw nut butter flavor. It plays well with plenty of other items, easily blending into a sauce with lemon and cumin, miso and cilantro, or feta and scallions.

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