Cheflebrity Smörgåsbord: Who’s the Hotter Dish?

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The latest and greatest news about celebrity chefs, served up buffet style.

– Who is more desirable, Padma or Giada?  The Ask Men folks hash it out.

– Let’s all raise our chalupas in tribute — the founder of Taco Bell has died at the age of 86.  

After the jump…taking shots as Emeril appears on another network, a sober look at a serious problem and a humorous look at a very chubby problem.

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Cheflebrity Smörgåsbord: Welcome to the Rock

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Let me start off by making something perfectly clear:  I don’t give a rat’s ass who wins on any reality competition show.  For the most part, I think the contestants on these shows are the equivalent of tissues — made to be used and discarded as quickly as possible.  I don’t find these people in the least bit interesting and if your most impressive “skill” is your ability to get chosen to appear on American Idol, or that sewing show that used to be on Bravo, I have no interest in following your exploits after the season is over, even if you are the big winner.

And although I pretty much feel this way about Top Chef Masters, I’d say I only have about 99% apathy.  Why?  Because I totally want Hubert Keller to win this thing.

Two reasons:

  1. He’s a PBS show host and I always like seeing those guys get props.
  2. He looks exactly like Sean Connery at about the 14 minute mark in The Rock.  After he washes off the prison grime but before getting the full make-over by the barber.

I figure this as good an excuse as any to root for him.  Oh…brainstorm!  We need a Michael Bay-directed food movie.  Given his love of fire and slow-motion, that is going to be one AWESOME crème brûlée scene.

Enough silliness…on to the smörg.

– I pray to you, oh Flying Spaghetti Monster, let there be a reality show involved:  Human Train Wrecks Rocco DiSpirito and Jeffrey Chodorow could hook up again?

– How can you tell that a controversial issue is reaching the mainstream?  Shaq tweets about it.  Er, I mean:  When the folks in the industry embrace it.  Chipotle will be screening Food, Inc. at locations around the country.

After the jump…the vocal stylings of Mr. Mario Batali, a link to a story that includes the words “Giada” and “testicles,” and confirmation that Food Network and a former Olympian are completely in on the joke.

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Cheflebrity Smörgåsbord: When in Rome

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When I was asked for my last meal on earth, I immediately went Italian. I have a bit of Italian blood in me, but I’m not the typical New Jersey goombah.  No, I’ve never worn a track suit and gold chain and you wouldn’t mistake me for an extra from The Sopranos.  But it’s certainly the cuisine with which I most closely identify.  I’m actually more Irish than Italian, but you’ve got to be kidding me if you think I’m spending my last moments with potatoes, cabbage and corned beef.

Looking at the list of my fellow ESers, I was struck by how many of them went for simple dishes that undoubtedly remind them of home, family, heritage and the positive memories of life around the dinner table.  Nobody picked the twelve course tasting menu at The French Laundry.  I briefly toyed with the idea of a star-studded mega-meal, but it just didn’t feel right. If you have one last shot, I think it’s best to go with something that reminds you of all the good stuff in your life.

Another wise choice for a last meal?  How about a smörgåsbord?

– Well, if you were going to go high-end for your last dinner, you might want to go Jean-Georges.  If he’s good enough to cook for the past four presidents, he’s good enough for you.

– James Beard winner, Philly food rock star and my personal foodie man-crush Jose Garces makes fish tacos on the Today Show.  He’s pretty good on camera (hint, hint, Food Network folks!)

After the jump:  a politico makes a bold statement on communicable diseases, a food festival as envisioned by William Golding, and the perfect gift for the Giada-stalker in your life.

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Cheflebrity Smörgåsbord: Apparently, Brian Boitano Has a Sense of Humor



In journalism, there is a concept called “burying the lede.”

The “lede” (an insider-ish spelling of “lead”) is the most important or juiciest part of the story.  So, if you were to bury the lede, your story would include a bunch of paragraphs with mundane information and then, as you’re getting to the end, you insert a bombshell revelation like it was nothing.  Burying the lede isn’t good when you’re a journalist.  But when you’re writing a press release, burying the lede is really bad because you want to grab hold of the reader’s attention as soon as possible to sell whatever it is you’re selling.

And so I have to call out the folks at Food Network for their latest press release, which features a number of new shows that will be premiering in the coming months.  Another Alton Brown show…a new season of The Next Iron Chef…Sandra Lee…blahblahblah…nothing earth-shattering.  And then I get way down near the bottom.

WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO MAKE?

Premieres: August 2009

Everyone knows Brian Boitano won an Olympic gold medal in figure skating. What they don’t know: Brian is an accomplished cook who loves to entertain! In this new series, Brian takes viewers on a reality cooking adventure as he creates amazing food for a new event in each episode. Funny, knowledgeable and irresistible, Brian brings himself and so much more to What Would Brian Boitano Make?

Whaaaaaat?!?  Are they really going to have a show title that refers to the legendary pre-South Park The Spirit of Christmas? (See video above…language extremely NSFW)  There is simply no way that this is not the best show on Food Network, even before it debuts.

More delicious smörg after the jump…

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