An Ode to a Clear Kitchen

It’s hard for me to say anything but “NO” when I see this gadget. How could there be anything more unnecessary than a banana slicer?

We pack our lives with things and stuff. And things and stuff. And things and stuff. The kitchen is the recipient of many of our purchases, from the crucial cast iron pot to the you’ll-use-it-once Dough-Nu-Matic Automatic Dougnut Machine. I scroll through friends’ wedding registries knowing the happy couple will never use half the knives in their over-priced set. And of course that famed waffle maker will never leave its box. Maybe for their first anniversary, a cute breakfast-in-bed, but then it will lead a lonely life in the corner of a dark closet.

And then there’s this fucking thing. This Bananza. Calling to our desire for a quick fix. For an easy way out. This device won’t help you eat more bananas. It won’t help you lose weight. You’ll realize this device isn’t any easier than using a knife. This device will clog up your drawer just like the avocado slicer and pitter. This device will remind you that stuff is just stuff. And more stuff doesn’t create anything but a mess.

And no, my lovely boyfriend, this doesn’t mean I won’t come home from my trip to Seattle without more items to fill the kitchen. I just bought apple smoked fleur de seul, in fact. But I thought writing this ode to a clear kitchen might ease the pain of new friends coming back with me.