Cheating -

by Emily

The Most Offensive “Brownies” Ever

I was at Target last week and I found something that everyone needs!

And by “everyone” I mean “no one.”

Let’s work through this…

Making brownies is pretty easy. Flour, egg, cocoa powder, sugar, etc, etc. But nope, that was too hard for us. So we made brownie mix. Just dump the powder into a bowl and add oil, egg, and water. You thought it couldn’t get any more simple, but no! You were wrong. Because now we have a plastic jug that looks like laundry detergent, but it’s full of weird fake brownie potion that you just fill with water and squirt into a pan. NO!

Come on, guys. This is cheating at its absolute worst. Just make delicious homemade brownies instead. It might take a slight bit more effort (hell, breathing takes more effort than that jug o’ mix) but it will be worth your precious time. I promise.

by ML

Burns My Bacon: Encouraging Cheating

Judging from my friends’ and family’s pantries, I know packaged foods are really all the rage. I know “semi-homemade” solutions are even more popular. I’m only knocking these products a little bit, because you know, if a pre-made sauce gets you to actually cook a meal instead of ordering take-out, so be it. But you know what I don’t like? I don’t like the commercials for these products shitting all over the idea of cooking.

I was laying in bed last night watching re-runs of Friends when I saw a commercial for Progresso’s new product, Recipe Starters. Except in the commercial, some woman is trying to fire-roast her own tomatoes (with a blow torch, but whatever), and some chef-like character comes along and LAUGHS AT HER FOR DOING SO, asking sarcastically “Do you churn your own butter?” and hands her a can of fire-roasted tomato sauce. You know what, bitch? I make my own mayo. Leave the poor girl alone! She’s alone, single, and if she wants to fire-roast her own tomatoes with a blow torch, LET HER!! She has the time, so get the fuck out of her (my) kitchen. Don’t make fun of her (me) just because she’s doing something she doesn’t have to do. She wants to make her own damn sauce from scratch; yes its difficult, yes its time consuming, but how does this affect you? That’s right, it doesn’t. LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS.

I know not everyone wants to cook, but for fuck’s sake, don’t shit on those of us who do, or those of us who are trying. Don’t discourage them. I miss the days when boxed dinners were marketed as alternatives to fast-food and take-out, not alternatives to from-scratch cooking.

by Emily

Sometimes It’s OK to Cheat: Dump Cake

So I know that here at ES (and in my life in general) there is a no-cheating policy. That is, make your own damn food, don’t use a bunch of boxed, pre-made mixes and shortcuts. Basically, don’t be Sandra Lee. Sometimes, just sometimes, though… there is a time to break the rules.

Now is that time.

Have you ever heard of “dump cake?” Kind of a gross-sounding name, I know. My mom used to make it for us when we were younger. It’s a very easy, quick, and delicious dessert comprised solely of peach pie filling, cherry pie filling, and yellow cake mix. After dumping those in a cake pan and baking, it kind of comes out as a cross between an actual cake, a cobbler and a pie. Anyway, this summer I got to thinking about my mom’s dump cakes and decided I wanted to bust out my grownup version of the old favorite. It still uses some of the “cheater” ingredients—canned pie filling and cake mix—but I changed up some of the flavors (coconut instead of cherry) and added a few more interesting elements to the topping (toasted coconut-almond crunch versus just cake).

I wasn’t sure if this old recipe would stand up, but the acclaim I received from everyone who tried it confirmed my actions. Sometimes it’s okay to be a cheater.

Peach, Almond, and Toasted Coconut Dump Cake

in Desserts / Recipe 3 comments

by ML

The Stolen Guac

Listen up. This is the only time I will EVER PROMOTE CHEATING.

And I’ve been having a hard time doing so. I’ve literally been trying to write this post for awhile. By awhile I mean….a year or so.

However, there is a certain guilt associated with putting a recipe on the internet when it is supposedly a secret. One of my best friends stole this recipe from her roommate a few years ago. I say she stole it because said roommate refused to give it up, so my intelligent friend closely watched her make it. And took notes.

This is probably the best guacamole I’ve ever had, and the secret lies in the little yellow seasoning packets. If you’re against sodium or MSG, etc, etc…you should probably just stop reading here.

Everyone I know raves about it, and this guac is the only thing my friend is allowed to bring to parties. If she brings something else….well, she wouldn’t do that. She knows how much we like it.

The Best Ever Guacamole Maybe Because It’s Stolen but I Don’t Care or Because It’s Cheating but Again, I Don’t Care

in Recipe 4 comments

by gansie

I’ve Made Peace with Summer Produce

“You still have tomatoes?” I whispered to Julia as I scanned what was left at the Mt. Pleasant Farmers’ Market.

She knew I wasn’t referring to what produce was available a mere 30 minutes before closing, but rather that tomatoes still graced the market the first Saturday in November. “They’re from the hothouse, I think,” she whispers back, eyes squinting out of secrecy.

“They’ve all been picked at this point,” Julia guesses, as she only works the stand, not farms the land. (Not that selling vegetables—and making change without a calculator!—is easy on a weekend morning.)

I didn’t try one of the last quarts of tiny yellow tomatoes. I’ve made peace with summer produce. I’ve said my goodbyes. I bought the last of my tomatoes two weeks ago, roasting them in a low and slow oven, and letting them linger in my fridge for just a few more weeks.

Using them sparingly at first—a few in an egg scramble, a few right to the mouth, a few on toast—I now must act fast before mold wins them over.

in Cheese / Recipe / Veggie 7 comments

by Borracho

Roid Rage

This country’s Jersey Shore obsession must be stopped!! Anyone paying attention the past few months knows that the Situation is getting out of control, and now comes word that soon even our fish will be JUICED! Yes, recently the FDA approved the genetic engineering of salmon for human consumption.

This announcement seems to be gathering a lot of attention here on the interwebs and among some special interest groups, but it has been mainly a blip in the realm of traditional media. Here is a quick recap:

A company has figured out a way to have their salmon produce growth hormones year-round, rather than stop in the colder months as naturally happens. Essentially, they have figured out how to “juice” our fish. (It’s funny because when we found out baseball players were doing this, Congress held a hearing, but with our food, the FDA gave it two thumbs up.) The resulting fish grow much bigger in a shorter period of time, are more aggressive and the majority of them are sterile (you can see why the Jersey Shore reference popped into my head right?)

This news is about more than just salmon.

in Fish / Rants & Raves 10 comments

by BS

Feed Us Back: Comments of the Week

– We have a cheating debate! (Our favorite kind of debate.) When cooking dal, GC/DC claims:

Curry Powder is cheating, almost like using garlic powder, you should have used combo of spices instead.

But scott retorts:

Curry powder isn’t cheating. It’s a great shortcut and is essentially a blend of spices that go into a basic curry recipe though it has nothing to do with curry leaves. Garlic powder on the other hand doesn’t resemble garlic at all.

Thoughts?

– They’re not the only ones picking on gansie’s ingredient choice this week. Britannia:

in Drinks 1 comments