Holiday


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Endless Thanks

Ah, so many things to be thankful for this year. But mostly the gift to humor that is Sarah Palin. If you haven’t seen her turkey “pardon” video yet, it’s a must-see. Although give it a pass if you’re a veggie or other squemish type – don’t say I didn’t warn you.

in Fowl / Holiday / Politics 3 comments
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No Top Chef Live Blog Tonight

Since we all plan to be busy cooking tonight, Top Chef live blog will have to wait ’til next week. Please forgive us and try to enjoy Fabio and the Foo Fighters without us this evening.

Check back next week, when we’ll chat with the next booted chef’testant, and resume live blogging on Wednesday.

Happy Thanksgiving!

in Holiday / Personal / TV 0 comments
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T Minus One

 turkey.jpg

Holy turkeys! The big day is almost here. But don’t freak out, ES has oodles of advice as always. If you weren’t inspired by our Meaty Thanksgiving, Candy Thanksgiving, Elitist Thanksgiving, or even Procrastinator’s Thanksgiving, check out some of our slightly more serious ideas from last year, including:

in Fowl / Holiday / Veggie 0 comments
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Endless Menus: A Procrastinator’s Thanksgiving

Holy Poop! It’s the Monday before Thanksgiving and you ain’t got shit ready. Totally no worries, dude.  ES isn’t only about meals made for foodie snots, we’re also here to help you, the procrastinating omnivore.  Here’s a quick and dirty guide to help you throw together a totally cheating Thanksgiving dinner.

The Frozen Dinner

lean mo fo cuisne

There is nothing more lovely that an elegantly set table: white linen tablecloth, delicately rolled cloth napkins, votives encircling a centerpiece of brightly colored gourds and large china dinner plates on top of gunmetal chargers.  And if you set that scene, no one will ever notice that everyone has been served their own Lean Cuisine.  ES recommends their Roast Turkey frozen dinner:

Tender slices of roasted turkey tenderloins in a traditional gravy with stuffing,whipped potatoes and green beans accented with cranberries

And at a mere 250 calories, no one has to feel bad snacking on that store-bought pumpkin pie. (Photo: Freezer Burned)

More cheating post jump

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in Fowl / Holiday 10 comments
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Endless Menus: An Elitist Thanksgiving

If you’re surely above eating hot dogs on Thanksgiving, and if you’re definitely not basting a turkey with Coke, you may be in the “I’m too good for Thanksgiving” camp.  There are absolutely people out there that cook Tgiving-type meals every week.  Ten courses for 20 people, peeleze!  That’s cake.  Here’s ES’ guide to a holier-than-thou day of thanks for our pretentious readers.  We love you too.

To Start: Cheese Course

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Sliced cheddar cheese—even if you milked the cow and curded the wheys (okay, not even sure if that’s right) yourself—will not do for an appetizer.  You need something fit for royalty.  Let me introduce you to fromage de Clon.  A cheese so rare and regal, that it hasn’t been produced in 250 years.  According to Gourmet,

Partly because of its saffron, partly because of its manufacture [lush green meadows of eastern France], Clon was uniquely esteemed and expensive.  It appeared on the tables of Savoy and the kings of France and was found as far as the Vatican.

But then it mysteriously disappeared until just recently.  Actually, its so trendy that you can’t even read Gourmet’s article online and if you google “fromage de Clon” you’ll mostly find French language sites.  Or you can just call Europe for an order: 011-33-4-74-30-65-46.  (Photo: Conseil général de l’Ain)

The Bird: Capon

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An organic, free range, local turkey is simply not good enough for this discerning gastronome. No, it must be more than a bird favored by peasant America.  Enter the capon.  This rooster has been bred its whole life for a stately meal.  A capon is castrated between 6-20 weeks, resulting in tender, plump flesh.  And because they are not as active and therefore do not have the muscle mass of roosters, capons taste less gamey than the common bird.  Order from your local farmers market. Better yet, make your pool boy do it.  (Photo: Waspie Produce)

More ways to shame your guests into thinking you’re the shit…

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in Cheese / Desserts / Drinks / Fowl / Holiday / Trends / Veggie 10 comments
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Endless Menus: A Candy Fiend’s Thanksgiving

We’ve already told you how to put more meat in your turkey-day, but it’s also come to our attention over the years that many of you see Thanksgiving not as a holiday that needs baconing-up, but more as an extension of Halloween. From candied yams to maple-glazed turkeys, to sugar-coated green beans and of course, more desserts than would even be conceivable on any other day of the year, Thanksgiving is a great time to load up on the sweet treats. But how? That’s where we come to your rescue again, dear readers, with our Endless Menu for A Candy Fiend’s Thanksgiving:

Breakfast: Candy Turkey

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I know a lot of people like to skip breakfast Thanksgiving morning in order to save room for the big meal. This is going about it all wrong. You’ve got to expand your tummy to get ready for the feast. Think of it as warming up for a big race. You’ve got to do some light eating first. So start the day off with a festive fruit snack, which instructables helpfully teaches us how to turn into a candy turkey.

The Bird: Coca-Cola Glazed Turkey

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Everyone’s always looking for a glaze recipe that sets their turkey apart from the neighbor’s, and what glaze could be more American than Coca-Cola? Farmers haven’t figured out how to grow turkeys that taste like Coke just yet (I think the Texas State Fair is working on that one for next year), but thankfully, you can just douse your bird with the brown stuff before sticking it in the oven and it comes out all glistening and sweet. (Photo: bucklava)

The Side: Marshmallow Sweet Potatoes

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Yeah, you people snickered at the Coca-Cola turkey, but then you remembered you already do this, huh? Picking up in the grand vegetable-hiding tradition where green bean casserole left off, sweet potatoes smothered in marshmallows is perhaps the most bizarre of all T-day traditions. Somehow, just because the spuds are a little sweet themselves, that suddenly makes it OK to top them sky-high with hoof-candy. Kinda odd logic, but you won’t hear us complaining. (Photo: kathryn_rotondo)

Follow the jump, sweet teeth…

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in Desserts / Drinks / Fowl / Holiday 5 comments
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