Picture This…

There’s been a lot of talk in the news lately about weiners. I mean wieners. Y’know – a red hot, nitrate stick, tube steak, frankfurter… a weiner, or wiener. It’s spelled both ways and means the same thing – hot dog!

Everybody likes ‘em, especially New York City. They’ve got the biggest one. Not officially of course, because I live in L.A. and I can tell you we’ve got some big ones right here. But New York has involuntarily been linked to the biggest and best Weiner ever. So all this wiener talk made me think about the last time that I had my hands on my own frank, and that made me go out and get all the fixings for a solo night of man-sized dog wrangling, which I really wasn’t going to share but…oh, well.

And just as I got started I got a text from this chick I know and she asked what I was doing. I told her what I had in mind but she didn’t believe me.

“Send a picture of it” she texted.

It sounded a little weird but I thought, “What the hell?”

“WOW” she texted back. “Is that all yours?”

I told her yeah, it was mine but it was a little deceiving because I’ve got really small hands and I asked her if she wanted to come by and try it for herself and believe it or not, 20 minutes later she was all over it.

Anyway, this isn’t anything special (I mean it’s no footlong), but it seemed to push her buttons, so I thought I’d share it with you. Just, uh…promise you won’t tell anybody that it’s mine.

Katt’s Cheesy Wiener

1 package of your favorite  hotdogs
1 package of buns
1 medium yellow onion
4 tablespoons of unsalted butter
Garlic salt
Gruyere and shredded sharp cheddar cheese
Your favorite condiments

This isn’t so much a recipe as a “how I did it” description of my way of pan-frying a dog. Now I prefer my franks grilled on a barbecue, but I hate to fire it up just to cook a couple of tube steaks and besides, I like my buns buttered and toasted. I mean, who doesn’t?

Get a large non-stick skillet with a lid and then slice up your onion so that you have long, thin strips. Melt 3 tablespoons of butter at a medium-high setting and toss in the onions. I like garlic in just about everything but because I’m caramelizing the onions I prefer to add garlic salt instead of fresh minced because garlic burns easy and I have to salt the onions anyway. Once the onions are caramelized to your liking, slide them from the pan into a bowl.

I like to spiral score my dogs before cooking but unlike the spiral method Snebbu uses when he grills I only cut down about an eighth-inch. It’s going to plump up and open which will create a nice flavor trough for all the cheese to fill in.

Pan fry your tuber, making sure to turn it often. While that’s cooking, split your bun and butter each interior side. Once your dog is done, remove it and place the bun in the pan butter side down.

After it’s toasted the way you like, turn the heat down to medium and turn the bun over. Fill it with those tasty onions, place the dog on top and hit it with the cheese. Then place the lid on the pan and heat until the cheese is melted to perfection.

Remove that rocket from its launch pad and top it with your favorite wiener lube. Me, I usually squirt it with my Secret sauce and top that with something hot, but do what you want to with it.

Just remember guys, no matter how proud you are of your weenie don’t get in the habit of sending shots of it to broads you barely know, even if they ask for it.

I mean, once maybe but what kind’a dipshit does that all the time?