For Sandra Lee Fans Only

As you know, sometimes here at ES, we review various food-related products.  Some are good, and some are, erm, less good.  Occasionally though, something comes along that is almost too ridiculous for words.  Enter Southern Living’s the half-hour hostess.

First of all, what’s up with the title?  If something says it is going to take half-an-hour, I expect to be sipping a cold beverage no more than thirty minutes after I begin, forty-five at the outside because I tend not to read the directions correctly the first time through.  Why then, for the “Rush Hour Shower” party, must I, the day before:

1. Roll goat cheese in parsley, cover and chill

2. Prepare Caesar dressing for salad

3. Prepare pizza dough

4. Peel and devein shrimp, and

5. Prepare the cheesecake dip?

And that is just the food.  There are also several “suggestions” for cutesy decorations to make the party complete.  I doubt even Rosie the Robot could begin to knock out this list in 30 minutes.  So, maybe the title should be “The Half-Hour plus Three Hour Hostess,” in the interest of full disclosure.

Okay, so the title is a lie.  And the featured hostess is creepily Sandra Lee-esque as her identical smile follows me throughout the book.  I decided to give the book one final chance, though.  After all, despite the fact that it is decidedly not a cookbook, but rather some kind of extra-shiny party planning guide, there are recipes contained within.  Even if they take more than half an hour, maybe there is something there to be gleaned.

Ha.  From page 36:

Two ingredient guacamole

2 packages refrigerated guacamole

3/4 cup refrigerated salsa

Tortilla chips

1. Stir together both ingredients.  Serve immediately with tortilla chips.

Well, I suppose that would take less than 30 minutes.  If I hadn’t spent the first 29 minutes crying for the tree that gave its life so that this book could be published.

The big question now is, What do I do with this 10 pounds of shiny paper?  I think I know just the collage-making five-year-old who might be able to answer that.