Friday Fuck-Up: Sometimes Booze Doesn’t Improve Things


I know. I KNOW! You read that headline and the fact it was written by me, and your world turned upside down. Your illusions were shattered. I’m sorry! Above all, I have let myself down. But… I’m gonna say it anyway…

Sometimes booze makes things worse, not better.

No, no, NO. Before we get any further, let’s get one thing straight right now: I am not about to tell y’all why you should quit drinking or anything preposterous like that. I’m talking about one very specific, very isolated incident.

Now, most people would see a protein shake and probably not think, “I bet this would be way better if I added trashy flavored vodka to it.” But guess what, most people aren’t me. I received a sample of CalNaturale Svelte, a nutritious and soy protein-packed energy shake, and while I thought it was tasty and filling on its own, I was intrigued by the myriad alcohol possibilities I could introduce into the mix. After all, there has been a considerable amount of buzz about alcohol-related diets and weight loss lately, so I figured, why can’t I hop aboard this train?

Next stop, diet White Russian town. I poured a generous amount of Smirnoff “toasted marshmallow” flavored vodka into my shake, added a splash of Kahlua, and prepared my tastebuds for a tasty, boozy, “healthy” (you know, because of the protein shake) treat.

Tragically, somehow things took a turn for the worst. That beverage got real bad, real fast. Could it be possible that I finally stumbled upon something that didn’t mix well with alcohol? I hate to believe it, but I can’t deny the truth. What started as a creamy, vanilla-y milkshake of nutrition ended up as a semi-curdled, throat-closure-inducing, cup of slop.

To clarify, this was 100% my fault, not Svelte’s. I guess I had to learn the hard way: leave healthy things alone and just let them be nice and nutritious! Sometimes two rights (delicious protein shake + delicious alcohol) can definitely make a wrong. I learned the hard way so you don’t have to.

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  • BS June 29, 2012  

    you get so many kudos for trying this. can’t believe it didn’t work. maybe it would be better mixed with beer?

  • Gena@BakeAllTheThings! June 29, 2012  

    That does sound pretty awful!!

    I did recently discover a WONDERFUL combination though:
    cotton candy vodka + lemonade

    SOOOOOO good and soooo easy to drink!

  • Emily June 29, 2012  

    BS – With beer?! You can try that one and let me know what happens 🙂

    Gena – I love mixing vodka with lemonade. Haven’t tried the cotton candy one yet, but it scares me a little bit… however since I love the marshmallow and whipped cream ones, I should probably give it a go. Remember how you could make Jelly Belly “recipes” as a kid? Eating a lemon + cotton candy flavor was supposed to make a “pink lemonade” flavor in your mouth, and it totally worked.

  • Maumi June 30, 2012  

    YEAH For You for owning up – I don’t think food bloggers admit to failures often enough and we ALL do it … but if we don’t share that then 1. we seem perfect (which is a load of BS) 2. we intimidate those who are just learning to create and who need to know that Every idea simply does Not work! So BRAVO … oh.. and that sounded just vile! I can’t wait to share with my Heart, who believe alcoholic beverages can go into Anything!

  • Josh @ CalNaturale July 2, 2012  

    Hi Emily!

    Josh with the Svelte team here. We applaud your brave efforts for sailing a protein shake into uncharted waters. You are one brave, brave soul. Bummed to hear things went from bad to worse!


  • Emily July 2, 2012  

    Thanks Maumi!! I definitely never claim to be perfect in the kitchen… crazy and over-indulgent maybe, but never perfect. 🙂

    And thanks Josh! I am brave, but saddened. I guess I should learn to let the deliciousness of Svelte speak for itself. Not everything needs vodka in it, I guess.

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