A Celebration of Iced Tea… and Booze

This is a very special day. For starters, yes, it’s Friday, but not just any Friday. It is, apparently, National Iced Tea Day! Duh. On this holiest of days, everyone must appreciate the refreshing luxury iced tea brings to our lives. I know I certainly do.

Of course, there is one glaringly obvious inherent flaw in iced tea: no booze! What is the point of even drinking any liquid if it’s not going to get you buzzed, you know? Never fear. Many geniuses out there agree with my “iced tea needs more alcohol in it” conclusion. These days we have a cornucopia of boozy sweet teas to choose from: Firefly, Jeremiah Weed, Sweet Carolina, etc…

This is a somewhat controversial beverage; I have personally encountered haters who proclaim it “too sweet” or even “disgusting” …but you know what I say?  The same thing I say any time someone turns down delicious alcohol: great, more for me!

Now, let’s state the obvious: classic iced tea makes a great mixer. Just ask Arnold Palmer, the great man who discovered the glory of combining lemonade and iced tea, so brilliant that his name will now forever be associated with beverages instead of just golf. Tragically, this drink possesses the same drawback as traditional iced tea: non-alcoholic. However, let’s do the math. Iced tea (good mixer) + Lemonade (good mixer) = Good mix of good mixers = one GREAT mixer = Arnold Palmers are alcohol’s best friend! In-depth historical research informs me that we can call an alcoholic AP either a John Daly or a Happy Gilmore (…no) or a “Donovan.” What? Has anyone ever ordered a Donovan without feeling like a douchebag?

Anyway, the problem with alcoholic Arnie Palmies, Donovans, whatever you want to call this heavenly nectar: during the summer I want to drink them all the time. But the man wants to keep me down. Unlike mild-mannered sober iced tea, which is accepted everywhere, society frowns upon constant public consumption of iced tea cocktails. I say enough is enough! On this momentous holiday, I shall share my secret recipe for limitless summertime boozin’ fun. Mix up one of these bad boys after work today, and raise a glass to the weekend.

Public Palmer Cocktail

1 Starbucks Tazo® Shaken Iced Passion Tea Lemonade
Any size you choose. If you’re lucky enough to live in an area that offers the Trenta, I say, go for it! The more the better when it comes to treating ourselves, right, America?! I like to get mine unsweetened, considering the second ingredient, but if you love sugary/syrupy drinks, knock yourself out.
1 bottle of Sweet Tea Vodka
Which brand? The choice is yours!

Procure your Starbucks iced beverage. Find a quiet, dark corner. Open the lid of your iced passion tea-lemonade. (Sidenote: if you are one of those people who hates passion iced tea, you are allowed to order a different flavor of Tazo. But I am sad for you.) Dump in as little or as much vodka as you would like. Don’t be afraid to get a bit festive with your rations! It is the holidays, after all. Mix gently with your straw. Replace lid. Walk around anywhere you please, enjoy the sun, sip your covert adult beverage out of your innocent Starbucks cup. Snicker at everyone else who is drinking water or coffee. Imagine the possibilities of what you will do with the rest of your bottle of sweet tea vodka. It’s gonna be a great summer!

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  • Shawna June 10, 2011  

    Thank you for another reminder on why I keep you around.

  • Julie June 10, 2011  

    One word: Hilarious.

    I’m always looking for new ideas to explore my covert alcoholism. 😀

  • Lindsey C. June 10, 2011  

    HAHAHA! My roommate poured half a bottle of grey goose into a passion tea and thus it was named a Pomegranate D*ck Punch!

    Congrats for joining the alcoholic Starbucks club!

  • BS June 10, 2011  

    A Lindsey C. – alcoholic starbucks club just might have to be a new ES feature

  • Lindsey C. June 10, 2011  

    LOL. we (my roommate and I) used to work there, so… yeah, we’ve had alcohol in just about every variation of drink offered by the “Bux”.

    And a few other things mixed in as well if I remember correctly… but I might be a little ‘hazy’ on that…

  • Lindsey C. June 10, 2011  

    Oh, what an interesting idea, every week could feature a classic Starbucks drink with a twist. mmm.

    Like, A mocha with peppermint schnapps added and voila, peppermint mocha with a kick!

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