#1 Most Invaluable Kitchen Tool

Wherever you’re reading this, put down your laptop and go buy this now. At only $104.40, this butter spreader is worth every penny. It does it all: it spreads butter on hamburger buns, and spreads butter on lots of other shit, and turns like a little hamster wheel, and looks incredibly cool. Simply put the butter in the bottom of the well, place it on some heat to melt, and the butter spreader does the work. You might even be able to use it as a cheese grater or a food mill for those lumpy mashed potatoes. Forget my Staub or my Beka pancake pan,┬ámy entire collection of chef’s knives, or even all of my culinary knowledge. Put me in kitchen stadium with this thing, and I am good to go.

Yeah, it’s April Fools Day. And I confess I can’t go on in good conscience trying to sell this thing to you dear ES-ers. But the truth is it actually exists. And I have witnessed an actual, real life purchase of this piece of equipment (can I use that word?) It made me question the individual’s intellect. Maybe they had just purchased a pet hamster and thought it was meant for the hamster cage.

What the French toast is this piece of shit?! And why the fuck would anyone pay $104.40 for a butter spreader? Of all the dumb ass kitchen tools including the banana slicer and onion goggles, this one takes the cake. What happened to using a brush for melted butter? A butter wheel is really that necessary? I suppose using this instead of a brush would save you 0.000043 seconds. And time is money. But bring this into a professional kitchen (while wearing your onion goggles) and I reckon you might as well count on getting your ass kicked.

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