Ten Worst (Foodie) Things About Being Knocked Up


(Actual TVFF Jr. ultrasound…the embellishments are artistic license)

No, I’m not pregnant. But Mrs. TVFF is, so I’ve become hyper-aware of dietary restrictions placed on women when they’re expecting. It’s amazing how much you can’t/shouldn’t eat. God forbid that something on the no-fly list make its way into your diet, and don’t even try to talk about it on those baby discussion boards, where you’ll be immediately branded an unfit mother if you so much as suggest that “sunny side up” is a valid option for your breakfast table.

So, since I’m at least somewhat responsible for Mrs. TVFF’s current condition, I thought it would be a good idea to solicit her thoughts on what she’s been missing the most during the first 36 weeks and share it with you. Obvious disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, so please don’t take this as medical advice.

10. Booze

Who doesn’t like a good stiff drink at the end of a hard day’s work? Well, let me tell you this: Nobody could use a double martini more than a woman who has been dragging around an extra 25 pounds all day. Later in the pregnancy, it’s apparently kosher for you to have a half glass of wine with dinner, but that’s cold comfort for someone who would benefit from a bender.

9. Undercooked eggs

This one should come as no surprise to ES-ers, but we like a nice runny egg once in a while in the TVFF household. And we both love spaghetti carbonara (even if it doesn’t turn out perfectly), so it’s a minor tragedy that this one has been off the menu since May.  Also, having to portion the scrambled eggs in the pan and scoop out my share invariably leads to a messy countertop and overcooked eggs in the end. Can’t wait until we can go back to playing salmonella roulette on a regular basis!

8. Sushi

This is the one area where I’ve decided to show some solidarity with the wife. I’ve gone 36 weeks without raw fish, and it’s starting to get really annoying. She knew better than to ask me to give up drinking for nine months.  I love her and all, but let’s be real. To tide us over, she opts for the California roll from the her usual NYC lunch spot and I’ve relegated myself to a somewhat palatable Trader Joe’s faux-sushi, but it only makes us want the real stuff that much more.

7. Rare Meat

Some women profess a craving for meat during pregnancy, though Mrs. TVFF was much more interested in fresh fruit. Regardless, the done-ness of the meat that we are eating has proven to be an issue. She has steered (no pun intended) away from overly rare steaks and burgers, but the big headache has been chicken. Look, I’m not suggesting you eat your chicken at anything less than “done,” but I don’t like that I’ve been turned into an obsessive food safety inspector due to my zeal to prevent any kind of infection.

6. Caffeine

This poor woman can hardly keep her eyes open past 10:00 p.m. and yet she’s forced to studiously consult Starbucks’ Web site to make sure she isn’t going a few milligrams above her daily allotment.

Next: Top 5 Worst (Foodie) Things About Being Knocked Up

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  • Britannia November 4, 2010  

    @tvff this is awesome, and I had no idea, congrats to you both… I’m sure your wife would accuse you of being more than “somewhat responsible”!

  • Hope November 4, 2010  

    @tvff this post is hilarious. Got a link from the Dec Baby group (babycenter.com).. posted by mrs.tvff

  • erica November 4, 2010  

    congrats@!!! (i would be more worried about the nitrated in the deli foods and the risk of lymphoma in children from the hot dogs)

  • BS November 4, 2010  

    remind me never to get pregnant.

  • Mrs. TVFF November 4, 2010  

    @Britannia – yeah, TVFF’s favorite joke is to stare at me and say “how’d your belly get so big?!” And I just point to him and say “you! you did this to me!”

    Just practicing my lines for when we’re in labor and I get to shout them at him! 🙂

  • Don November 4, 2010  

    I can tell the whole experience is finally getting to you. You are in rare form today. Very funny!

  • ML November 5, 2010  

    This has made me realize I’m probably going to get fat AFTER I have a child, when I can finally gorge myself on brie and vodka again.

  • LexLady November 6, 2010  

    Great post — I know what you’re going through — I’m pregnant, too.

  • Lindsay November 8, 2010  

    Hi, 2 things: first, do you know if its a boy or girl? considering your wife’s craving for fruit, i’d have to guess girl. supposedly “meat” cravings lean towards a boy in the belly. and secondly, apparently that nut allergy assumption is more prone to mothers who are highly allergic people. if your wife isn’t prone to food allergies (be it milk or wheat or nuts etc) then she can eat nuts without worry…
    Fun list, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on the majority of things you have here after delivering!

  • tvff November 12, 2010  

    @Lindsay: Nope, we’re not finding out whether it’s a boy or girl. Our friends and family are giving their thoughts and the results are about 50-50. Of course, the population of the human race is roughly 50-50, so I don’t know that they’re providing any real insight.

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