If You Can’t Crack an Egg…

Get the Fuck Out of the Kitchen.

But before I get to the Ez Cracker

Just yesterday 80 commented to me what a useless device an electric can opener is. I agreed. Just because we can electronic-ize something, doesn’t mean we should. It’s so easy to use a manual can opener. An electric can opener is a waste of counter space. A waste of counter space plus a device that can only perform one task.

So you can imagine if I am that offended over a can opener you can only guess my utter disgust for this totally fucking useless device.

REALLY?! We need a plastic contraption to crack an egg? You can’t just hit it against your counter top? It’s not hard. Children do it all the time. In fact, it’s one of the first things to teach a child in the kitchen. Honestly I don’t even know how to keep going. I can’t think of anything else to say except if you need this plastic crap to crack an egg get the fuck out of the kitchen.

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  • BS July 27, 2010  

    My favorite part is the disaster scenes. “no more messy countertops! no more slimy stovetops!” I mean yeah, sometimes you get a piece of shell in there, but who has these problems where you drop egg yolks all over the kitchen?

  • Britannia July 27, 2010  

    Ugh. This is everything that is wrong in this world. This egg thing is just for the plain stupid, if you can’t crack an egg you deserve to have shell in your muffin.

    However, not that I own one, but I do think the electric can opener has a market, for the elderly, people with arthritis etc.

  • 80 Proof July 27, 2010  

    Good point Brit, hadn’t thought of that. I think that many people own electric can openers do so because they feel like they should. It hearkens back to a 1950’s mentality if electrifying everything in the household. I admit my mom had one growing up and I thought it was extremely cool as a kid. But now, when it takes 20 seconds to use a manual opener, I wonder what the point of it is.

    I will say that I am not opposed to all uni-taskers. I can’t go without an apple corer. Slicing an apple actually takes a little skill and practice, and the corer gets the job done in seconds. Amazing.

  • dad gansie July 27, 2010  

    Nice thing. Leave it to gansie to find an easier way to crack an egg
    Looks neat $20 way too much anyway plus s&.h
    Oh well. Good luck for clean cracking

  • westcoast July 27, 2010  

    I thought I was the easy cracker. Huh.

  • Summer July 27, 2010  

    I’m not able to watch the video, but that opening image depicts the making of cupcakes, and anyone who has ever made cupcakes can tell you that cracking the eggs is NOT the difficult part of that operation. Cracking an egg is easy. Doling the cupcake batter out, in even portions, without slopping it all over the tin or having the paper liners collapse in on themselves, THAT is the hard part. How come there isn’t an automatic cupcake batter dispensing device infomercial?

    An automatic cupcake batter dispenser with the easy egg cracker as the “But wait, there’s more!” item… now that would be infomercial gold.

  • Jeb July 27, 2010  

    I am lazy and enjoy my electric can opener. I like it even more that it’s stainless steel. Very important.

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