Death to the Hoagie Man
Maybe I’m watching more television these days (well, what else are you supposed to do after college anyway?) but commercials over the last year or two have gotten increasingly annoying. I know nobody can forget the Lenten McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish jingle (GIVE ME BACK THAT FILLET-O-FISH, GIVE ME THAT FISH…sorry), or the YouTube fan rap turned commercial advertising McNuggets (who ISN’T into McNuggets, y’all?). And you can’t tell me you haven’t been to Subway for a Five Doollllaaaa Footlong.
But this time, WaWa has crossed the line…
WaWa only exists in the Northeast US, so many of you are spared from this horrible, horrible advertising that has fallen upon us in Philly and surrounding areas. Trust me, you are lucky, lucky bastards.
I’ll admit it, I was afraid to talk about it until this horrid promotion was over, in fear that the strange scarf-wearing balloon operator would kill me in my sleep. The WaWa Hoagie Man, as he is called, made me want to run out of WaWa screaming every time I saw his cartoonish hair peeking out from behind one of their big hanging HoagieFest signs.
This whole HoagieFest scared me. The songs (yes, multiple songs) drove me absolutely nuts, like one of those high pitched sounds that makes a dog go batshit. I avoided WaWa, and absolutely did not want to buy a hoagie to participate in this sacrilege of a Philadelphia institution.
Dramatic? Maybe. But who hasn’t been driven completely out of their minds by a jingle? And why are the food ones the best worst?
What food jingle drives you insane in the membrane?