Easy Drinkin’



Ah, summer. Pool parties, farmers markets, and…tailgates.

At my family’s tailgates, we’re normally more concerned with the quantity than quality of our food, since tailgating is all about surviving a day of drinking. This is a little lot strange to me, considering Philadelphia is supposed to have a lot of really good tailgate food. We do bring enough grub to feed the entire parking lot (30 hot dogs, 30 hamburgers, and four hoagies for 8 people?), but the star of the show is undoubtedly our bar menu.

The main goal here, which I’m sure is the same for other people, is to maximum consumption in a minimal amount of time. We always drink beer and shots of Eagles Juice (a secret, lime green concoction that is followed by a singing of “Fly Eagles Fly,” at any event, football or not). But after a few hours it becomes really hard to produce quality beverages, given the increasing difficulty of once-simple tasks like measuring, pouring, and lifting the glasses.

Solving our problem this summer are Aunt Judy’s diabetic margaritas. Yes, I’m aware they sound like complete shit, and they might even be cheating. But these have multiple benefits besides being low in sugar:

1) there are only two ingredients, so you can make them while wasted, as long as you can remember the secret ratio, which was described to me in confidence as “1 to 1 to 1 to 1.” I converted the drunken lingo for you all in the recipe below.

2) they are not filling (at all) so you can consume many more of these drinks than you could of any sugary margarita. In record speed.

3) they taste so close to the real thing, that unless your name is Jose Cuervo, you’ll never know the difference.

Aunt Judy’s Diabetic, Two-Ingredient, Easy-to-Make-While-Incoherent Margaritas

– ¼ c Tequila

– ¾ c Key Lime Flavor Sparkling Water

Pour over ice and serve. Garnish with a lime wedge if you remember. You’ll be so drunk in no time, you won’t even miss the Cointreau. Or limes. Or anything.

Feed Us Back: What’s your can’t-fail summer drink? A.k.a. – what do you mix when you’re too drunk to mix anything else?

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  • Nina July 15, 2009  

    Don Julio, just! Actually, around our house it’s usually Vodka Tonics or Vodka and Pink Lemonade. Of course I like to make the batch of lemonade from the powder mix, but it’s helpful to have a few cans of the Countrytime stuff in the pantry- for backup, just in case the ability to mix gets really impaired! Garnish with lime wedges, yum.

  • Adam July 15, 2009  

    Redneck punch

    Six pack of crappy, American light beer. Coors or Bud are my preferred brands.
    1 can of frozen, concentrated lime aid.
    1 pint of vodka

    Mix and serve.

    Delicious, refreshing, and bound to get you drunk quickly.

  • Bliz July 15, 2009  

    homemade watermelon-infused vodka with a couple rocks, maybe a splash of lemonaid… but that’s only if it’s too hot to drink bourbon

  • The Food Scribe July 15, 2009  

    Rye, rocks, splash of orange-flavored seltzer. Hold the seltzer after awhile…

  • gansie July 15, 2009  

    wow. this is impressive. im usually a miller lite girl.

  • alyssachristine July 15, 2009  

    Peach shnapps.
    just plain peach shnapps.
    maybe, to be creative, some juice in it…but its definitely not necessary…that stuff is heavenly 🙂

  • LC July 15, 2009  

    white wine spritzer. Now, I’m usually not a fan something so a) girly and b) apt to mess with the taste of alcohol and/or the rate at which an adult beverage will get one drunk. On the other hand, my cousin swears by this drink as a fool-proof way to be less drunk than everyone else at various events where drinking is mandatory -weddings, graduation parties, family reunions, rooftop cocktail parties, etc. It beats the other option, which is just not drinking so much, I guess.

  • ML July 15, 2009  

    family+less drunk= doesn’t sound like a good idea.

  • ML July 15, 2009  

    ML mom reminded me that my Uncle’s vodka and tonics are easy to make…and look pretty much the same if you forget the tonic.

  • LC July 15, 2009  

    @ ML. I see your points. I guess I should have said the spritzer keeps you less embarrassing than everyone else, until it doesn’t matter because everyone else is way more embarrassingly drunk and likely won’t remember. Per your 2nd comment: It is law in my family that neither a bloody mary nor vodka tonic can have too much vodka.

  • Summer July 15, 2009  

    I’m with ML… I’ve been mixing cocktails as a way of keeping my alcohol consumption in check. I never used to, I swear! But exactly one year ago today, I moved from DC to the Florida beach, and when I’m out on the beach under the super-strength summer sun I can’t drink too much or I might die. But not drinking at all is not an option!

    My libation of choice is red wine and coke. It’s popular all over the red-wine-drinking world, and it’s an easy way to make a $3 bottle of rioja drinkable. Serve over ice in a plastic thermal mug for maximum classiness.

  • ML July 15, 2009  

    Holy shit..red wine and coke?

    Four years of college and I never learned that one. I want a refund. Now.

  • jenny July 15, 2009  

    swap out your tequila for coconut rum. it tastes like suntan lotion smells, which was a lot more appealing when the drink was first made (dorm room cocktails!)

    =) i actually order these at the bar… club soda and lime is not as good as key lime sparkling water, though.

  • John Barrie July 16, 2009  

    This is a great idea. My wife and I were wanting to healthy up our diet without cutting back too much on drinking….I think there is much rejoicing, except maybe by the liver.

  • ML July 16, 2009  

    Aunt Judy’s thoughts exactly.

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