Blogger Boggle: FMK
Editors’ Note: You know, it’s hard thinking of snarky commentary every day, so we’ve opened up the labor pool to our fellow food bloggers.
This week we’ve asked our Food Network watching buddies to play a friendly game of Fuck, Marry, Kill. For those of you unfamiliar, you are given three things and must decide which one to fuck, marry and kill.
It’s summer, okay, give us a break. We’ll return to serious food matters soon enough.
Sandra – Fuck. I can picture the tablescape now.
Bobby – Marry. I almost married a guy friend in college so we could do the Peace Corp together. I’m not above it. If I married Bobby, I would cheat on him with all of his ex-wives, in order. Then I would sell the rights to the Made-for-TV Movie
Neelys – Kill. Actually, I don’t even have to. The way they eat, I can just sit back and watch nature do its magic. They butcher meals in a way that I’ve never seen before.
—Nick, Macheesmo
Of course you’re going to fuck the Neelys. It’d be an interesting night of saucy ribs and a sexy spice fairy… and I’m sure Gina would get involved, too.
I’d marry Bobby, since he has a high net worth and he’s already been married 4 times so we’d probably get divorced. And I wouldn’t sign a prenup.
I guess that leaves Aunt Sandy to get killed, but I’m sure she’d come back as a beautiful color-coordinated napkin ring made out of bottle caps stitched together with craft wire.
—Jacob Strauss, Food Network Addict
Fuck: Sandra Lee (although I’d prefer to not be personally involved in the aforementioned boning, she seems like she could stand to get laid and then maybe eat a sandwich after.)
Marry: The Neelys (as a couple, this may not be possible? Maybe in Massachusetts? I hear you can marry a rusty hubcap there now.)
Kill: Bobby Flay (I’ve never forgiven him for being an insufferable cock on Japanese ‘Iron Chef’.)
—Kristen Bonardi Rapp, gezellig-girl.com
Look, I’m obviously having sex with Sandra Lee here. She’s hot. Plus, having sex with Bobby Flay or an awkward threesome with the Neelys would be hard to attempt since I’m straight.
The question now, is who to marry? My first inclination was to say marry the Neelys, since Bobby Flay would get kind of annoying. But watching video clips of them, they are all about “putting you to work” if you are in their house, which would be a huge jones. So I’m gonna marry Bobby Flay with the hopes we can just hang out, shoot some pool, cook together and be chill.
And the kill goes to the Neelys.
—Jon Eick, So Good
I’d have to say fuck Sandra Lee, because I’m certainly not gonna marry her, what with all the cheating.
I’m gonna go with Marry Bobby Flay, because as douchebaggy as he is, you gotta admit his wife seems pretty happy. Plus he really is a good cook, which is of course the #1 thing to look for in a life partner.
I’ve never watched the Neely’s, so let’s throw them in the Kill category.
—BS, Endless Simmer
If you had to fuck, marry and kill the Neelys, Sandra Lee and Bobby Flay – how would you break it down?
Right off the bat I’m going to have to kill Sandra Lee. She has had it coming for a long time…have you seen her Kwanza cake?
I would marry Bobby Flay. I was not at all aware that he has been divorced multiple times. But his wife is always laughing and enjoying herself. Plus he’s a great chef and travels a lot…oh and has pimped himself out enough to be super rich. I would have my dream kitchen.
I guess that leaves Neely’s to fuck. Not desirable but what’s a girl gonna do.
Wow – I’m going to need 2 kills on this one: Sandra Lee and the Neelys. Can’t stomach the thought of marry or fuck with this trio. Marrying Sandra Lee would send me into an MSG-induced coma.
Guess that leaves a double-dose of marry/fuck with good ole’ Bobby. Could be worse – have you seen his kick ass roof patio with a view of the New York skyline? Worth it.
I am killing Sandra Lee, because she DOES NOT COOK. As for the Neeleys, I’m going with fuck, because they clearly almost have sex on camera while they’re cooking, so I feel like they’d be a good time. As for Bobby, I guess I’m stuck marrying him
Can we not just kill them all, they’re all a sorry bunch of misfits.
Push comes to shove I would have to kill the Neely’s, they are way too perky and happy for my liking. Fuck Sandra, just so I can kick the bitch out of bed and never have to look at her miserable excuse of a face again, which I guess leaves Bobby. Bobby can at least cook, and most marriages are sexless relationships anyway so I guess I wont have to go there.
…and you didn’t ask the people at FoodNetworkHumor.com?! Total fail!
Oh come on, no one thinks Bobby would make just a good lay because he’s so damn arrogant and cocky he must be good somewhere??? It sure ain’t his food!!!