Top Chef Exit Interview: First Runner-Up

Our interview with the second-place chef’testant, after the jump (viewer discretion is advised).

He dominated for awhile, but in the end, Stefan is not your Top Chef. Just don’t mention it to him — I don’t think anyone has told him yet.

I thought the dessert was gonna put you over the top last night, but it kind of bombed. What happened?
The problem — and the other chefs will back me up on this — is that the plates are too fucking small. You’ve got a 4-inch plate. How are you going to put a decent dessert on that?

How pissed were you when Fabio said Hosea’s food was better than yours?
Absolutely not. You know, Europeans are honest. You’ve got to be honest. In one episode I said that Fabio’s lamb was overcooked; you’ve got to be honest. I can take it. By the way, I love bloggers. You guys are fucking awesome. I love reading it all. I just read and laugh and laugh. I take it like it is and just laugh so hard.

You’re not phased by being disliked?
I’m always very confident. People call it arrogant, cocky, I call it confident. Did I look like an idiot on TV? No, I looked like a million bucks, so I’m very happy about that.

But you must be mad that you didn’t win Top Chef.
I did win Top Chef, buddy, read the blogs! Hosea gets a $100,000 egg. I am the chicken who is going to lay a lot of eggs and make a lot of money. I’m selling t-shirts at cockychefclothing.com — I’m selling panties with a picture of a cock on it, it’s great. And I’ve got a book coming out called Dirty Dishes, it’s a bunch of chefs writing recipes and writing about me and my life.

What about that teary moment with Carla? You’re really a softie, huh?
Let me tell you, Carla is a very sweet lady. I had some tears in my eyes when I watched that on TV. I can’t see women crying, it fucking breaks my heart. That’s why I picked Marcel. I saw Carla’s face and I knew she couldn’t deal with him. He’s an ass, I’m an ass, so I could deal with him. Marcel was a very good sous chef, by the way. He’s a bit of a twat, but who isn’t?

Speaking of the t-word, I can’t believe they let you say that on TV!
Twat is not that bad. Cock made it onto TV. I said cock twice on national TV. Look, it’s an English word, we all know what it means.

Are you gonna do more TV?
Let me tell you, I’m working on it. I think I have a good shot at something.

Maybe you and Fabio can get a show?
That would be hilarious, but I think it would be better if me and Jamie got a show.

Are you still in love with Jamie?
How can you not be in love with her? I love the lesbians. Who doesn’t? It wouldn’t be the first time. That chick has a great smile and the best laugh. Love her. Leah too, by they way. She also had a great laugh. If Jamie reads this, if she’s ever ready for babies, I’m ready for it. We would make pretty babies.

Do you hope to open a restaurant?
Let me tell you buddy, write a check. I want to open a restaurant, but I want to do it in the right way; not too high-end, especially with the economy. I went to a place last night where Bud Light was $13. That’s retarted. I want to do a restaurant that’s fun, where people can just go sit outside, sit by the fire, have a good time.

What did you learn most from Top Chef?
You gotta be on the good side of the bloggers, that’s the key.

Anything else you want to add?
You guys gotta lay off Hosea a bit. He’s getting a lot of shit and it’s really tearing him up. He doesn’t deserve that much shit. He deserves a little bit of shit but not that much.

Tune in to ES Friday, when we’ll chat with the Top Chef, Hosea.