March Madness: America’s Top 10 Drunk College Foods
With the NCAA basketball tournament tipping off this afternoon, America’s brightest young minds are poised to spend the next month doing what they do best: getting drunk and yelling at television screens. When all the blood, sweat, tears – and beer – are swept off the court, the nation’s 18 million college students will be left in search of one thing: some grease to soak it all up.
While you were finalizing your bracket picks, Endless Simmer carefully evaluated the tournament field to compile this list of the tournament’s Top 10 Colleges – ranked by the drunk food they have to offer their hungry, hungry students. Eat that, U.S. News and World Report.
10. University of Wisconsin – Mac ‘n Cheese Pizza
Photo: J&J Blog
Oh maaaan, I need some pizza. Cheesy pizza. Mmmm, cheese. No, wait, I want mac and cheese. Oooh! Pizza with mac and cheese on top! That’s what I want.
If you have ever said or heard a statement like this, you are almost certainly a drunk college student. Also, you probably live in Wisconsin.
The Badgers may have been dissed by the selection committee (29-4 can’t get you a no #2 seed??) but Wisconsin never was as good at sports as they are at creative use of cheese. Madison drunks flock to Ian’s Pizza for this gooey, magnificent creation that just couldn’t come from any other state.
9. Rutgers – Fat Darell
Don Imus’ not-so-favorite team is back in the women’s tourney as a Number 2 seed, while the Rutgers men were sent packing after a miserable season at the bottom of the Big East.
But don’t feel too bad for the Scarlet Knights – they can always console themselves back on campus with a Jersey summer full of Fat Darrells, a behemoth of a sandwich that solves the drunk’s eternal dilemma of “Do I want chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, or French fries?”
The answer: a resounding “all three,” piled high on a sub role and topped off with marinara sauce. I’d tell you more about it but I’m a little short of breath and I feel a painful shooting sensation in my arm.
8. Purdue – The Duane Purvis All-American
Photo: Flick User Horsepj
You can be forgiven if you didn’t know the name of Purdue’s All-American half-back/full-back from their undefeated 1932 football team. But you should damn well know the burger that bears his name.
The Triple XXX Family Restaurant in West Lafayette, Indiana serves up this decidedly unwholesome Boilermaker classic: 100% sirloin patty with lettuce, tomato, pickle, Spanish onions, and….wait for it…peanut butter. Only a drunk or Elvis – perhaps only a drunk Elvis – could fully appreciate this brilliance.
7. University of San Diego – Filiberto’s Carne Asada Burrito
Photo: Flickr user buckofive
The San Diego Toreros may not be a household name – in fact, if you google the phrase University of San Diego team, the first hit is the school’s mock trial club. Scroll down to the bottom of the results page to find the bball squad, who shocked favorites Gonzaga and St. Mary’s to steal the WCC title and a berth in the big dance this year.
But that’s not what has these young fellows so excited; they’re just pumped up about this steak-filled beauty. USD students have shown the dirt cheap, gigantic burritos from Filiberto’s so much love that the chain has expanded to towns throughout Cali and Arizona, but U Study Drunk loyalists still swear by the original.
6. University of Pittsburgh – The South Side Slope
For some reason, Polish cuisine has never quite caught on in the United States. And that reason is the simple fact that it doesn’t come between two slices of bread.
Pitt saloon Fatheads has a solution to this problem, and its name is the South Side Slope. A giant kielbasa topped with fried pierogies, grilled onions, American cheese and something called horsey sauce. Don’t ask, just eat.
Pittsburgh sure does know how to do sandwiches. They also have Primanti Bros. where your sandwich comes with fries and slaw….in the sandwich.
I ate many of them in the wee hours of the morning….shhhh
Where is the love for Temple, St. Joes, or Villanova??? A local favorite served around these parts is a little piece a heaven called the “BarnYard” a cheese steak and a chicken cheese steak served with bacon and hot sauce. My favorite sandwich that has unfortunately taken 5 years off my life expectancy.
I’m sort of ashamed to admit I had a jumbo slice this weekend. Bright green drinks will do that to you.
As a resident and sometime-defender of the Main Line, I have to support SAG in his protest against the absence of the Philly schools, for the reason that you can also get a mac-and-cheese slice at Peace A Pizza, a Philly-area (and also apparently Florida?) pizza chain. I can only speak personally for the Bryn Mawr store, but their particular genius lies in the sharing of their building with Hope’s Cookies. Mac and Cheese pizza followed by a triple-chocolate cookie? Maybe a triple-chocolate cookie AND a snicker doodle? Yes, please.
Take that, Wisconsin.
i also liked, and i think tim would agree, the chicken fried grilled cheese from TD’s. three buttery pieces of texas toast, three different cheeses (cheddar, provolone, ???), and three deep fried chicken fingers. ranch dressing for dipping of course.
where is the gut-box at fsu? this page is naked without a reference to guthrie’s and the crack sauce. not sure what is in the crack sauce, but man is it tasty. and if you place your dirty coins in it over night, they will be shiny and new the next day!
Brian, I’m shocked.
Where’s the love for Grilled Stickies from Penn State? Or ACME Pizza?
Massachusetts…home of Dunkin Donuts. Enough said.
I second the grilled stickies! 😀
V Tech – save it for f’ball season, but you can grab a full smoked turkey leg on your way into the stadium from the beer (and vomit) soaked tailgate spot.
Agreed with Ramona — Primanti’s is a much more appropriate choice. It’s actually on the Pitt campus as opposed to in the South Side, 15 or so minutes away by bus/car, like Fathead’s.
Wow – all I want is fatty fried food right now – with a Large Mr. Pibb. I wish I liked basketball more!
beer me a fat darell, big tuna
give me a jumbo slice, any day.
Yes on jumbo slice, but Georgetown/American/GW!!!
I have a healthy(?) respect for the Jumbo Slice, but it’s not the quintessential Georgetown drunk food.
As a former Hoya, I can tell you we swear by the Chicken Madness and Burger Madness at Wisemiller’s, just off of campus. The Chicken Madness features chunks of chicken breast, provolone cheese, onions and peppers on a sub roll with mayo and spices (definitely some cayenne pepper in there). The Burger Madness has two hamburger patties and American cheese.
Either one is head and shoulders above offerings from the Philadelphia Cheesesteak Factory (aka Filthy Cheese).
Ever been to the UB campus in Buffalo, NY? Right across the street you got Amy’s Place. It’s not open late so it’s more for the hangover. Go for Veggie Wet Shoes! Lentils, hot sauce, chopped onion, garlic and tomato over a mound of curly fries with sour cream on top!
JH, you know I love you right, but I have to say: the chicken madness is over rated.
Wow. pure madness Gansie. That’s a damn good sandwich.
As a fomer ‘burgher stuck in florida (hence the Guthrie’s/FSU reference) I must say Primaniti’s is good, but the only reason it made the list over Peppi’s is because it is open late. Hit Peppi’s in the strip after happy hour and get yourself a cheesesteak and fries. Not to mention, it is the home of the Roethlisberger. And my cousin is co-owner…shameless plug!
I have little love for G-Town, but the Chicken Madness is a quality sandwich, I don’t think this is even really up for debate.
You watch your God Damn mouth about Philadelphia Cheesesteak Factory. Their Italian Grinder is the one of the best sandwichs to be had in Washington, DC.
PJ’s in Columbus on the OSU campus has the best drunk food ever created in their line of “fat subs” my personal favorite is the fat bitch – chicken fingers, hot sauce, jalapeno poppers, fries, ranch and bacon
Did ACME pizza reopen at PSU??? They closed down when I was there because of some stupid law. That place was the greatest!!!!
What are those USD students thinking? Any Carne Asadaophine worth a damn knows that JVs is closer to the USD campus and far superior. Personally, I go for the Tex Mex wet burrito- A glorious buritto with ground beef, fries, sour cream, and spanish rice inside and topped with enchilada sauce.
As far as Clemson drunk food is concerned, it all begins and ends at the Dank Dogs cart. As good as Super Taco is, (and it is fucking great) it isn’t open late; Dank Dogs however is only open during drinking hours. Hotdog topped with chili, cheese and fucking Fritos. I challenge you to find any drunk who could pass that up. It’s impossible
UC Berkeley’s veggie food orgy is nothing new. Long ago, before the current generation of college kids was born, a group of friends in Atlanta would get together for thematic feasts. The potato feast was all things potato (Honestly, the things we imagined doing with taters has to be counted in the spuds-per-Idaho category.). No utensils were provided (or allowed). All in attendance were encouraged to use their appendages to feed themselves and others. The Polish vodka definitely contributed to the memorable success of that evening (and the next morning).
Wisconsin still has the best drunk food because they still have the most drunks, rated top binge drinking school by Maxim Mag. Deep fried cheese, brats and warm miller light… love it….
For all the time I was in Tally, I never experienced the joys of drunken Guthrie’s, but you can’t mention drunken foods without talking about Gumby’s and their Pokey Sticks. Heavenly x 1,000!
As a neighborhood resident, I am sorry to report that Mulligan’s has gone out of business. Hope you got one while they were hot.
Time Out! Restaurant in Chapel Hill, NC. Serves a bucket of bones which is basically the leftovers from ripping out chicken breasts to make chicken biscuits. Knew some guys who would regularly jump behind the counter and start serving people to speed things up. Once, when a fellow patron got rowdy, they threw him through the plate glass windows on the front of the place. Now that’s the kind of joint to go to when you’re drunk.
Time Out is also famous for the Chicken and Cheese. An oversize biscuit….cut up fried chicken (as per the previous poster…and then drizzled with cheddar cheese. Nice.
Umm….Monmouth University: Windmill hot dog and cheese fries. ‘Nuff said.
oh, an by the way…i was 100% sober when i took that picture of the ‘something different.’
Where are all the people from the Midwest? Most if not all big ten schools have the Burrito as big as your head…La Bamba’s, open from 11 am til the bars close…great burritos at 2 am…nothing beats em….some MVC towns (i.e. bloomington/normal) have 2 locations, one at each bar strip…
Although I love this list, I have to say that it is really in the eye of the beholder. Everyone is going to defend his or her school as having a top ten eat. Btu tahts the beauty of it, getting the dialogue about really fattening college food going. And when that happens ,everyone wins.
Therefore I humbly submit my own entrants:
The Cheeseburger sub at Ted’s grinders, University of Connecticut
A foot long grinder packed to the gills with about 5 cheeseburger patties. Sure its not as gimmicky as a donut cheeseburger (and honestly, who wants to eat a donut with a cheeseburger?) , but at 1 AM after rolling out of Ted’s bar upstairs, it is truly a lifesaver.
And as someone who can appreciate the size of the jumbo slice, I think you nailed it on the head as to why it doesn’t deserve to be on there:
“flimsy crust, oily cheese and cheap tomato sauce”
Which is why Yale University’s Pepe’s Pizza gets my vote. It’s technically right OFF campus by about a block, but as it’s the greatest pizza known to man, it makes the cut for me.
The place that sells the “Luther” also sells what I think is a much more superior meal:
The hamdog. A hot dog wrapped inside a beef patty, deep fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions, and served on a hoagie roll topped with a fried egg and french fries.
paula deen has a luther burger variant that includes a fried egg. i’m not joking. http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_127127,00.html
Bravo. If there was anyone who could out-fat the Luther Burger, it was Paula D.
you missed university of virginia’s gus burger (from white spot). granted, we can’t make any sort of basketball tournament, but we can throw a fried egg on a burger and make it delicious.
In the DC Metro Area, there are a few staples for me…
– Steak ‘N Eggs in Tenleytown… Nothing beats a heart-attack on a plate, and this place has plenty to offer in that regard. No dish specifically, just the restaurant in general.
– Disco Fries from Broadway Diner in Rockville. These things put just about anything to shame… I don’t know what it is about them. They’re gooey, salty, cheesy, and a huge mess of oh-so-goodness. Mmmmmm.
Loved the photos! Need to know the name of the pizza joint in DC for “bigger than your head” slice.
I love that luther burger – a real heart attack on a plate. I reckon this recipe’s better: http://recipe-super-search.net/recipes/67843/Bronco-Burger
El Rancho in Columbia, Missouri has an almost two foot burrito that the drunks, including myself, love to put down after penny pitchers or quarter drafts.
Filibertos is the best drunk college food around. Open 24 hours EVERY DAY. Each one also comes with the coolest late night guys.
Wisconsin has all the best late night food, props for a great blog post
Nice article. I’m getting pretty hungry looking at some of those disgusting pictures…
BTW, a group of friends and I recently launched our own college foodzine–http://www.aneasyspread.com . Feel free to stop on by or submit an article!
Ahh, the best food when you feel “like that” 🙂
Come to Canada. Specifically Nova Scotia.
We are the masters of the two following cocepts that WILL change your drunk eating world:
1. Donairs. A Halifax Donair is similar to a normal doner kebab, with a spiced ground beef loaf that is cooked on a spit and shaved off in simultaneously crunchy and chewy slices and served in a pita with tomatoes and onions. The secret, however, is in the sweet evaporated milk-based garlic sauce. Any true Haligonian donair will be so soaked in sauce that attempts to pick it up will be fruitless… but we try anyway. Variations on the Halifax donair: Donair pizza, with the sauce served on the side (cheese, donair meet, tomatoes, onions, no sauce.), donair egg rolls (an egg roll casing stuffed with donair meat), donair calzones/panzerottis, and donair poutine (french fries topped with cheese curds, donair meat and donair sauce).
Not a very good photo, but close to a Halifax Donair: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wS-GeC25iVk/RZsW5ClgeTI/AAAAAAAAAFg/IRh2HlGAPAc/s320/donair.jpg
Donair pizza: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2191/1519928005_22cf8c5636.jpg
2. Garlic fingers. Garlic fingers are a solely Atlantic Canadian dish. They are found in pizza shops, like the donair, and similar in shape, size and construction. The dough is normal pizza dough, infused with garlic, and then topped with melted butter, garlic and cheese. Occasionally, pizza shops will include bacon if you ask. It is cut into thin rectangular strips, ‘fingers,’ and is is often eaten as a side dish with pizza. We dip them in the same yummy sauce that we put on our donairs, and many people even like to dip their pizza in this sticky sweet sauce. Afsgmhaejthkaemtgbf. I want some now and I’m not even drunk.
Garlic fingers: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3241/2617365156_9482146f7f.jpg
Eat your heart out, America! (literally. Come to Nova Scotia right now and I will get drunk with you and we will eat until our hearts fall out.)
Anyone who has been to Western NY knows “garbage plate” like the back of their hand. It is the official drunk college meal d’jour.
This should spread to all states.
I can’t believe Miami of Ohio’s “Clinton” didn’t make this list… a megapacked grilled cheese with a piece of pizza logged between two pieces of bread. It may be the single-out source of midwestern college obesity.
Um, in Pittsburgh, I think you should’ve put a Primanti Bro’s sandwich.. It’s amazing drunk food.. beer sponges, to be precise.
Hey, I enjoy this site and I know this article is super old…
But “fratboys and sorostitutes”? Seriously, the males in that (sexist, degrading, laughable) system are so much worse than the ladies, can we hate on them instead?
– that former comment contains the slightest misquote…
but it’s negligible and the point is still valid.