Live Blogging Top Chef: Episode 2

10:03 EST

Paaaleeze. Starting the show with chefs in the weight room. I’m watching a cooking show, not Eric Nies The Grind. I already feel guilty enough LIVE BLOGGING this ridiculous show and now you have to make me feel guilty for munching on the chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin cookies 80 brought home from work.

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10:06 EST

Quick Fire: 5 ingredients (from the farmers market) to create any dish and you can’t count garlic. Shit.

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10:09 EST

So the dude that is going to judge the Quick Fire was a guest for this bad ass show that 80 and I watch on the MOJO channel, After Hours with Daniel Boulud. We’ll watch anything if it’s in HD. Well, especially 80 – he watches racing cars, or whatever that “sport” is.

The Kiwi wins. Although it was so apparent. After the guest judge tasted his food he slipped in a “Nice sideburns.” Clearly, sideburns unite the world.

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10:18 EST

Elim challenge – finally some group exercise. This is where the drama starts. Oh, Howie. I miss you.

Remember I thought Spike might be cute, well, he’s not. But I do love me some Nikki.

So the actual challenge. I like it. Cocktail party at the zoo. Each team is named after a zoo animal and they have to base their dishes after the animal’s diet.

Team Gorilla is going with meat even though the gorilla is a veggie, like our girlfriend Alex. (See this bacon as a hand basket comment section) Not sure how the judges are going to feel about that.

{More live blogging post jump}

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10:28 EST

Note from 80: Not as corporate this season.

Potential fight: At checkout, Nikki decided to get rid of some food in lieu of flowers/table decorations.

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10:33 EST

Note from 80: This is Chicago – the bears have to win. Da Bears.

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10: 38 EST

I totally love tartar. I actually just had some, well, stole some from 80’s dad’s plate. Yum. And bison tartar – I’m in!

Team Gorilla’s banana snackie thing sounded great. I love bananas.

Squid and tapioca – I don’t have words. But the judges liked. Hmm.

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10:42 EST

OMG – the signature mid-episode Bravo Quiz

Do you think of Judge Tom as more of a

A. Gorilla

B. Bear

C. Penguin.

I shit you not.

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10:47 EST

JUDGES TABLE (no apostrophe)

The Tops: Lions and Penguins

And Andrew from the Penguins wins it. That squid and tapioca pulled through. Maybe I shouldn’t be so judgmental. I really like Andrew. He’s pretty funny and raw.

The Bottoms: Gorillas and Bears

Dale – winner of the throwing the teammate under the bus award! Nikki should not wear light/tinting/changing glasses ever, esp. not judges table. Dad Gansie rocked them like 10 years ago.

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10:53 EST

My guess – Valerie and her olive(?) rutabaga (?) bilinis are so done. Just my guess. Well, and 80’s.

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10:57 EST

*Breaking News*

Tom’s most like a bear! (See above photo for exact percentages)

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10:58 EST

Aw, poor baby Val. She was sweet. But clearly who doesn’t know that you can’t reheat bilinis! Duh!

80’s predictions:

– Kiwi will do very well, will be there at the end. Actually, 80’s made it official. He thinks Kiwi will be the winner.

– Eric (tattoo neck) will be out soon. “They’re not developing his character.”

– Richard (faux hawk #27) is not that great. His gastro-chem-physics shit really isn’t that cool.
OOOVER – RAAATED