It’s a Christmas Miracle!


Holy crap.

So my older brother completely slacked on getting me a Christmas present this year. I mean, it’s almost Easter for Christ’s sake. It’s OK, I forgave him since he has one of those miniature people things to take care of. Anyways, he kept saying he was just about to send my present in the mail. Expecting a CD or book or something, I had pretty much forgotten about it.

Needless to say I was surprised when the UPS guy rang the doorbell this morning, carrying a three foot long, oddly-shaped box postmarked Louisiana and leaving a significant trail of soil behind it.

It’s a Miracle Fruit plant! Wow, I had no idea you could even purchase an entire plant – no way am I ponying up $15 a berry to those shady fruit party people – I’m growing my own, suckas!

So here’s the thing…I have no freaking idea how to make a plant survive, much less convince it to grow berries. I’ve never been responsible for one before.

I am so excited to make this thing flower, and you all are officially invited to the ES miracle party, but, I am equally nervous that I am going to make it die. I know I’m supposed to put water in the soil or something like that, but I’m in serious need of some advice.

Here’s what the seller, Stokes Tropical, has to say:

Prefers 30-50% shade. Blooms from May-November and has fruit form June-December in Zone 9. In Zone 10 and higher plant is ever bearing. Slow growing (5-year old plant, only 3’ tall), make it ideal for container culture; a 10 year old plant is only 4’-5’. Very heavy fruit producer; 6’ plant produces as many as 300 berries at one time.

Aaaaaaaah! What the hell does any of that mean? How do I give something 30 to 50% shade? Where in the world is Zone 9? Where are my 300 delicious berries? HELP!

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  • gansie February 8, 2008  

    um, this doesn’t really make sense to me, but this is a start.

  • belmontmedina February 8, 2008  

    It means the plant likes it to be pretty warm, and needs a fair amount of sun. I’d keep it in the kitchen or bathroom, someplace warm and away from drafts. As soon as it heats up, you could probably stick it outside.

  • MonkeyBoy February 9, 2008  

    When you do put it outside, just don’t put it where it’s in direct sun all day long. Find a spot where it will be shaded by a tree or building for half the day.
    After a bit, think about a slightly larger pot. If it’s slow growing then it isn’t critical yet but it will be good later to make sure the roots have enough room.

  • Corey February 9, 2008  

    If you plan on keeping it in a pot would suggest re-potting it in one that’s about double the size it’s in now (in the pictures). I’m not sure what types of soil your tree likes, but you should be able to find the appropriate potting soil at a garden center like OSH or Home Depot. Also, container plants need more nutrients than those planted in the ground (they get washed out in the pots), so do a quick search and see if there are any suggested fertilizers for your plant (they vary in the amount of nitrogen, phosphate, and potash). Good luck and keep us updated!

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