Top Chef Recap: Episode 7 – Nobody Puts Baby in the Kitchen

First up, some bonus reading. New York Magazine has a piece on why Bravo reality contestants don’t end up making it big. Actually, I think Top Chef has followed typical post-reality show rules – only the first winner gets to become a superstar – and Harold, who recently opened a much-buzzed-about place in NYC, is our Kelly Clarkson. What NY Mag doesn’t seem to get is that we expect the people who don’t win reality shows to lose in real life, because that’s half the point of reality shows, they’re losers. The only mystery they clear up is why Project Runway’s first winner, Jay, can’t make it work, which seems pretty obvious when they reveal that he turned down the feakin’ prize money! Mystery solved.

This episode was crazy, ya’ll! An extra-long recap after the jump.

This week’s shameless corporate tie-in quickfire challenge had the CHEFtestants trying to kick up Cold Stone Creamery’s product a few notches. Hung went too crazy and made a white chocolate-cauliflower foam, which actually sounds like it could work, but didn’t. The other fuck-up was from Casey, who used Sriracha sauce, which the chefs all talked about as if it is manna from heaven, so I looked it up and it turns out to just be that vaguely tasty red stuff they have at Chinese and Thai joints. Regardless, it doesn’t work in ice cream, in case you were planning to try that. Dale wins the quickfire with his peach cobbler, nailing the can’t miss formula of adding Grand Marnier.

The hook of the elimination challenge was that the judges told the CHEFtestants they were allowed a night out on the town, but when they arrived at the nightclub, Padma was waiting for them gleefully with a surprise challenge. The women were all super-pissed because they were forced to cook in clothes that showed their cleavage. (Fast-forward to the best moment of the episode: Sara N. explains that she didn’t feel comfortable cooking in sexy clothes, and Padma gives her a look of utter incomprehension.)

The challenge was at Nikki Beach nightclub, which apparently is cooler than the douchebag version they have in Midtown, and the chefs had to cook for wasted people coming out of the club. One team goes with high-end snacks like an oyster bar and the other makes sliders and milkshakes. Oddly, no one opts for Jumbo Slice. Whatever, none of the details matter, because obviously the team with Howie loses.

It’s clear they are either going to kick off Howie, who pissed everyone off again, and made Cuban sandwiches that were “a big doughy mess,” or Sara N., who only seasoned her burgers with Italian Seasoning – cheater! So was that dried spices Sara, or fresh form an Italian Seasoning tree??

Howie calls Sara a baby, which she retorts to by breaking out in tears. The judges say “you have two very different personalities. For this competition, one is better suited.” Which is code for, we’re gonna keep the asshole. Sorry, Sara.

Photo: Men.Style.com