Top Chef Masters: Episode 5

Left to Right: Michael Chiarello, Nils Noren, Lachlan Patterson, Rick Moonen

Dear Top Chef Masters Contestants,

First of all, congratulations on your recognition. After years of toiling in ungodly circumstances, shedding blood and tears, and doing so before there was any prospect of becoming a celebrity chef, you’re finally getting some well deserved attention in the national spotlight. What’s more, you’re donating your time to helping out a charity that you care about and I’m sure those organizations sing your praises for your hard work. If I may make one humble suggestion though. And this is a minor thing I’ve come to notice with the TCM cast, could you guys please.. for the love of God.. PLATE YOUR MOTHER F$%#ING FOOD before time runs out?! Is it that hard?! Do you see that clock with the numbers on it? When there is only the number 00:15 shortly followed by the the number 00:14 then followed by 00:13.. you see where I’m going with this? Just take what you have and put it on the damn plate.

Is it because you hate your charity or charities in general? I mean don’t get me wrong, I hate babies with cancer as much as the next guy, but I always own up to it. Sometimes it’s the first thing I tell people about myself when being introduced. You’d be surprised, there’s dozens of us out there. Dozens! Go ahead, say it chef.. you can do it. Say, “I hate cancer babies.” How much do you hate cancer babies chef? Say, “Almost as much as I hate Kelly Choi and her dead goat fetish.” Wow chef, that’s a lot of hate. Doesn’t that feel good to get that off your chest? I know I feel better. Glad we had this little talk. Let’s discuss this week’s TCM episode shall we?

More cancer baby hate after the jump..

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