Editor’s Note: With the football post-season kicking into high gear, contributor broadandpattison returns for a retrospective on another year as an Eagles fan…and the tailgating grub that got him through it.

Given that my beloved Eagles seem to have a much different definition of “football” than I do, this year I decided to use my time at Eagles games more wisely. That is, instead of “going to the football game,” I go to the tailgate. It occurred to me at my last tailgate, before the Pats spanked the Birds, that all of the wonderful food I was eating was actually the exact OPPOSITE of the Eagles players I’ve been watching all year. Let’s break it down:

Dish: Bacon, Egg and Cheese……and a Keystone Light
Exact Opposite: Desean Jackson

The Sunday morning breakfast sandwich is about the most reliable food order of all time. It’s Sunday morning, you’re a little hungover, you need grease and substance at the same time….you get a breakfast sandwich. Works every time. It used to be that we could count on Desean for a long touchdown bomb and a totally over-the-top TD dance every game, just like you could count on the breakfast sandwich hitting the spot every Sunday morning. Now? I’m not sure Desean knows when he is playing football.

Dish: Pulled Pork on Brioche
Exact Opposite: Casey Matthews

The pulled pork at the tailgate was juicy, seasoned and delicious. No matter how much you have, you can ALWAYS have one more bite. Casey Matthews? You never want one more play out of him. EVER. No more!!!!! Please stop!!!! (Those emotions never, ever are associated with pulled pork. Ever.)

Dish: Chicken Cutlet, Broccoli Rabe, Sharp Provolone on an Amoroso Roll
Exact Opposite: Juan Castillo and Defensive Coordinator

There hasn’t been a marriage as sturdy, stable and perfect as the chicken cutlet-broccoli rabe-sharp provolone-amoroso since peanut butter and jelly. I mean, these items are PERFECT for each other. They were meant for each other. Juan Castillo and the word “defense” were meant for each other about as much as the Montagues and Capulets. It doesn’t work!!!! How come everyone knew it wouldn’t work but Andy Reid!?!!?!?

Dish: Fried Fish in a Hot Dog Bun with Russian Dressing
Exact Opposite: Nnamdi Asomghnotverygood

That’s right – fried motherfucking fish in a motherfucking hot dog bun with motherfucking Russian dressing. Don’t see it working in a football tailgate, do you? Neither did I. But guess what? It motherfucking works!!!! Delicious. I would have never thought. You know what I was sure of? Certain of, in fact. Nnamdi being a GREAT player! Well, he isn’t.

Finally, I wish I had eaten something as good as Andy Reid is bad. But I’m not sure man has created a dish quite that delectable just yet.

‘Til next year, football eaters.

Well the holidays are over and the east coast is in the process of clearing out from the first significant snowstorm of the year. Because of this snowmageddon/snowpocalypse, or whatever else weatherman say to get us to stay tuned in, my beloved Eagles moved their game from Sunday to Tuesday night.

It is a move that did not go over well. Even Gov. Ed Rendell came out and called America a nation of wusses. To be fair this is the same man who years ago admitted that when he was a Philadelphia-based district attorney he offered cash to anyone who could reach the field with a snowball. Despite the snow being cleared, the Iggles must not have been told that they were supposed to play Tuesday night because they barely showed up. Their lackluster effort ensured that the high point of the night would be the pierogi we had thawed out for dinner.

It is a shame that not everyone is familiar with the pierogi, or Polish dumpling. I happened to  grow up in an area with a mix of some pretty strong ethnic communities — pierogi, borscht, halupki and kaszanka were all part of our diet. At Christmas, one friend’s family would spend an entire day making hundreds of different pierogies with traditional fillings such as potato and cheese, mushroom, minced pork, sauerkraut, blueberries etc…

This year, a few of us decided to make some ourselves to have for the holidays and freeze for the coming months. Thankfully they turned out well, so Tuesday I broke them out for an easy dinner to have while watching the game.

The Dough

The dough for pierogi is surprising simple and easy to work with, though it does take a little elbow grease. We used the 321 method our friend Katie had been taught. 3 cups of flour, 2 eggs and 1 cup of sour cream. This somehow ends up being fairly sticky and still dry which is an odd combination but with a little kneading and 20 minutes in the fridge, you are ready to roll. We quickly found out the key is to roll the dough to a uniform thickness of about 1/16 of an inch. Any more or less and the final product was either too doughy or didn’t hold the fillings well enough. With the rolled-out dough, you’ll cut circles about the size of a cocktail shaker, which was our weapon of choice that day.

The Fillings

We decided to start with 5 lbs of potatoes and ended up making 3 different fillings but had the same base for each: a mix of potato, the potato water, milk and unsalted butter. Essentially you’re going to go through the same process you would with making mashed potatoes except for one small difference. You still boil and drain the potatoes, warm the water, milk, butter and go ahead mashing but you will want to add less liquid than you do with mashed potatoes so that you have a slightly denser end result. Add some salt and pepper to taste near the end and you’re set.

We divided the filling base into 3 equal parts and added:

1) 1 1/2 cups of fresh grated Cotswald cheese (a cheddar with spring onions and chives)

2) 1 1/2 cups caramelized onions and chopped bacon

3)1 1/2 cups pickled jalapenos and mild cheddar

We went with a little less than a tablespoon of filling per pierogi and folded the dough over the filling in half circles before pressing the edges with a fork. In addition to the many pierogi we inhaled that night, we also let some chill on a cookie sheet before freezing so that they would not stick to each other.

Tuesday night, a package of frozen bacon and onion pierogies were what accompanied the Eagles loss. To prep, I boiled them for 3-4 minutes and then switched them over to a nonstick pan on medium heat with some butter and a little minced garlic until they got nice and crispy.

You can have your drink of choice but we had a few shots of Berechovka, an herbal bitters that a Czech friend introduced us to a few years ago. Anise, cinnamon and other herbs are used in the liqueur and it paired well with the crispy pierogi and the tangy taste of disappointment.

(Photo: LivingPhillySports)

I’ve definitely ranted about all of those “Day of Days,” as I so eloquently called the phenomenon. A day for soft serve ice cream, a day for mustard, a day for bulk foods…

Anyway, I think I may have found the best “day of” yet: Talk Like a Pirate Day. Which of course, is today, September 19th.

I don’t know what may pop into your head when you hear “pirate” – is it Peter Pan, Pittsburgh baseball, puffed rice? Well for me, it’s a quote from the best movie of all time: PCU.

Rand: I scheme and plan for MONTHS and it gets screwed up because YOU can’t control the students! NEVER send a woman to do a man’s job!

President Garcia-Thompson: You cocky, pointy-nosed little Reaganite! If you hadn’t provoked them, we wouldn’t BE in this mess!

Rand: Whoa! Reality check here! Earth to TALL BITCH! What is your fault? THIS IS!

[turns on Droz]

Rand: Hey, poor boy! Go and have all your parties with all your new friends! I can see it now, Andrews. You and all the knee-jerk, bleeding-heart liberals, sipping tea and playing patty-cake. And those useless hippie pot-heads, those commie-pinko leftists. The bunny huggers, the pillow biters…

Droz: Whoa! Whoa! Which ones are the pillow biters again?

Rand: The BUTT-PIRATES! And those beastly man-haters, tell those chicks to shave their pits then call me! And those goddamn whiny crybaby minorities, you can keep them all!

[Rand realizes that Droz had a microphone close by and that the sign lady has been signing everything he said]

Droz: [to the students] Rand McPherson, everybody. And don’t forget the 9:30 show is completely different than the 7:30 show. Enjoy the veal!

[the students then go after Rand]

To celebrate this pirate madness, Pirate’s Booty is giving away a chest of goodies to one of our readers.

We’ll pick a commenter by random, but just leave a comment in this post about anything, hopefully about pirates, but Eagles football will work too. Oh, or about food.

Here are some pirate-speak definitions to inspire your comments.

Comments are due midnight EST, Monday, September 20th.

Scallywag – Mild insult similar to rapscallion or rouge.

Scurvy Dog – The pirate talking directly to you with mild insult.

Shiver me timbers! – Comparable to “Holy crap!”

Son of a biscuit eater – Insult directed towards someone you don’t like.

Three sheets to the wind – Someone who is very drunk.

And of course

Pirate’s Booty! –  Pirate’s treasure and also a favorite snack that’s’ good anytime!  Pirate’s Booty is a deliciously baked rice and corn puff that’s baked, all-natural trans-fat and gluten-free.

It was a sad day at the 80P and Gansie apartment on Saturday. Our lives were devoid of luck  and wins, but thankfully, not of tequila shots and delicious dip.

First, Duke basketball lost a tight one to Georgia Tech. Then we had our friends Raj and Laura over for the Bengals game. The Cincinnati locals are huge fans and even brought over a special straight-from-Cinncy snack. The orange and black lost, though. And then. And then. The Eagles.

We should have left the apartment. Altered the mojo. But no, we kept in our same seats (although Raj did bring some outfit changes, switching gear depending on the flow) and watched the third losing game of the day.

However, I did learn the secret assemblage to a Midwestern treat. Which I’m sure tastes much better over not-missed field goal attempts. Sorry, Raj and Laura!

But as my friends’ Facebook messages say: 5 weeks until pitchers and catchers.

Skyline Chili Dip

In a large oven-proof dish, spread an 8oz package of cream cheese to cover the bottom. Sprinkle a scant layer of chopped raw onion over the cream cheese. Top with warmed Skyline Chili (beware of music with this link).

The chili is complete right out of the can: a flavorful mixture of beef, cinnamon, chocolate and um “spices.”  (Buy it here.) Cover the chili layer with shredded cheddar cheese and bake at 350 until hot and the cheese has melted. A squirt of a Louisiana hot sauce is recommended. Scoop up with “scoop” tortilla chips.