A Question You Don't Want Answered

Now that we’re approaching the ‘holiday season’ (I consider it to start at Halloween), recreational drinking usually begins to rise. Being that I am a person who is passionate about alcohol, I always look forward to this time of year. But it’s because I view alcohol as a passion that I try to govern its consumption by not taking it for granted. I recently came off of a week of alcohol abstention, which is something that I do on a semi-regular basis in order to keep my liver healthy, as well as to make sure that drinking remains a pleasurable indulgence and not a dependence. The years of looking forward to the weekend party ‘buzz’ are behind me and I now consume alcohol simply for its taste, as well as its ability to enhance and compliment the flavors in food. I’ve learned the hard way about lapses in judgment due to not keeping my consumption in check, and I’m not going there again.

So, time for an ES PSA. Here’s a trick question for you: Do you know what your LD50 is?

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Wine Enemas…They’ll Get You in the End

Oh those crazy college kids! What will they do next? Being that I’m a fan of most things alcohol related, I recently came across an article about a college student that was partaking in a little nontraditional wine tasting. That is, he decided that chugging it would take too much time to create a buzz, so he somehow reasoned that it would be better to go in through the out door. This way of introducing alcohol into the bloodstream is faster and consequently more dangerous than sipping it the old fashioned way. He was in fact, brought into the hospital with a 0.40 blood alcohol limit, which is lethal in most cases.

There have been times in the past where I’ve wanted to get a little ‘loose,’ and I’ve partaken in the time-honored method of consuming shots of alcohol in various formats: Jell-o shots, body shots, flaming shots…but never have I thought of applying this technique through my rectum. Call me old fashioned, but I rather like the taste of most liquors, so it seems that bypassing the tongue while introducing it into the bloodstream is cheating me out of a great deal of pleasure.

I’m hoping that this is an isolated incident and that the trend doesn’t catch on, particularly with wine. Wine tastings could become very messy, and the rating categories would change dramatically. ‘Back taste’ would take on a whole other meaning and the serving temperature would have to be a major consideration. Some champagnes and sparkling wine would take your breath away upon introduction and certainly wouldn’t appeal to the ticklish.

I know I’m showing my age here, but shot-gunning a beer or pouring it through a funnel seemed a pretty quick way of creating a buzz when I was in college. Maybe I’m lame but getting drunk by pouring junk-in-your-trunk seems a bit extreme. Food and drink should be pleasurable, relaxed experiences shared amongst family and friends. I hate to hurry through a great steak or rush a lightly iced scotch, so the appeal of getting super blitzed in less time makes as much sense as wanting to get full after one bite.

A word of caution to all my back-door buzz seekers; the main technique used to create a great wine is the same one used to create a great time, and that is control.

Lose it, and it could bite you in the ass.

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Put It In a Jar: White Sangria

I don’t know about the rest of you, but all weekend long I have been reaching, itching, longing for some crisp fall weather. I toiled for a while about what the hell to put in a jar this week. Fruit…again? I wanted comfort food. Something sweet, with chocolate…maybe some peanut butter and malt! Ok. OK. I told myself to get a grip. It’s August. I’ll have months and months of savory food up ahead. So, what did I decide to do instead…?

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Attack of the Oreo…Cocktails!

I’ve never been one of those people who can’t say no.  I have no problem saying it.

 

{In school}

Can you copy my test? I think not.

Lunch money?  Ain’t got none (clearly our school system is failing).

 

{As an adult}

Need help moving?  I’m busy that day.

Oh, I also can’t help you paint your house.  I got a thing.

Yeah, I can’t babysit your kid ’cause I don’t wanna.

Your birthday is coming up?  I’m no good at cakes.

Also, I have given to a charity already this year, so not today, seedy people who approach me at the gas station.

 

Yeah, there’s a lot more stuff to say no to as an adult. But, when your co-worker of 5-plus years asks you to make some of your “very delicious Oreo truffles, pleeeaaasse” for her son’s wedding on a budget…sometimes you gotta suck it up and say yes.

Months go by and I’m dreading it and dreading it. Ugh.  Today is the day. OK, so I’m gearing up to make a million truffles, but clearly I need to make a stop at the liquor store to get through this madness.  I texted my brother updating him on my situation.  Then he said the best thing ever.

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Cocktail O’Clock: Mango Coconut Mojito

I am not, nor have I ever been, a bartender.  I love mixed drinks, though.  And I’m super cheap, so I would much rather make drinks at home than pay upwards of $8 a glass on a super-sugary and not-alcoholic-enough drink.

Now, I promised myself a while back that I would not buy any more coconut rum because it’s too easy to consume in mass quantities and regret it later.  Buuuttt…I guess I break promises.

So, here’s a tropical drink to rock your socks.

Coconut Mango Mojito

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ES Taste Test: Do Foodies Know Whiskies?

As y’all know, us ES-ers are always happy to talk your ear off about where our sushi is sourced and the difference between green garlic and garlic scapes. Fine, we’re food snobs. But for some reason, we’ve never been great at the whole alcohol snob thing. We just generally prefer our whiskey in car bomb form. So when the fine folks at Jameson asked ES to taste test their four different varieties of high-end whiskeys, we saw it as a chance to answer the question: can low-end foodies like us taste the difference between a good whiskey and a great one?

So we assembled a not-very-esteemed panel of amateurs and blind taste tested Jameson’s four selections of increasingly expensive whiskey (sorry, no Crystal Jameson), seeing if we could tell which ones were more expensive, and whether we actually liked the more expensive ones better. Here’s what Jameson says, and what we say:

 

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The Drunken Mousse

photo-41

There are some traditions that are mandatory. That everyone in the world follows. Or at least those believing similarly. For Jews, many traditions revolve around food.  Matzah ball soup for holidays. Binge eating (and then no eating and then binge eating again) on Yom Kippur. Bagels and smoked fish for funerals. But some traditions are just for the family.

I have no idea why my oma always made chocolate mousse for the High Holidays. I only knew how much I loved it. The rich chocolate. The boozy aftertaste. The dollop of whip cream I just watched her whisk into airy submission prior to eating.

I haven’t had this treat for five years now. I’ve eaten other mousses, but they weren’t as dense. They weren’t as intensely flavored. And while I’m still waiting for my uncle to send me her recipe, I’ve figured out my own. And it tastes just like hers. And it fucking rocks.

Eat this the night before you starve all day during Yom Kippur. You’ll be satisfied til you can eat again.

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