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Attack of the Meme: How I Loved Food Before Meeting Your Mother

Posted by on May 11 2011 in Lists, TV

With the season finale next week (of which I’ve watched only 4 episodes this season because I’m trying to catch up on 5 previous seasons), this is the perfect time to reflect on the absolute hystericalness that is How I Met Your Mother. Yea. I said hysterical. Well, I said a fake word. But still. This show is so much better than Friends. And yea, I said that too.

Top 10 Food Lessons From How I Met Your Mother

10. Don’t Go To Prison

(Photo: Hell Yeah How I Met Your Mother)

9. Answer the Door with a Cheese Plate

(Photo: Hell Yeah How I Met Your Mother)

8. Drink Peppermint Schnapps

(Photo: Hell Yeah How I Met Your Mother)

7. RIP McRib

(Photo: Hell Yeah How I Met Your Mother)

6. Cheese Curls: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac

(Photo: Hell Yeah How I Met Your Mother)

Next: Top 5 Food Lessons in How I Met Your Mother

ES Taste Test: Do Foodies Know Whiskies?

Posted by on May 10 2011 in Drinks

As y’all know, us ES-ers are always happy to talk your ear off about where our sushi is sourced and the difference between green garlic and garlic scapes. Fine, we’re food snobs. But for some reason, we’ve never been great at the whole alcohol snob thing. We just generally prefer our whiskey in car bomb form. So when the fine folks at Jameson asked ES to taste test their four different varieties of high-end whiskeys, we saw it as a chance to answer the question: can low-end foodies like us taste the difference between a good whiskey and a great one?

So we assembled a not-very-esteemed panel of amateurs and blind taste tested Jameson’s four selections of increasingly expensive whiskey (sorry, no Crystal Jameson), seeing if we could tell which ones were more expensive, and whether we actually liked the more expensive ones better. Here’s what Jameson says, and what we say:


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Sick of Asparagus Already?

Posted by on May 10 2011 in Recipe, Veggie

Not everyone is a slave to the season. My dad, for example, buys his vegetables, fruits, herbs and flowers from Produce Junction. They source from all over the world and you can buy pretty much anything all year round, and for super cheap.  Living in the Garden State, he also grows plenty of his own produce. But before things pop up, it’s Produce Junction time.

We finished the asparagus I brought home for Mother’s Day dinner and for Monday’s dinner were left with Produce Junction goods and other items I found in my dad’s surprisingly well-stocked, but not seasonal pantry and fridge. So for those tired of hearing about farmers’ markets and asparagus, here you go.

Roasted Broccoli with Chickpea and Wheat Berry Salad

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A Fruit Unlike Any Other: Avocado Milkshake

Posted by on May 9 2011 in Desserts, Drinks, Featured, Recipe, Veggie

The longer you think about the avocado, the stranger it becomes.  What is it, exactly, and how did we become so accustomed to its buttery moon-face mashed up into everything from dip to ice cream?  The Oxford Companion to Food begins its definition of avocado as “Persea americana, a fruit unlike any other.”  Almost as if the dictionary writer could find no better words of description.

Visually, it’s a puzzle:  the exterior as lumpy and black as a dinosaur egg, with an inner chamber of pale green grading towards yellow.  Its pit is like polished wood, or as Fernandez de Oviedo described in 1526, “like a peeled chestnut,” resting in a hollow more perfect than any spoon could scoop out.

Before we go any further, let me discuss the real reason why I so recently became interested in avocados.  Do you ever find yourself thinking about words?  “Avocado” is a rather beautiful word — the regularly spaced consonants and internal assonance give it a vague symmetry — and I began wondering where the name comes from.  The Jamaicans call it alligator pear, English sailors called it “midshipman’s butter,” but in which language is such a pleasant name found indigenously?  As it turns, out, avocado is a derivative of ahuacatl, which happens to be the Aztec word for testicle.  The avocado grows in pairs, dangling from the tree so suggestively that even the Aztecs noticed, pausing long enough from their daily blood sacrifice to chuckle to themselves and bestow the avocado with its legacy.   With that in mind, the Oxford’s definition “a fruit unlike any other” develops an entirely new meaning.

In the seventeenth century, W. Hughes, physician to King Charles II of England wrote home from Jamaica about the avocado, “It nourisheth and strengtheneth the body, corroborating the spirits and procuring lust exceedingly.”  In the puritan colonies, to eat an avocado in public was to be labeled as a slut.  Naturally, when American farmers in the early 1900s were looking to boost their avocado sales, they decided upon an ad campaign specifically denying its aphrodisiac qualities.

These days, the avocado is hardly provocative.  In my mind it conjures up Mad Men era housewives and jello molds: tidy cold slices fanned atop iceberg lettuce like a slimy flower.  I wanted to liberate the avocado, find a recipe to showcase the fruit in all its delicate, voluptuous glory.  Milkshakes seemed like the way to go.


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Welcome Spring’s Simplicity

Posted by on May 9 2011 in Cheese, Eggs, Recipe, Veggie

The cooking is easy this time of year. Spring offers much less variety than summer, which almost eliminates tough decision making at the farmers’ market. For me, I had to decide between buying three or four bundles of asparagus. In the summer it’ll be the a much more difficult choice of Japanese eggplants or pattypan squashes. I opted for three bundles and by Sunday night, two have been used.

I’ll know better next week.

Asparagus and Goat Cheese Open Omelet
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Feed Us Back: Comments of the Week

Posted by on May 6 2011 in Breakfast, Desserts

- Some of you mac ‘n’ traditionalists are having none of our mac ‘n’ cheese gone wild, but sam henderson is up for mac ‘n’ anything:

For me, there are few things in life as comforting as mac and cheese. I never met a mac and cheese I didn’t like. Had never considered an omelet, but I’d try just about anything once.

- LeftLeanWing brings up a good point:

No Mac-N-Ches­se Ice Cream….. ?

Get to work on that one, people!

- bunbun adds a new one to our list of America’s best drunk college food:

How could OSU’S hound dogs breakfast pizza not be on there?

Cmon a a pizza topped with sausage gravy, scrambled eggs, ham, bacon, sausage, cheddar cheese, onions, tomatoes, crispy hashbrowns and hot sauce. With a garlic butter basted crust….?

Um, yes. Can anyone provide photographic evidence of this abominable breakfast pizza?

- Finally, every time we feature a Friday Fuck Up we inevitably have a few of you telling us to keep our dirty mouths shut, so we decided to put it to a vote over on facebook, asking should Endless Simmer continue to use the F word? So there’s your chance to change the world — go vote now. And if you haven’t yet, please be sure to like ES on FB.

(Amazing photo of the week: weelakeo)

Top Chef Masters Exit Interview: Episode 5

Posted by on May 6 2011 in TV

Still watching? Good, so are we. For a show that prides itself on enlisting the best chefs in the country it’s difficult to understand why we don’t get to see their talents exploited. Instead they are challenged with a griddle, a deep fat fryer and a drive-thru window. This week the chefs had to prepare a meal in the kitchen of some fast food joint I’ve never heard of, Farmer Boys.

Keep reading to hear from the chef who packed up their knives.


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