I need another tattoo like I need a hole in the head. However, I have been racking my brain and searching for a kick-ass food tattoo. I have thought about a play on the phrase “in the weeds”; it is still evolving. I like peanut butter and jelly, but do I really want a permanent sandwich on my back side? I could probably cover both of my arms and legs with every food that I enjoy, but I’m not sure I want to be completely covered in ink. This is difficult. So I’ve compiled a top 10 list from the flickr group Food Tattoos. Enjoy. Maybe you’ll get some ideas for your next tat. If you have any ideas to share or already have a USDA seal on your butt, please tell us about it, dear inked-ESer.
Get your ass to an Indian grocery store. I can’t even pretend to start this post with a cute little intro. You just need to find one, budget an hour plus of browsing time, and thank me later. The store will amaze you with its aisles of spices and spice blends, varieties of dal and boxes and boxes of in-minutes dinners. I’ve never purchased a Lean Cuisine but for some reason I thought it was perfectly acceptable to buy boil-in-a-bag, ready-in-2-minute versions of palak paner (spinach and cheese), chana masala (chickpeas in tomato sauce), dal makhani (creamy black dal) and paner makhani (cheese in a cashew cream sauce). I haven’t tried them yet, as I’m saving them for a night I can’t bare to cook.
In the meantime, another purchase inspired me to actually cook. And my about-to-expire Greek yogurt became the perfect addition to my almost-Indian dinner.
And don’t worry, I’ll try to stop my love-of-the-dash current obsession for the recipe portion of this post.
I’m right there with you. You open the bag of chips. You peek inside. There’s 13 fucking chips in there. That’s it. Why so little chips? Why such an inflated bag?
I don’t know all of the answers, but I do know something that might infuriate you even more.
Yesterday I toured the Herr’s Snack Factory. If you live outside the Mid-Atlantic, you may not be familiar with the greatest brand of potato chips. You may actually enjoy Lays, you poor soul. (Or you’re on team Utz, another brand soaring from Maine to North Carolina, and then you probably lack a chromosome for identifying superior potato chips.)
Anyway, I learned a few things from the factory tour. On a personal level, my boyfriend and I realized we were the only potato chip lovers that weren’t either parents or 5 year olds.
On potato chip level, I learned:
- 4 pounds of potatoes yield 1 pound of potato chips.
- 1 inch of a potato yields 17 potato chips.
- It takes 6-7 minutes for a whole potato to turn into a chip. continue reading…
Punching breakfast square in the face.
- We thought Sweet Fiend had made the ultimate All-American recipe when she dreamed up chocolate and beer filled donuts, but reader Jim takes it to an even higher level:
I making these today with this beer.
It’s a chocolate Ale from Kansas City. If you can find it I highly recommend it.
Ahhh. Chocolate and chocolate beer filled donuts. Bravo.
- TheGourmetCoffeeGuy isn’t running out to buy a bananza brand automatic banana peeler:
Look how beautiful and pink that drink is. It’s just gorgeous. I wanted this calcium-filled liquid to taste as good as it looked. But I think I took it one dairy too far.
Like most weekday breakfasts, this one started simply: a blender, yogurt and frozen strawberries. But I barely had any yogurt left so I reopened the fridge. What else could I throw in this? I spied milk. Of course, milk lends itself perfectly to smoothies. Problem is, well, there are two problems. One, I hate milk and don’t like a lot of it in anything I consume. And two, there wasn’t that much milk left and I wanted to save it for my boyfriend’s cereal. I added a splash, but my smoothie begged for more ingredients. So there it was. The final dairy left in my fridge that I thought was somewhat suitable for drinking: cottage cheese.
Clearly, I was wrong. Cottage cheese consumed the entire smoothie, even covering that signature yogurt tang. I gagged to swallow the pink liquid down my throat.
So let this be a warning: keep your smoothies to a two dairy minimum.
Top Chef All-Stars is really getting down to the nitty-gritty, with just seven chef-testants left this week. But one of them ended the episode about as happy as cookie monster at a make-your-own-salad party. We find out what went wrong, after the jump.