Endless Simmer - A Food Blog

No, that’s not the skeeziest craigslist roommate ad of all time, it’s merely the submission guidelines for Playboy’s newest themed pictorial “Girls of the Olive Garden.”

And this isn’t a joke, apparently the men’s mag has run out of college conferences to profile and has turned to everyone’s favorite purveyor of free breadsticks to find America’s next top nude model.

The inspiration for the contest is a woman named Kendra Wilkinson, whose illustrious life accomplishments include her roles as one of Hugh Hefner’s pretend girlfriends; and as runner-up to Shar Jackson on MTV’s Celebrity Rap Superstar. Shar Jackson, for the record, is Britney Spears’ ex-husband’s baby mama (and she’s a rap superstar, but you knew that).

And, Kendra’s a blogger! You see, Kendra’s mom is a former Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader and a proud resident of Cherry Hill, New Jersey, which qualifies Kendra to blog about the Eagles.

With the Hef pushing 83, Kendra is apparently pulling the shots over at Playboy, and because she loves the Olive Garden more than life itself, she’s decided to feature their waitresses in a pictorial that is totally not endorsed by the restaurant chain (although NY Post reports they won’t fire their employees if they pose).

After the jump, Kendra explains what it takes to make it as a girl of the O.G.

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In this installment from the gansie files, you will learn more than you care to know about cherry blossom themed drinks in DC; get the scoop on the grub at the new Nationals Park; discover an appetizer that isn’t fried or breaded; and find out the green-ness of CapHill fav, Sonoma.

Everything Is Cherry: Blossom Beverages [Express]

Ballpark Cuisine [Express]

Adams Morgan Evolution [Express]

Eat Your Greens [Express]

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It’s early March, which can only mean two things: it’s either time for the second annual spring training trip or it’s time to begin over-hyping the Washington Redskins. Last year, myself and two of my “we-finally-got-rid-of-abreu-lieberthal-bell-and-wade-so-we-can-root-for-the-phillies-again” friends decided to start an annual trip down to spring training in Clearwater, Florida.

While our 2007 focus was mostly on beer and hot dogs and a Howard Johnson hotel near the stadium, we expanded our horizons in 2008. Staying in Ybor City allowed us to not just enjoy the nightlife, but also the fine Tampa cuisine.

Below is a day-by-day eating recap. (Note: since the average ES reader is likely unaware of the Phillies AA team, we do not recap the baseball games here. I will say this, however, Greg Golson is faaaaast.)

Weds:
Breakfast – the tray table on the airplane where I was faceplanted until 6 in the morning on my red-eye from Salt Lake City.

Lunch – Baseball game…..the usual…..hot dogs and plenty of beer

Dinner – Fried Calamari: have you ever noticed that all non-cocktail, calamari sauce is always a little bit different. I wish it were a little more consistent. This batch was fried, but a little soft. I like my calamari like I like my NFL free agents: crispy and hard to stop talking about. The Lava Burger – I could try to describe this, but there is no better description than what is on the Green Iguana’s Bar and Grill Menu – Caution! Contents extremely explosive – a Caribbean – spiced grilled burger with the Lizard’s Lava BBQ sauce and tobacco onions.

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With the NCAA basketball tournament tipping off this afternoon, America’s brightest young minds are poised to spend the next month doing what they do best: getting drunk and yelling at television screens. When all the blood, sweat, tears - and beer - are swept off the court, the nation’s 18 million college students will be left in search of one thing: some grease to soak it all up.

While you were finalizing your bracket picks, Endless Simmer carefully evaluated the tournament field to compile this list of the tournament’s Top 10 Colleges - ranked by the drunk food they have to offer their hungry, hungry students. Eat that, U.S. News and World Report.

10. University of Wisconsin - Mac ‘n Cheese Pizza

Photo: J&J Blog

Oh maaaan, I need some pizza. Cheesy pizza. Mmmm, cheese. No, wait, I want mac and cheese. Oooh! Pizza with mac and cheese on top! That’s what I want.

If you have ever said or heard a statement like this, you are almost certainly a drunk college student. Also, you probably live in Wisconsin.

The Badgers may have been dissed by the selection committee (29-4 can’t get you a no #2 seed??) but Wisconsin never was as good at sports as they are at creative use of cheese. Madison drunks flock to Ian’s Pizza for this gooey, magnificent creation that just couldn’t come from any other state.

9. Rutgers - Fat Darell

Photo: AP

Don Imus’ not-so-favorite team is back in the women’s tourney as a Number 2 seed, while the Rutgers men were sent packing after a miserable season at the bottom of the Big East.

But don’t feel too bad for the Scarlet Knights - they can always console themselves back on campus with a Jersey summer full of Fat Darrells, a behemoth of a sandwich that solves the drunk’s eternal dilemma of “Do I want chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, or French fries?”

The answer: a resounding “all three,” piled high on a sub role and topped off with marinara sauce. I’d tell you more about it but I’m a little short of breath and I feel a painful shooting sensation in my arm.

8. Purdue - The Duane Purvis All-American

Photo: Flick User Horsepj

You can be forgiven if you didn’t know the name of Purdue’s All-American half-back/full-back from their undefeated 1932 football team. But you should damn well know the burger that bears his name.

The Triple XXX Family Restaurant in West Lafayette, Indiana serves up this decidedly unwholesome Boilermaker classic: 100% sirloin patty with lettuce, tomato, pickle, Spanish onions, and….wait for it…peanut butter. Only a drunk or Elvis - perhaps only a drunk Elvis - could fully appreciate this brilliance.

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Editors Note: I’m sure you all remember our prolific sports correspondent, broadandpattison, from our half-assed football-food contest. First, we apologize for not following through on the contest, but with broad rallying Northern Virginia Democrats and our guiding spirit, The Birds, not inspiring us, the contest dwindled just like Aker’s foot. Hopefully for the next football season, when our readership quadruples, we can try it again. Here is the official ES Super Bowl round-up.

In anticipation of disappointing Super Bowl commercials and an even more miserable match-up……broadandpattison returns.

Before I go into my rant, let me just say this as a disclaimer: the New York Giants deserve to be in the Super Bowl. They played better than any other NFC playoff team down the stretch, simple as that. So what was their recipe? Answer: not sucking. While the national media and other football “experts” continue to praise Eli Manning, the fact of the matter is that he isn’t great, he just stopped sucking. Are our standards for a Super Bowl QB (and #1 draft pick) now simply, not throwing interceptions? That’s it? Really?

Read on for more expert analysis and broad’s checklist on SB parties’ food dos and don’ts

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(my first bite of bacon…clearly I’m just as confused
about it then as I am now)

I’m sure no one is tired of hearing about my new exploits at Express (thanks Liza!) Here are links to the articles, in case you don’t have the luxury of living in the DC Metro area.

Teamsters’ Union: Super Bowl Bars [Express]

A Warm Winter Treat: German Gluhwein [Express]

Amaryllis Blooms With Flavor [Express]

Chocolate Lovers Festival [Express]

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Ugh.

Okay, whatever, so I guess there’s a football game this weekend. I usually hate the Super Bowl because I’m just so pisted off that my team isn’t in it. But this year, I’m extra furious. (Especially after watching a re-run of the 2005 Eagles-Pats Super Bowl on the NFL Network last night.)

I know that you all will be able to find tons and tons of recipes for the “big game,” mostly for fried food and dips, but you know ES. We’re trailblazers.

Check out the cake above. When the Skins lost in the playoffs (!) my friend Hickey entertained with the above stadium cake. Although her cake came from a mix, I’ve decided to still showcase it here. So if you’re bored with wings, chips and beer (not that any human could be) feel free to bring something sweet. You’re going to need something delicious to get you through this horror of a game.

Here are some non-cheating alternatives for stadium bundt cake.

Banana Dream Bundt Cake [Sassy Priscilla’s Craft and Life Journal]

Chocolate-Pumpkin Marble Cake [TeamSugar]

Sour Cream Mocha Cake [Mom’s Best Recipes]

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It’s still a video game, I don’t care if it’s curing world hunger [HuffPo]

Oh wait, that’s not a steak, it’s seaweed and mushrooms [WaPo]

Football players, Mexican Fruit Cake and Charity…this has got to be a lie [Epicurious]

Photo: 93 Colors

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As 80 mentioned earlier, we were hit by a barrage of boys from his college days. Playing the role - woman of the household - I deemed it necessary to whip up a quick snack before we got lazy and just ordered pizzas for dinner. I really don’t know why I must create a homemade anything when guests arrive. It’s surely not from my “dogs in a blanket” dad gansie nor my anti-entertaining mom. (Yes, I know it’s usually “pigs in a blanket,” but remember - the gansie household maintains an air of kosherdom.)

Maybe it’s from Barefoot Contessa. Ina constantly hosts guests at her gorgeous Hamptons house, whipping up anything from breakfast bread pudding to Rack of Lamb Persillade. Alright, so I have a bit of work ahead of me. But dips are a start. They really are my favorite thing to make. It’s a game in creativity - what can I throw together from my pantry and fridge that will actually be interesting, delicious and quick.

And, if you haven’t noticed, we added three new categories to our already monstrous list: celebs, sports, and jewish. And because we ended up watching ultimate fighting, mixed martial arts style (or something like that) during the night (and much to the dismay of h diddy and me), I’m tagging this with sports. Actually, I cannot tell a lie, I ended up getting very into the violence and destruction of these poor human beings. Although I’m still not a fan of blood, a “sport” where wrestling, kick boxing, traditional boxing, and more or less, humping, is involved, is something that is so truly terrible that I can just can’t turn away.

Um, back to the dip. Recipe post jump.

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