Endless Simmer - A Food Blog

As most of you know, Passover is the time of year when Jews celebrate the liberation of the Israelites from slavery. Our ancestors had no time to leaven their bread before fleeing Egypt, so in their honor we forgo fluffy dinner rolls in favor of dry and flat matzah.

Now here’s what I don’t get - I love me some baguettes and brioches, but unleavened bread can be fantastic in its own right. Tortillas, flatbreads, crackers - none of these things need to rise, yet they are all way more delicious than simplistic and flour-heavy matzah. So yeah, I can handle unleavened bread, but why can’t we go with a more exciting variety? Naan? Roti? Ritz crackers? Wheat Thins? One of Rachael Ray’s crazy triscuit concoctions? What about pita? That one’s even Jewish. OK, so maybe I’m no rabbinical student, but as far as I can tell, each of these types of unleavened bread would make for an infinitely more exciting Seder table than matzah, without technically breaking the rules.

Many people claim to love matzah, but it’s more likely they really just love whatever tasty topping they put on matzah to cover up its meh flavor. Because it tastes like nothing, you can really put anything on it. There’s the grade-school-nostalgic peanut-butter-and-jelly matzah, the bagel-imitating everything matzah, even fancy-pants smothered-in-nutella matzah. In an attempt to unite my Irish and Jewish heritage, sometimes I spread an ample serving of Kerrygold over matzah. It’s delicious, but of course it’s really just the butter I love. There’s even a Passover game where the adults hide the matzah throughout the house and the kids spend the evening searching for it. Honestly, I think everyone’s hoping it never gets found.

Seriously people, if we ever want to be as big as the Christian holidays, we’re gonna have to come up with more than this second-rate Easter egg hunt. I mean, these people have Cadbury’s creme eggs for Christ’s sake - we can’t compete with that! I’m not trying to offend anyone, but it’s been a few thousand years now, and we really need to come up with a more exciting matzah.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold the phone. Forget everything I just said. I’m getting word that matzah can be made into candy. A-mazing.

Explanation after the jump.

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Sorry everyone, this cookie is now in my belly.

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AOL Food put together this pretty great quiz that tasks you to identify the inside of 20 different candy bars. It’s fun and surprisingly challenging, although it should come with a fair warning that it both stressed me out and made me hungry.

Mmm…check it out.

(and let us know how well you do)

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I hate milk. Straight milk, that is. Sure, I take it in my coffee and in milk shakes (which should really just be called ice cream shakes) and when I was a kid I used to drink chocolate milk. But straight milk makes me nauseated. And I can never do the smell test when the milk is bad because every time I smell it, even if it’s a new jug, I think it smells like throw-up. So I’m saying that to say - I have to sneak milk into my diet by using other methods. Hence the delicious drink I will shortly describe.

For some reason (fine, when do I ever not talk about food) I was telling Elizabeth, my old house mate’s new house mate, about my banana and PB sandwich and how I wish I knew other ways to use up post-ripe bananas. She then told me about this nutritious and tasty drink starring a ripe, but frozen, banana. It’s a really simple - throw everything in the blender - type of drink. Her version is much simpler, and much healthier. But I’ll give you mine first. You know, because god-forbid I ever follow a recipe exactly the way it’s supposed to be.

I did measure, though.

Banana-Chocolate Smoothie

To start, when a banana starts to over ripen, slice it into rounds, put it in a ziplock bag and throw it in the freezer.

In a blender: 1 frozen, sliced banana, 1 cup skim milk, 1 tablespoon hot chocolate mix (sans marshmallows), 2 tablespoons light chocolate syrup, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, 1 teaspoon honey. Blend until smooth.

Elizabeth’s recipe included the banana, skim milk, vanilla extract and cocoa powder (I tried to find it at my local market, but I don’t think they had it.) It’s not supposed to be a sweet drink, but I wanted more chocolate taste and I wanted to add the the thickness that honey brings to the party.

Photos: 80P

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OK, there’s no punchline, just three fancy cheeses I am lovin’ on lately and think you guys should know about…

Like most Americans, the first 23 or so years of my life were dominated by cheese made from cows. Namely, cheddar, Swiss, American, and String.

Back before the snobby days of food blogs, I thought provolone and havarti were pretty damn fancy, and had no idea that cows were only the beginning. I was amazed to learn that sheep could produce something as phenomenal as pecornio romano, and I was dumbfounded when told that fresh mozzarella doesn’t come from cows at all, but from water buffalo.

Then, at some glorious point in my early post-collegiate life, I stumbled into a fancy-shmancy dinner party and discovered the wondrous beauty that is spun from the teat of a female goat. My life has not been the same since, as there is literally an entire world of soft, creamy, goat’s milk cheeses to be tasted. Here are three that have recently blown my mind, and my palate.

Boucheron - This French goat’s milk cheese comes in a waxy rind that I have to say I’m not crazy about, but it surrounds a soft white middle that is rich, creamy and just a little bit sharp. Most importantly, this is a goat cheese that crumbles in your mouth, not in your hands. Unlike other crumbly goat cheeses and fetas, Boucheron isn’t just for salad - it can be easily spread on a cracker or just sliced and eaten solo.

Nevat - Holy cow goat. This Catalaunian cheese, whose name is Spanish for ’snowy,’ dares to be different. Nevat goes for the rich and creamy thing without bothering with the crumbles. The consistency is closer to Brie than most goat cheeses, but it still captures that tangy goat cheese thing with just a little bit of sweet thrown in.

Humboldt Fog - I have no idea where California stands in the global cheese pantheon, but if this bad boy is any indication, the Golden State should be getting some serious cheese-loving props. Cypress Grove Chevre, the NoCal company that specializes in goat’s milk cheeses, sums up their signature offering as how: “an elegant, soft, surface ripened cheese. The texture is creamy and luscious with a subtle tangy flavor.” All true, but what they aren’t telling you is that this mofo is some stinky cheese. Seriously. As in hold your nose, put a bag over your head, and don’t inhale, stinky cheese. It’s also a smooth, buttery thing of beauty that should not be missed. (Props to Alison for the recommendation.)

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You know those Hungry Man commercials. It’s like, oh, only wussies eat salad or whatever. Okay, that was a bad impression, but I think you know what I’m talking about. The whole notion that MEN need a pound of food is sexist and unhealthy. Not to mention completely fucking wrong.

So it was nice to see Men’s Health feature the 20 worst foods found in restaurants, plus suggestions for alternatives. Vanity is in.

Photo: Scritchy Pictures

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Over on our Facebook page earlier this week, Endless Simmer was ruminating about how excited we are for Peeps Season. (Of course you already know this if you are friends with us.)

Seriously though, how awesome is Easter? Jellybeans, Cadbury’s eggs, marshmallow peeps - it’s like Halloween but with Jesus. And this year, it comes extra early. Oh man, we must have been good this year or something.

Building on our excitement, JoeHoya wanted to make sure we knew the Washington Post runs an annual PEEPS DIORAMA CONTEST.

It’s OK, take a minute. I’m sure you’re staggering back with excitement the same way I was. Here are the details:

We want you to make a diorama of a famous occurrence or scene. It can be a historical, current or future event, or it can be a nod to pop culture. The main rule is that all the characters must be played by Peeps, those marshmallowy chicks and rabbits that start plaguing checkout lines in every grocery and convenience store this time of year….The winner will receive a $100 American Express gift check and a Peeps prize pack courtesy of Just Born, the company that owns the Peeps brand. Four runners-up will receive a $50 American Express gift check and a Peeps prize pack.

Let’s recap:

You get to make a diorama, for the first time since grade school, you have to incorporate peeps, you can win dollar bills, and “Extra credit may be given to deft use of puns in the concept or title.”

Oh it’s on.

Photo: WaPo

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I know, I know, believe it or not, I do have a day job. And it’s for a non-profit. So as much as I’d love to go out to eat at my fav places every night, or cook fantastic meals, sometimes I slum it.

Exhibit A:

Normally, I would have thrown that sucker out. But, I looked at it twice. As a thing of beauty. As a slice of life I shouldn’t waste. And so I mashed the banana up with some natural peanut butter** and created a creamy, and slightly chunky open faced sandwich. On wheat toast. With a side of ruffled plain potato chips.

**Holy crap. There are like a million different kinds of peanut butters. Or, I should say: NUT BUTTERS. So 80 and I are in Whole Foods selecting over-priced ingredients for our “V-day” celebration and I remember that I just ran out of peanut butter. (Hint, Hint - 80. This is your girlfriend nagging you to write up our Vday dinner.)

Now growing up in little ole Cherry Hill, New Jersey I only remember two kinds of PB - Jif and Peter Pan (I was a Jif girl.) And then I found out there was “chunky” which I thought was disgusting, as I hated peanuts (I’ve grown to like them since) and I didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that my beloved peanut butter was actually made from peanuts. Okay, I’ll reveal one more secret just so I can beat dad gansie to the punch: my elementary school lunch sandwich consisted of peanut butter on a hamburger bun. Period.

Okay, back to WF. Since I don’t frequent that grocer very often, I haven’t memorized the aisles so I had to ask where the PB was. I was swiftly corrected that I would be taken to the NUT BUTTER aisle. Anyway I get there and just fucking stare. Meanwhile, 80, who is itchin to get out of there at this point (he has his gourmet beer so he’s ready) is not super thrilled when he finds me open-mouthed and rummaging through: soy butter, soy peanut butter, almond butter, cashew butter, organic fill-in-the-blank nut butter, natural peanut butter, natural organic peanut butter and blah blah blah I’m going insane! I ended up just getting what I came for (10 minutes later) - natural peanut butter. Phew.

Hold up - one more Q - why is natural PB so funky in that the oil separates from the rest of the creaminess? JoeHoya? Anyone?

*Spoiler Alert*
And OMFG - I can’t believe the ending of this week’s LOST. The Baby!

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Happy President’s Day!

You might be wondering what the above photo has to do with POTUS Day, and if you are, blame it on your nursery school teacher. My mom manages 17 three year olds on a daily basis. And when I say manage I mean she sings with them, ties their shoes, leads circle time, helps them with crafts, feeds them snacks (NO PEANUTS!), and of course, teaches them. AKA - comes home with a headache every day.

Nursery school lessons are boiled down to the basics. (I won’t even get into the way they teach Thanksgiving.) Anyway, here is the tasty treat that the kiddies made to commemorate our very noble, very honest, very judicious country leaders.

And one note, every year dad gansie comes to my mom’s classroom to help out with this messiest and yummiest of crafts. I guess the children think my dad is the original G-Dubs.

Lincoln’s Log Cabin Republicans

Place a shoe box open side down and cover with aluminum foil.

(dad gansie and unidentified pre-schooler)

With a plastic knife spread vanilla icing on all sides of a pretzel log. Stick on shoe box.

Bonus points: create windows and doors with broken pieces of pretzel.

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