Endless Simmer - A Food Blog

While DC will never achieve the greatness of New York/New Jersey pizza, it does produce a quality wood-fired version at Sette Osteria. The restaurant, with floor-to-ceiling windows facing busy Connecticut Avenue, is a good choice for those craving Italian carbs. Its version of bruschetta is more like a salad, with heaps of arugula and cherry tomatoes piled high on one piece of grilled bread, which makes this usually sharable appetizer difficult to split. That’s okay, though - it’s too good to split. Arugula salad with shaved fennel and pecorino shavings, tossed with lemon vinaigrette, is large enough for a light lunch with a refreshing crunch. Ai peperoni e melanzane, a pie topped with smoked mozzarella, eggplant, and roasted bell peppers, will satisfy your needs for a savory, smoky, slightly charred pizza.
For: Getting your Italian fill on this side of the Atlantic.
Entrees: $9-$19. 202-483-3070. 1666 Connecticut Ave, NW

Originally in the Onion - AV Club / DC local edition

Photo: Sette Osteria

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While you may think star-commenter JoeHoya (or affectionately, JH) may simply spend all of his blog reading time with ES, you’d be shockingly mistaken. JH actually writes for the *rival* food blog, DC Foodies. And as I never really read other food blogs (unless he/she comments on our posts and leaves a link to their blog) I have neglected JH’s hard work elsewhere. So, here, JH - our official ES tribute to our first and favorite non-friend commenter. (Actually, you know what that stinker first wrote on our blog - he corrected a misspelling of mine…) Anyway, enjoy our GOP foe boy, JoeHoya.

Investigative Reporter [JoeHoya]

Disgruntled Cheese Plate Eater [JoeHoya]

Exhaustive Restaurant Critiquer [JoeHoya]

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Dear DC Tonic Brunch,

I love your neighborhood bar and restaurant at night, but for brunch, you have failed me miserably!

So Beware Tonic Brunch upstairs, you have officially pissed off Liza.

.

You didn’t even provide the BASIC necessities of any establishment. NO WATER! We had to ask five, YES FIVE times to get a cup of water. NO SILVERWARE! Oh, you were out of knives and spoons… well I had to work REALLY hard at cutting my food and I refuse to do any kind of work at all during brunch. NOT COOL. NO COFFEE REFILL! This is a MUST at brunch, and beyond unacceptable. WTF! Your food- if I wanted a bowl of butter I would have asked for that, but no, I ordered GRITS! And your new tortilla buenas… you might as well have given me scrambled eggs with a side of tortilla’s because that’s essentially what this was - no chile flavor at all like you claimed.

You know, I had given you a second chance, even when everyone had already claimed you were not up to par, and what did you do, you basically spit in my face. And in the MORNING! You can’t treat people like that in the morning. Brunch is the one thing I look forward to EVERY weekend, and you ruined one of my favorite experiences. I could not WAIT to get out of your restaurant.

So Tonic Brunch upstairs, you should really just stick to your tater tots, and leave the brunch to someone else, because you did NOT cure what “ails” me, you created an ailment that I was bitter about all day!

Your former loyal customer,

Liza

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Maybe because 80P is always telling me to keep my voice down, I never notice how loud or quiet a restaurant is - I just scream regardless. But apparently I might be the only person that feels this way. According to a 5-part investigative report by Washington Post food critic Tom Sietsema, noise is the number one complaint about eating out.

He explained the severity through this over-the-top story:

Brown, a 35-year-old senior finance manager at a Washington nonprofit, planned to propose to Rebecca Oser at Central Michel Richard downtown just before Valentine’s Day. Fueled by a few drinks, Brown says, he pulled out a gift-wrapped box containing a sapphire ring from his jacket pocket before the dessert course. It should have been a memorable moment. Instead, Brown found himself competing for Oser’s attention with a bustling open kitchen, CNN anchors on overhead TVs and a conversation at the next table that got louder when another person walked over to say hello.

Despite the distractions, Brown popped the question: Rebecca, will you marry me? He’s not sure if he actually heard the reply, but he got the response he was looking for. Oser, a 29-year-old project director, slipped on the ring and came around the table to sit beside him.

First off, public engagements should be outlawed. You’d think that for this most special of all nights people would want to be in private. I know I don’t want to see a blubbering bride-to-be flashing a diamond around to people she doesn’t know. Get a room! (The best engagement story I’ve heard so far is from my friend, Jules - she was in her sweatpants when Gary proposed! And, she’s letting the bridesmaids sport these gorgeous, absolutely re-wearable dresses! Love you, Jules!)

Anyway, I’d absolutely rather enjoy food in a loud restaurant (my fav place, Bistrot du Coin, was rated the nosiest place in the city!) than in a setting where I have to whisper for fear of everyone hearing my conversation.

When 80 took me to Vidalia for my birthday, we actually both hunched over the table (well, maybe I was hunching because I was hungover) so 80 could whisper to me the details of the previous night’s Happy Hour without completely appalling the neighboring table.

But here, take a look at Tom’s articles and let me know your thoughts on restaurant noise.

• No Appetite for Noise [Cover Story]
• New rating system that will surely fix the problem [Decibel Breakdown]
• Everyone loves lists! [Top 10 Loudest/Quietest DC Restaurants]
• Bring on the complaints [Chat with Tom]
• Nothing’s more fun that watching noise [Video of noise, I shit you not]

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It’s an urban legend among roommate disaster stories. Roommate #1 goes to neighborhood takeout joint. Orders smelliest thing on menu. Brings home, consumes half during Lost marathon, puts in fridge. Roommate #2 comes home, sniffs something rank, assumes rotten meat in fridge, throws out stinky leftovers. Passive aggressive notes ensue. Roommate tension escalates. Both move out. And it all started with a smelly dish.

DC has many choices of incredibly smelly, yet unbelievably tasty takeout. Everyone has come across this fare in some form. It’s the food with the stench that is embedded in your car during the five minute drive from the curry shop to your couch (car fresheners don’t come in Lamb Korma). The meal that when consumed at the desk causes coworkers’ eyes to water. The food that may smell better coming out than going in. But in the battle between taste buds and nose, taste triumphs. Meet the pungent posse of yummy DC takeout food.

Honorable Mention: O Jing A Bukom, Adam Express
This nondescript takeout place in Mt. Pleasant may look like any of the many forgettable Chinese joints that dot the DC landscape (sorry YUMS and Dannys). But one step inside this place and you are greeted with an extensive Korean menu, smiling owners, and the succulent stench of food. While everything in this tasty hole-in-the-wall has an aroma, only the daring need to order the stinkiest of all smelly foods: O Jing A Bukom. Broiled squid and vegetables sautéed in a spicy sauce with an odor more ferocious than the villain in Twenty Thousand Leagues. But man, is it good. The fresh chili spicy sauce is the perfect accompaniment to the perfectly grilled seafood. If the squid isn’t malodorous enough, Adam Express kindly includes a side of Kimchi (pickled cabbage) to raise the smelly stakes.
Adam Express, 3211 Mt Pleasant St NW, Washington, DC 20010, (202) 328-0010

4th Place: Garlic Knots, Valentino’s, Alexandria
New York pizza enthusiasts love Valentino’s for its authentic pies. But look beyond the main course for an appetizer that will surely singe the senses. This adored takeout joint takes pizza dough and bakes it with herbs, spices, olive oil, and Kilimanjaro-size mountain of garlic. Valentino’s creation heads a thousand knots into Garlic Land (Candyland’s much less profitable successor). The flavor is perfectly spiced, fragrant goodness, and the bread is warm and generously greasy, but the fumes give off a garlic sauna. Perfect for John Carpenter or Vampire Weekend fans, or for one of the Coreys in The Lost Boys. Not at all good for first dates.
Valentino’s, 4813 Beauregard St, Alexandria, VA 2232, (703) 354-8383

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In this installment from the gansie files, you will learn more than you care to know about cherry blossom themed drinks in DC; get the scoop on the grub at the new Nationals Park; discover an appetizer that isn’t fried or breaded; and find out the green-ness of CapHill fav, Sonoma.

Everything Is Cherry: Blossom Beverages [Express]

Ballpark Cuisine [Express]

Adams Morgan Evolution [Express]

Eat Your Greens [Express]

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While you’re bitching about the pending commercial hell of DC USA—the new shopping center starring Target—and how it will ruin the neighborhood spirit, grab a bite to eat across the street at Logan @ The Heights. Take in the goth interior, reminiscent of a Meatloaf video, as you start in on the mussels, soaked in a creamy sauce and perfect for a bread-soaking session. Skip the fried baby artichokes, as they are oily and served in portions too small to justify the $8.50 price tag; also skip the Southern fried chicken (it’s dry) and the grilled salmon that seems to be served with Aunt Jemima (actually a “citrus-maple sauce”). Sandwiches are where it’s at here: both the burger and the pretend burger—eggplant and Portobella mushroom with feta and sun-dried tomato—are juicy and filling, and served with hand-cut fries.
For: Eating at a local joint before chain-restaurant hysteria sets in.
Entrees: $9-$22. 202-797 -7227. 3314 14th St, NW (Columbia Heights)

Originally in the Onion - AV Club / DC local edition

Photo: Flickr user, otavio_dc

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With kitschy Alice in Wonderland photos adorning the walls, Madhatter really is a trip into a foreign , underground (literally, it’s in a basement) world–one that’s affordable, and fun in the midst of stuffy and overpriced bars. While the menu stays true to greasy treats (buffalo wings, chicken tenders, and nachos), the Hatter also offers classic salad choices and homey blue-plate specials. Be sure to order the fries, though: they’re surprisingly light and crispy, and don’t even need ketchup. Spend your drunken, after-work hours taking advantage of half-priced appetizers and $2.50 rail, house wine and daily changing beer specials.
For: A less trippy trip to Wonderland.
Entrees: $7-$18. 202-833-1495. 1831 M St, NW (Dupont Circle)

Originally in the Onion - AV Club / DC local edition

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Anton Ego, Food Critic, Ratatouille

Hi all. Welcome to the next edition of Ask a Professional, Answer a Blogger.

one / “mom, dad, well, i’m not pregnant”

Downtown/The Hill: Hey Tom! I need your expert guidance. My boyfriend and I need to tell my parents that we are (gulp!) moving in together. They will be in town in a few weeks and we thought we tell them over dinner. I sent the menu of Central to my Dad and he balked. Can you recommend the perfect, moderately priced, meat and potatoes or Italian restaurant we could go to? They will be staying near Galludet and I work downtown, so in the vicinity of either would be great.

Thanks so much!!!

Tom Sietsema: Try the revamped Dish in Foggy Bottom, Sette Osteria in Dupont Circle, maybe the new Marvin on 14th St. NW, near V.

gansie: aaaahhhh. I super sympathize with this girl. Dropping the whole “living in sin” bomb was NOT on my list of favorite things to discuss with the parental units. All I can say is, I hope her boyfriend doesn’t have to go under the knife when parents finally visit. My suggested restaurant for this occasion: Bistrot du Coin. It’s affordable, absolutely delicious and will supply enough noise to block out any awkward silences.

two / dining with animals is quite common in Europe

New York, NY: Dear Tom:

Visiting D.C. last weekend, I was enjoying a fine meal at Hook on M St. in Georgetown with three friends — we were the last four in the upstairs dining room, close to midnight — enjoying dessert when over by the window, under a table, I spied a large white rat. I called over a staff member and told him what I had seen; he went over and confirmed that there was indeed a rat there.

His explanation was “construction”‘ next door. No apology. No offer to buy us a drink or dessert or to even send over a more senior staff or manager.

I live in New York and do not spook easily — this is just an unacceptable situation.

Tom Sietsema: Yep, a manager should have been called in to address the issue. Even a “I’m so sorry, let me look into the problem” from someone senior would have been nice.

A question for lurking restaurateurs: What kind of compensation, if any, does such an incident merit?

_____________

Capitol Hill, D.C.: Would you really want free food from a restaurant that had a rat in it?

Tom Sietsema: I’d vote for a cocktail myself. Something strong.

gansie: I think I’m with Tom on this one - one dirty martini for the girl who’s standing on her chair, screaming about the rat.80′d take an after dinner 10 year tawny port. Dad gansie - a dessert to go.

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