Sometimes You Gotta Take It to the House: Decadent Vacation Eating

Sometimes on vacation you take a step back. You remember that this is not some isolated period and choose yogurt for lunch, because what happens here (aka insane food and drinking choices) will catch up with you in non-vacation land.

Sometimes, though, as my friend Matt would say, you gotta take it to the house.

And this is where this large mound of meat comes in. On my first day in Cleveland I wanted something decadent, something that I could eat slowly, enjoy an alfresco setting, and take in an exotic beer. I found my match at The Greenhouse Tavern in an adorable, if not somewhat manufactured, alley in the midst of downtown.

After conferring with my server, I decided on:

Hand Ground Beef Tartare Frites w/ pommes frites, 42 minute egg, salted red jalapeño & condiments, $13.

Before my dish came out, I took a trip to the Ladies’. I walked down the stairs and as soon as I looked up I was in the kitchen watching a woman butcher a huge pig. I just stood and stared. After that, I had a good feeling about my meal. Ordering a raw dish can be scary, but knowing what care they take to bring in animals, I was ready.

Honestly, the dish was everything I wanted. Fresh meat, slightly seasoned with chives. Crisp fries with two (!) dipping sauces—a kicky dijon mustard and a creamy aioli—and three additional toppings of finely diced red onion, finely diced cornichon, and finely diced poached and roasted jalepeno (the most interesting item on the plate). And a barely cooked egg, even though it had been heated for 42 minutes.

I chatted with Jerry, over the phone, to find out exactly what a 42 minute egg meant: The egg is kept in its shell, with only a small crack made at the top. It’s then dropped in a water bath and held at 150 degrees for 42 minutes. The egg is cooled in an ice bath before landing on top of raw beef.

For that exotic beer I mentioned, well, exotic is relative: I sipped on a stout, Tallgrass Brewing‘s Buffalo Sweat, from Kansas.

 

Food Bloggers Give Panera’s Menu a Gluten-Free Makeover

Remember the team of activist food bloggers who took our list of America’s Top 10 New Sandwiches and made vegan versions of each sandwich? Well, Namely Marly and her team are at it again. This time, they’re giving one of America’s biggest bakery chains a GF makeover. Namely Marly writes:

I recently met a friend for breakfast at Panera and was surprised, nay shocked, to learn that they didn’t offer any gluten-free items at the bread bar. How could this be? Are they not aware of the growing number of people who are flocking toward gluten-free lifestyles?

The solution? De-gluten-ize the whole place! Namely Marly and her crew came up with gluten-free recipes for nine different items on the Panera menu. But will the bakery chain add any of these creations to their roster? Your move, Panera.

1. Chocolate Chunk Muffins

Recipe: Multiply Delicious

2. Caramel Pecan Rolls

Recipe: Namely Marly

3. Spinach and Artichoke Souffle

Recipe: Clean Green Simple

 

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Alert Isaac Newton: Gravity-Defying Apple Found in Cleveland

I’m a 1950s housewife these days. I’m writing (unemployed-ish) and therefore find my schedule fairly flexible. Bennett signed up for a work training in Cleveland, but since he would finish by 4pm and we have our friend Heather living there now, I decided to jump along for the Midwestern vacation. I know that’s what my grandmother (housewife) would do when my grandfather traveled for work.

On vacation I rarely think about choosing healthy foods. Fuck it, right? I’m on vacation. But my aunt said something during last Thanksgiving that (unfortunately?) stuck with me. It’s easy to think of a special reason to turn to treats—birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, holidays, break-ups, fights, good days, bad days—so soon every day there can be an explanation to eat dessert or go for that second helping.

So for my second lunch in Cleveland, where the first screamed indulgence, I chose a light dish at Lucky’s Cafe. Something I could be proud of: yogurt with berries and house-made granola. Heather oozed with excitement after I placed the order and my worries of a boring meal on vacation soon diminished. (Heather, by the way, keeps an eating-in-Cleveland blog.)

We sat outside on a wooden picnic table, under an umbrella and next to the restaurant’s large garden.

Then the yogurt came and holy shit.

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An Italian Chef Walks Into a Nacho Bar…

Chef Richard Hodge really loves nachos. Unfortunately, he works at an Italian restaurant, which makes putting them on his menu impossible. Or does it?

Hodge recently invented a way out of this horrific dilemma: pasta nachos, a new addition to his menu at Puccini & Pinetti in San Francisco.

Instead of nacho chips, Hodge takes wonton wrappers, cuts them into triangles, and fries until crispy. Then he tops them with housemade fennel sausage, a little salsa marinara sauce, fresh mozzarella cheese and bakes until the cheese melts. Once cooked, it’s topped with diced Serrano chilies, tomatoes, shredded basil and red onion. Italian nachos — they really do exist! Hodge was kind enough to share his recipe.

Pasta Nachos

Makes 4 servings


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Burns My Bacon: 1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, FAIL

The Irish bar next door to my office always has a sandwich board advertising the day’s food/drink specials. To my intense annoyance, said board often has misspellings and a ton of misplaced apostrophes (“$3 Bloody Mary’s!” etc). It has become a private, daily tradition of mine to check the board and make snarky mental comments about how dumb they are.

Today, though, this bar has taken it TOO. FAR. Time to get the venting out of my mind and into the world.

Come on, guys! As much as I hate bad grammar and spelling, I can usually let things slide. But tainting the hallowed name of tequila?! This offends me on a personal level. Please take note that this abomination occurs not once, but twice. Then they add insult to injury with the whole “qesadilla” situation. I mean, maybe Spanish isn’t their first language. It isn’t mine, either. But I at least know that Q is generally followed by a U. It’s like they are actively trying to spell everything wrong. You have a job in the bar industry! You are physically and metaphorically surrounded by food and drink words! How…?!

And don’t try to give them the benefit of the doubt by saying “But they’re an Irish bar, maybe they never learned basic Mexican food words because”… no. Not a legit excuse. (This also begs a whole different question — why aren’t they serving colcannon and Guinness as a special? I’ve almost never seen them touting any sort of Irish dish.) Plus it’s not just foreign languages that trip them up. Don’t think I didn’t notice that “provalone” travesty near the bottom of the sign. I got my eye on you, Sailor Jerry-themed specials board.

If you want to make your living hawking food and booze, at least attempt to respect your trade and your customers through attention to detail. If correctly spelling menu items is even considered a “detail” and not a glaringly obvious priority.

More rants: check out our Burns My Bacon archive. Better yet, feed us back and tell us what burns your bacon.

Cocktail O’Clock: The Beer Float

Problem: you love drinking dark beers, but they just don’t seem appropriate for 85-degree summer days.

Solution: Add ice cream.

This beer float, made from Barrier Lights Out Stout and Steve’s vanilla bourbon ice cream, was Spotted at 61 Local in Brooklyn. I’d tell you it comes highly recommended, but do I really even need to sell this one to you?

(Photo: Audrey Luk)

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