Endless Simmer - A Food Blog

We all know there is no such thing as a free lunch. But back in the day, you used to get something for nothing, at least a slice of bread and butter, when dropping dollars to dine out. Now, not so much.

As I’ve complained before, Mexican joints are calling chips and salsa pico de gallo and charging for them; some fancy pants restaurants don’t even include tap water as an option; and the traditional free bread basket is harder to find than ever. (I don’t care if it is a garlic-rosemary brioche twist – if it’s bread, I don’t want to pay for it.)

Since these pre-meal freebies are becoming fewer and further between, I put together this list of New York’s best restaurants, as ranked by the free food they offer.

Holla back and let me know what I missed. You too, DC folks and others. Wherever I travel, I gotta know where the free is.

- Blue Ribbon Bakery

Skip the appetizer list at this chic West Village eatery ($8.50 for olives?), because you won’t even want a first course once you get a whiff of the fragrant, overflowing bread basket. The rotating assortment of freshly baked options ranges from the basic (rye, sourdough, challah) to specialty breads stuffed with bites of walnut, olive, and yes, even bacon. The baskets’ contents change from table to table, but if you’ve got a favorite, the servers are usually happy to hook you up.

- Junior’s

The bread basket is just the beginning at this over-the-top Brooklyn diner, where each meal begins with an entire table full of snacks. There are two A-1 bread offerings: caraway-studded onion rolls and soft and buttery cornbread, and each table also gets a sampling of crunchy dill pickles and a taste of the restaurant’s extra-vinegary coleslaw. Topping off this quirky smorgasbord is a gratis bowl of bright purple beets. The only problem is saving enough room for an overstuffed sandwich and a heaping slice of the legendary cheesecake.

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- Out: Grilling hot dogs. In: Roasting a whole pig. [Men’s Health]

- Out: New York bagels. In: Gourmet bagels imported from Montreal. [Best Bites]

- Out: Solving the world’s hunger problems. In: Eating half the world’s food supply in one sitting. [Daily Mail]

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These hott links are brought to you by the letter g.

- Slashfood has a tasty piece on Georgian food (The former SSR, not ATL). Sign me up for some Kapchuri (pictured above).

- Finally, the answer to the question that’s been bugging you ever since that Talmudic safari in Uganda. Yes, giraffe is kosher.

- WaPo reporter Jane Black brilliantly lays out the secret pain of people who love both food and grammar: why won’t they let us correct the typos on the menu?

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After spending 2 weeks in the Holy Land, only one thing is for certain: if something can compete with dipping french fries into buffalo sauce and ranch, it is dipping pita into hummus and tahini.

While Israel (my experience, at least) doesn’t offer the variety we are used to here, what they do, they do right.

Top 5 Holy Land Food Facts

1) It is healthier - instead of sausage and bacon with breakfast, there is cucumber and tomato salad. Instead of french fries and onion rings, there is hummus and pita.

2) Hummus comes with everything - literally. I had hummus with 26 straight meals, and the amazing part is I never got sick of it. In fact, I had to create a word to describe it: omnidip. Anything can be dipped into it, and consequently, improving that bite, including: chicken, potatoes, pita and vegetables. It’s the Israeli version of cheese.

3) Balance - nice balance of meat, vegetables, salad, soup and dessert. Always a hearty meal and never overdoing any of it. Problem is, many meals offer the same meat (chicken, lamb, tongue), vegetables (broccoli, green beans), potatoes (almost always broiled), and well, of course, hummus.

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Miranda ruled the roost in last week’s SatC-themed Who Cooked It Better, taking home a winning 36 percent of the vote for her pomatini. We promise not to mention this over-saturated media event any further, and this week have returned to a much manlier theme.

As pre-summertime kicks into full gear, everyone is taking it to the grills, so we weren’t surprised to see two of our favorite MSM food sources cover the same topic this week: grilled pizza. As an added bonus, both of ‘em went interactive, offering up a video and slideshow, so we couldn’t resist giving this to you as a Who Cooked It Better?

Over at WaPo, Tony Rosenfeld put together this handy slide show, with audio instructions on how to grill that perfect pie. Tony gives a great explanation about how to make a perfectly crispy dough that won’t fall apart on the grill (hint: restraint with the toppings, while difficult, is crucial). He tops it up with crumbled fontina, chicken, asparagus and red peppers over a pesto base. Certainly a little healthier than us NYCers are used to seeing our pizza come out, but hey, this is grilling, so it’s a whole new ballgame.

Over on NBC’s Today Show, Elizabeth Karmel brings us the below video, which really is worth a watch.

Elizabeth starts out in the minus zone with her decision to use a gas(p!) grill and suggestion to cheat your way through the crust process, because “grilling the dough makes all dough taste great.” She quickly wins me back with her polenta and olive oil base, and then it gets interesting. Elizabeth tops her pizza “whimsically,” and this is not an understatement. Among her suggested combinations: ‘cheeseburger pizza’ with ground beef and american cheese, a dessert pizza with ricotta and berries, even a cream cheese, lox and chives pizza. Holy crap!

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Just letting you know, I’ve become Robert Novak. No, really. People now pay to reprint my writing. I know. Crazytown. So, watch out for a gansie coming to your local Onion…New York, Chicago, Wisconsin, Austin, Denver, Minnesota, San Francisco…

Oh, and I never read. This story for the Onion was quite a struggle and I severely bothered my friends over this feature.

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What used to be a way for suburban mothers to get out of the house has now evolved into a way for young, single 20-somethings to get out of the house. While book clubs may vary drastically in theme (feminist, history, Oprah), participants (co-workers, neighbors, Craigslisters), and fun (glass of wine, bottle of wine, bowl of marijuana), all book clubs rally around food.

Some book clubs meet at a centrally located restaurant where they can linger over dog-eared pages, drink from communal
pitchers, and let other people make the food—but that can lead to members spending more time contemplating the pages of a menu than those of their literature.

Instead, class up your next book-club gathering and create a meal based around your book choice. (Or, alternatively, choose your book around a meal.) Here are some fine page-plate pairings to get your literary and culinary mind in gear.

Ron Paul, The Revolution
w/ Broiled Steak and Chipotle Dipping Dauce

If you think hope is audacious, don’t care about villages, and are through trying to live up to daddy’s example, perhaps you’d be more interested in the political upheaval espoused by 10-term congressman and Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul. His The Revolution touts the glories of the Constitution, reveres the vision of the Founding Fathers, and rages at what’s wrong with our current government. While chewing through this meaty treatise on libertarianism, pay tribute to Paul’s Texas roots by chewing through a broiled steak.

In a Pyrex dish, marinade a cut of flank steak with extra-virgin olive oil, crushed garlic, cumin, oregano, chili powder, kosher salt, and freshly ground black pepper; toss in some red wine too, but only if it’s from California—Paul’s an isolationist. While this sits, mix together sour cream, one chopped chipotle in adobo sauce, plus some adobo sauce, salt, pepper, and a few squeezes of a lime to create a smoky, hot dipping sauce. When the guests arrive, stick the steak under the broiler for two minutes, then flip it and cook it for another two minutes. Transfer to a cutting board, drape it with tin foil, and let it sit for seven minutes. Slice against the grain and serve it with your sauce. Keep your utensils in the drawer.

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Like I said in my first Passover post, I wouldn’t be getting any timely recipes to you. And as the holiday ended yesterday I’m just getting you a little something.

Now I have to say, this wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever eaten. But the below video will surely excite you.

The fairly common Matzah Brie (fried matzah) is like our answer to french toast. The matzah is torn in to pieces, soaked in water to soften, then the water is drained out as much as possible. Next, mix the matzah with eggs and milk. A lot of people make this sweet like french toast and add cinnamon and nutmeg and once fried, cover in *kosher for Passover* syrup. But I like my breakfast on the savory side: I seasoned it with salt and freshly ground black pepper and when it was fried, I topped it with cream cheese, raw onion and lox. I based it on this recipe.

The tricky part though, is flipping this creation so the top side is equally cooked and browned.

Check out DAD GANSIE as he flips the shit out of our matzah brie. This is best watched with volume.

Camera Works: gansie

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As most of you know, Passover is the time of year when Jews celebrate the liberation of the Israelites from slavery. Our ancestors had no time to leaven their bread before fleeing Egypt, so in their honor we forgo fluffy dinner rolls in favor of dry and flat matzah.

Now here’s what I don’t get - I love me some baguettes and brioches, but unleavened bread can be fantastic in its own right. Tortillas, flatbreads, crackers - none of these things need to rise, yet they are all way more delicious than simplistic and flour-heavy matzah. So yeah, I can handle unleavened bread, but why can’t we go with a more exciting variety? Naan? Roti? Ritz crackers? Wheat Thins? One of Rachael Ray’s crazy triscuit concoctions? What about pita? That one’s even Jewish. OK, so maybe I’m no rabbinical student, but as far as I can tell, each of these types of unleavened bread would make for an infinitely more exciting Seder table than matzah, without technically breaking the rules.

Many people claim to love matzah, but it’s more likely they really just love whatever tasty topping they put on matzah to cover up its meh flavor. Because it tastes like nothing, you can really put anything on it. There’s the grade-school-nostalgic peanut-butter-and-jelly matzah, the bagel-imitating everything matzah, even fancy-pants smothered-in-nutella matzah. In an attempt to unite my Irish and Jewish heritage, sometimes I spread an ample serving of Kerrygold over matzah. It’s delicious, but of course it’s really just the butter I love. There’s even a Passover game where the adults hide the matzah throughout the house and the kids spend the evening searching for it. Honestly, I think everyone’s hoping it never gets found.

Seriously people, if we ever want to be as big as the Christian holidays, we’re gonna have to come up with more than this second-rate Easter egg hunt. I mean, these people have Cadbury’s creme eggs for Christ’s sake - we can’t compete with that! I’m not trying to offend anyone, but it’s been a few thousand years now, and we really need to come up with a more exciting matzah.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold the phone. Forget everything I just said. I’m getting word that matzah can be made into candy. A-mazing.

Explanation after the jump.

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By now, you’ve totally heard us *kvetch* that we’re waiting for the day when ES makes it BIG. And when that happens, you’ll surely get recipes that you can use ahead of time, instead of hearing about them after the fact.

Example: I’m going home for Passover this weekend. Not really sure what I’m going to make yet, so unfortunately, I can’t give you great, original ES dishes to try at your family seder. But I will be able to report back, and hopefully give you some inspiration on what kosher food to make for the following days.

So far though, my mom has requested twice-baked potatoes, and I’m thinking I’ll spike mine, SAG’s and DAD GANSIE’s with some wasabi powder. (My mom is the plainest eater in the world, no wasabi for her. Actually, I say she has a “delicate pallet” because that’s the nicest way I can think of to say she won’t eat shit.) I’ve also requested steak for dinner, because it’ll only be the four of us for the first night.

When my aunt’s family comes over for the second seder, we’ll see what group-style meal we come up with - probably turkey or brisket. DAD GANSIE’s a huge proponent of the bird year round. I’ve been asking him to post his turkey soup for a long time now (hint, hint).

Oh, and clearly we’re making matzah ball soup.

Here, though, are some interesting kosher-for-passover recipes:

Fruited Quinoa Salad [Atlanta Journal-Constitution] (via 80P’s Mom)

Matzoh Lasagna [A Mighty Appetite]

Mediterranean Fish Cakes [Culinate, Zena Chew Collection]

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And please, totally send me your Passover suggestions

Photo: Charleston Heston as Moses

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