Fowl - - Page 17

by gansie

Endless Menus: An Elitist Thanksgiving

If you’re surely above eating hot dogs on Thanksgiving, and if you’re definitely not basting a turkey with Coke, you may be in the “I’m too good for Thanksgiving” camp. There are absolutely people out there that cook Tgiving-type meals every week. Ten courses for 20 people, peeleze! That’s cake. Here’s ES’ guide to a holier-than-thou day of thanks for our pretentious readers. We love you too.

To Start: Cheese Course

Sliced cheddar cheese—even if you milked the cow and curded the wheys (okay, not even sure if that’s right) yourself—will not do for an appetizer. You need something fit for royalty. Let me introduce you to fromage de Clon. A cheese so rare and regal, that it hasn’t been produced in 250 years. According to Gourmet,

Partly because of its saffron, partly because of its manufacture [lush green meadows of eastern France], Clon was uniquely esteemed and expensive. It appeared on the tables of Savoy and the kings of France and was found as far as the Vatican.

But then it mysteriously disappeared until just recently. Actually, its so trendy that you can’t even read Gourmet’s article online and if you google “fromage de Clon” you’ll mostly find French language sites. Or you can just call Europe for an order: 011-33-4-74-30-65-46. (Photo: Conseil général de l’Ain)

The Bird: Capon

An organic, free range, local turkey is simply not good enough for this discerning gastronome. No, it must be more than a bird favored by peasant America. Enter the capon. This rooster has been bred its whole life for a stately meal. A capon is castrated between 6-20 weeks, resulting in tender, plump flesh. And because they are not as active and therefore do not have the muscle mass of roosters, capons taste less gamey than the common bird. Order from your local farmers market. Better yet, make your pool boy do it. (Photo: Waspie Produce)

More ways to shame your guests into thinking you’re the shit…

by BS

Endless Menus: A Candy Fiend’s Thanksgiving

We’ve already told you how to put more meat in your turkey-day, but it’s also come to our attention over the years that many of you see Thanksgiving not as a holiday that needs baconing-up, but more as an extension of Halloween. From candied yams to maple-glazed turkeys, to sugar-coated green beans and of course, more desserts than would even be conceivable on any other day of the year, Thanksgiving is a great time to load up on the sweet treats. But how? That’s where we come to your rescue again, dear readers, with our Endless Menu for A Candy Fiend’s Thanksgiving:

Breakfast: Candy Turkey

I know a lot of people like to skip breakfast Thanksgiving morning in order to save room for the big meal. This is going about it all wrong. You’ve got to expand your tummy to get ready for the feast. Think of it as warming up for a big race. You’ve got to do some light eating first. So start the day off with a festive fruit snack, which instructables helpfully teaches us how to turn into a candy turkey.

The Bird: Coca-Cola Glazed Turkey

Everyone’s always looking for a glaze recipe that sets their turkey apart from the neighbor’s, and what glaze could be more American than Coca-Cola? Farmers haven’t figured out how to grow turkeys that taste like Coke just yet (I think the Texas State Fair is working on that one for next year), but thankfully, you can just douse your bird with the brown stuff before sticking it in the oven and it comes out all glistening and sweet. (Photo: bucklava)

The Side: Marshmallow Sweet Potatoes

Yeah, you people snickered at the Coca-Cola turkey, but then you remembered you already do this, huh? Picking up in the grand vegetable-hiding tradition where green bean casserole left off, sweet potatoes smothered in marshmallows is perhaps the most bizarre of all T-day traditions. Somehow, just because the spuds are a little sweet themselves, that suddenly makes it OK to top them sky-high with hoof-candy. Kinda odd logic, but you won’t hear us complaining. (Photo: kathryn_rotondo)

Follow the jump, sweet teeth…

in Desserts / Drinks / Fowl / Holiday 5 comments

by broadandpattison

Swallow Your Pride

A documentary film that satisfies your hunger

Wikipedia defines Wing Bowl as “an annual eating contest founded in 1993 by Philadelphia talk-radio hosts Al Morganti and Angelo Cataldi as a celebration of gluttony.” You read that right: “a celebration of gluttony.” Every year, on the Friday before the Super Bowl, 30,000 Philadelphians gather to watch 30 eaters compete in an annual wing-eating competition, the largest eating contest on the planet. The contestants’ names range from El Wingador to Yao Wing to Hank the Tank. They are escorted into an arena by beautiful wingettes who wear only enough clothing to cover a small Chihuahua and are cheered on by a crowd that had been tailgating since the night before. Oh, and the festivities begin around 5am.

Swallow Your Pride follows 6 contestants, who qualify for Wing Bowl by completing an eating stunt for the radio station that hosts the event – from 20 hot dogs in under 5 minutes to 2 lbs of raw dolphin – on their road to Wing Bowl. However, for the audience that yearns for outrageous live-eating footage, be patient, because the film moves way deeper than covering fat people eating enough for a small country.

in Contests / Fowl 8 comments

by BS

Endless Menus: A Meat Lover’s Thanksgiving

T-minus 10 days, people! Turkey day is almost upon us, and if we know our readers at all, you’re still nursing Halloween hangovers/post-Election giddiness and haven’t even begun to plan for the big feast.

So lucky for you, ES has come up with four delicious menus to guide you along. Now let’s be honest, there are enough effing sites on the Internet telling you how to brine a turkey and mash potatoes. And you probably know how to do all that shit anyway. But what about people who don’t want to do the same damn thing every year, who get sick of the same old sides, and don’t think adding rosemary to the stuffing counts as “mixing it up.” This one’s for you folks. Introducing Endless Menus.

One thing that’s always bothered me about Thanksgiving is that it doesn’t have nearly enough meat in it. For a celebration that claims to be the most American of holidays, it sure doesn’t include much of our favorite food group, does it? I mean, a giant bird and some vegetables? What country are you people living in? That’s not the America I know and love. For a truly pilgrim-loving Thanksgiving, toss the yams this year and cook up A Meat Lover’s Thanksgiving:

The Bird: Turkey Galantine

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you think you’re pretty badass for your annual turducken fry, dontcha? Big deal. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how to stuff a duck in a chicken in a turkey. Why don’t you try stuffing ham, pork, veal, tongue, truffles, nuts, and three eggs up that hole? Then you can talk. None other than James A. Beard himself brings us this retro recipe, which calls for stuffing so many effing things in that bird that you actually have to take out all the bones, and much of the turkey meat. He even pulls the turkey breasts out, marinates them in cognac, and then stuffs those fuckers back in. Now that’s a badass bird. (Photo: MizD)

The Inside: Spam Stuffing

Sausage stuffing? No, no, no, people Don’t you read the paper? Spam is in this year! And there’s no better way to spice up your stuffing than with the South Pacific treat. Gingerjoy says: “Your guests will be surprised that the tasty flavor actually comes from this ‘mystery meat.’ Yeeeeeeeaaah. We can’t say for sure if that is good surprised or bad surprised, but we think we have an idea. Apologies to ninjapoodles for using your stock stuffing photo, but there is no known documentation of actual Spam Stuffing.

The Spuds: Bacon Mashed Potatoes

We’ve said it once, we’ll say it again, and we won’t stop saying it until we keel over face down in a pool of our own grease: There is nothing bacon can’t improve. And while mashed potatoes were pretty goshdarn good to begin with, the golden rule holds true here. It turns out quite a few folks have thought of this, but we’re particularly partial to Bon Appetit’s Bacon and Buttermilk Mashed Potatoes, because hey, you’re putting bacon in it, why not go for buttermilk too? A little lard couldn’t hurt anyone either. (Photo: Incase Design)

More meat-y menu ideas after the J.

in Bacon / Cheese / Fowl / Holiday / Pig / Veggie 8 comments

by BS

Who Cooked It Better: Thanksgiving Turkeys

We know, we know, Halloween isn’t even over yet. But for serious foodies, it’s time to start thinking about the bigger picture. One of the best parts of fall is waiting for our November issues of the food mags to arrive, and seeing what kind of ridiculous, over-the-top spins they suggest we put on turkey this year. I mean, come on, it’s turkey. Everyone does it the same, right? Wrong! Check out what Gourmet and Bon Appetit have in store for your bacon-addled, fruit-enhanced T-Day this year:

On the left is Gourmet’s entry: Plum-glazed roast turkey with spinach, bacon, and cashew stuffing, and plum gravy. Yes, that’s right, Gourmet managed to turn “roast turkey” into a full 13 words. Since one of those words is bacon, we’re intrigued. On the other hand, the plum jam/Chinese five spice glaze sounds a little intense for good ol’ turkey. Check out the full recipe here.

Bon App, meanwhile, keeps it to a mere five words this year with their roast heritage turkey with cider gravy. But don’t worry, they incorporate the B-word in the form of bacon, dijon, and herb butter slipped under the bird’s skin. Mmmm. The rest of it is way more traditional, with a cider gravy base and an apple-veggie dressing. Points for restraining themselves. Although, like Gourmet, no explanation for why there has to be random fruit on the serving platter. Full recipe over this-a-way.

So, which fancy-pants advice will you be following this November?

[poll id=”26″]

in Bacon / Fowl / Holiday / Pig / Recipe 5 comments

by 80 Proof

Artsy Photo of the Day

Who knew a beer up the butt tasted so good (explanation after the jump…)

in Fowl / Photos 12 comments

by BS

Feed Us Back: Comments of the Week

– Gansie’s upcoming televised debut is causing quit the stir, with passions flaming between the pro- and anti- pot chicken pie people:

Mike Donlon: I am going to vote regular and often (it is allowed). CHICKEN POT PIE

Not Cooking: Pot Pie is a baked-good and a poor measure of COOKING ability. Booo.

With 71 votes in, lasagna has just inched ahead of chicken pot pie, and mac ‘n’ cheese is making a strong move as well. There are 3 days left to vote, so head over to Capital Cooking Show and weigh in.

– In other voting news, it’s a dead heat between the Greek Gazpacho and the Avocado-Sesame Gazpacho in our weekly Who Cooked it Better? Meanwhile, JoeHoya points out some further craziness:

Best gazpacho of all? Poste’s version with heirloom tomatoes from their courtyard garden, a sprinkling of black salt and a dollop of dijon ice cream in the bowl – hands down.

– But the singular Comment of the Week Award has to go to ES contributor/poet laureate Maidelitala for her flowery description of gansie’s latest runny egg yolk photography:

the glistening deep-vermilion of the tomato/

the coy curl of the shaved scallions/

the erotic gooeyness of a scarcely running yoke.

That’s some haiku shit right there! Way to raise the commenting bar, Maidelitala. And while we’re at it, a very happy birthday to our favorite veggie lactard from the entire ES community.

Photo: Roland

in Contests / Eggs / Fowl / Photos 0 comments