Endless Simmer - A Food Blog

My little sister, Sherry, just turned 21. Turning 21 is like a national fucking holiday, well at least with team gansie. My mom was so nervous about her doing something stupid that she couldn’t sleep the entire weekend. We’re that serious about our *legal* drinking. So for her birthday, I knew her friends would be supplying all the alcohol she needed, so I thought I could provide some sustenance.

As we all know, I can’t bake for shit. Well, that’s actually a lie. It’s unclear (well, until you read this post) if I can bake or not. It’s not that I can’t bake for shit, I just never never never bake.

Anyway, for the love of my sister, I decided to try my hand at the oven. Last time I sent her something - rice krispie treats - they were a total pain in the ass, but turned out well (I mean, they’re pretty foolproof.) This time I really wanted to challenge myself.

I’m not really friends with many bakers, except for DAD GANSIE and Mo Green. So I asked the two of them for some suggestions. I also emailed my high school ex-boyfriend’s mom. She’s an amazing baker, and I think the last time I made chocolate chip cookies was with her, like a decade ago. I asked her to think of something I could make that was

1. easy
2. delicious
3. would travel well.

And then Mrs. A had the brilliant idea of a GIANT COOKIE! The giant cookie cake would be

1. easy, it’s just like making regular cookies
2. clearly be tasty - its a cookie!
3. stay moister than separate cookies because there would be less surface area exposed to air

She also suggested that I buy a pizza round pan to bake the cookie on and to stop by my local pizza place (if only I still lived in Jersey…) to use one of their pizza boxes to ship the cookie. Fortunately, I’m a lazy shit and never threw out the big William Sonoma box from one of my birthday presents a month earlier, so I used that instead.

Take the jump to find out about my adventures in baking.

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I know you all spent your weekend banging your heads on the table trying to guess mystery meal. Some of you got pretty close on the outside layer. Unfortunately, no one got remotely close what is on the inside. But now your long wait is over, after the jump…

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Like I said in my first Passover post, I wouldn’t be getting any timely recipes to you. And as the holiday ended yesterday I’m just getting you a little something.

Now I have to say, this wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever eaten. But the below video will surely excite you.

The fairly common Matzah Brie (fried matzah) is like our answer to french toast. The matzah is torn in to pieces, soaked in water to soften, then the water is drained out as much as possible. Next, mix the matzah with eggs and milk. A lot of people make this sweet like french toast and add cinnamon and nutmeg and once fried, cover in *kosher for Passover* syrup. But I like my breakfast on the savory side: I seasoned it with salt and freshly ground black pepper and when it was fried, I topped it with cream cheese, raw onion and lox. I based it on this recipe.

The tricky part though, is flipping this creation so the top side is equally cooked and browned.

Check out DAD GANSIE as he flips the shit out of our matzah brie. This is best watched with volume.

Camera Works: gansie

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I’ve never been a ginormous fan of yuca. I’m not sure why, it just hasn’t come up that much. The only time I really ever see it on menus is as a side at Hispanic restaurants, but there’s usually a choice between that and either plantains or french fries, so I don’t think I’ve ever ordered it. No disrespect to the yuca, but that is some tough competition.

However, last time I was down in D.C. we all went to dinner at Mayorga Cafe, where there were no plantains or french fries at all, and the yuca fries were the only fried starchy goodness to be had. And let me tell you, they sure made me forget about french fries for the evening. Golden-crispy, not too oily, and with just a little more actual taste than spuds, I was hooked.

So even though I had NO idea how to cook with these, I grabbed one on a whim last time I was at the food co-op.

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As most of you know, Passover is the time of year when Jews celebrate the liberation of the Israelites from slavery. Our ancestors had no time to leaven their bread before fleeing Egypt, so in their honor we forgo fluffy dinner rolls in favor of dry and flat matzah.

Now here’s what I don’t get - I love me some baguettes and brioches, but unleavened bread can be fantastic in its own right. Tortillas, flatbreads, crackers - none of these things need to rise, yet they are all way more delicious than simplistic and flour-heavy matzah. So yeah, I can handle unleavened bread, but why can’t we go with a more exciting variety? Naan? Roti? Ritz crackers? Wheat Thins? One of Rachael Ray’s crazy triscuit concoctions? What about pita? That one’s even Jewish. OK, so maybe I’m no rabbinical student, but as far as I can tell, each of these types of unleavened bread would make for an infinitely more exciting Seder table than matzah, without technically breaking the rules.

Many people claim to love matzah, but it’s more likely they really just love whatever tasty topping they put on matzah to cover up its meh flavor. Because it tastes like nothing, you can really put anything on it. There’s the grade-school-nostalgic peanut-butter-and-jelly matzah, the bagel-imitating everything matzah, even fancy-pants smothered-in-nutella matzah. In an attempt to unite my Irish and Jewish heritage, sometimes I spread an ample serving of Kerrygold over matzah. It’s delicious, but of course it’s really just the butter I love. There’s even a Passover game where the adults hide the matzah throughout the house and the kids spend the evening searching for it. Honestly, I think everyone’s hoping it never gets found.

Seriously people, if we ever want to be as big as the Christian holidays, we’re gonna have to come up with more than this second-rate Easter egg hunt. I mean, these people have Cadbury’s creme eggs for Christ’s sake - we can’t compete with that! I’m not trying to offend anyone, but it’s been a few thousand years now, and we really need to come up with a more exciting matzah.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold the phone. Forget everything I just said. I’m getting word that matzah can be made into candy. A-mazing.

Explanation after the jump.

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Those of you who read my interview with John McCain on Monday may have noticed his evasive “no comment” answer when I quizzed him on his wife Cindy’s passion fruit mousse recipe. Well it turns out I should have dug deeper into this story because the mousse has become a major campaign scandal!

As The Huffington Post reported yesterday, not a single one of Cindy McCain’s “family recipes” featured on the McCain website were actually original recipes, but instead cut-and-pasted versions of FoodNetwork.com recipes from Rachael Ray and Giada! Oh, Cindy!

The McCain campaign has responded swiftly and forcefully, removing the offending recipes from his website and firing an intern who they are blaming the whole mess on. (In response, Endless Simmer has fired our own intern for failing to uncover this aspect of the story.)

But now, HuffPost is reporting that Cindy also submitted the “original recipe” to a New York Sun article back in January. Guess they’ll have to blame that one on the intern too.

As you can see from the press conference photo above, McCain is standing by his wife for now - but it’s anyone’s guess how long he’ll be able to hold on before throwing Cindy under the bus as well.

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One of my biggest challenges when cooking is being creative in the kitchen. When it comes to following a recipe I’ve got it down; I can pretty much replicate someone else’s dish to the smallest detail. However, when it comes to creating a dish with the random ingredients in my kitchen, I’m at a loss. Due to my lack of creative juices I try to put my own spin on the things I cook, I’ll copy a recipe but make a few changes. I figured this a great way of teaching myself how to be a better cook so hopefully one day I wont be following the leader.

A few weeks back I was in New York and decided to pay a visit to Top Chef alum, Dave Martin’s Crave on 42nd. It’s not a bad restaurant if you like your food sweet! Everything was coated in either sugar or cinnamon; the sugar high upon leaving was unbelievable. But Dave’s signature black truffle mac n’ cheese was amazing and I knew I had to recreate this.

On the bus ride back I was perusing Food & Wine magazine and came across this white chocolate coated grapes with an orange curd from Citronelle DC’s, Michel Richard. I knew I had a meal in the making.

Luckily, I had just been asked to cater my boss’ baby shower — a perfect opportunity to experiment with these two new recipes. Although I couldn’t stick my boss with the bill for the pricey black truffles, I did manage to find a worthy substitute.

The recipes and pictures after the jump.

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We don’t get much baking done here at Endless Simmer. It’s not that we don’t have a collective sweet tooth (we sure do), it’s just that with all the measuring and timing and instruction-following, baking doesn’t quite fit into the creativity-fueled anarchy that guides our cooking world view. It takes so much discipline, attention, and, I don’t know, skill. Not for me.

Fortunately, Alex is much more of a patient, science-y type, which balances out well. She broke out the baking soda and measuring cups this weekend to throw together this chocolate cake while I made chiles rellenos.

Kind of a brownie kicked up a few notches, the cake isn’t as chocolate-y as it looks, with just a little cocoa powder going a long way, and the surprising addition of oatmeal keeping it rich and moist. Hmm…I’d tell you more about it, but again, don’t really know about baking. Regardless, it’s delicious and not too complicated.

The recipe, from Alex’s pal Eliza, and another vanity shot, after the j.

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Editors Note: This is going to be a long Editors Note, way too long for all italics.

Hi, it’s gansie. So I really do hate when a blogger starts getting, um, well new gigs and writes incessantly about the new gigs and stops writing about what you originally came to the blog for. Here’s an example. This is all to say, of course, that I am going to talk about myself and my new gig as a famous person.

Last weekend I was asked to be a JUDGE for a contest. Yes, me, a judge. ES’s good friend, Britannia, passed my name along to be the food judge for the third annual Progressive Dinner. (Full Dis - In order to make this contest fair, Brit decided to stop commenting and posting for the duration of the contest planning.)

But this night was way more than just a dinner. It’s 120 gay men, spending close to 10 thousand dollars, enjoying a night of: eating, drinking, dancing, lip syncing, decorating, and wearing itty bitty underwear-as-outwear. It was fucking amazing. Luckily my sister was in town to be my “assistant” as I ate my way through the night.

Continue to read about the actual food.

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