Endless Simmer - A Food Blog

It’s an urban legend among roommate disaster stories. Roommate #1 goes to neighborhood takeout joint. Orders smelliest thing on menu. Brings home, consumes half during Lost marathon, puts in fridge. Roommate #2 comes home, sniffs something rank, assumes rotten meat in fridge, throws out stinky leftovers. Passive aggressive notes ensue. Roommate tension escalates. Both move out. And it all started with a smelly dish.

DC has many choices of incredibly smelly, yet unbelievably tasty takeout. Everyone has come across this fare in some form. It’s the food with the stench that is embedded in your car during the five minute drive from the curry shop to your couch (car fresheners don’t come in Lamb Korma). The meal that when consumed at the desk causes coworkers’ eyes to water. The food that may smell better coming out than going in. But in the battle between taste buds and nose, taste triumphs. Meet the pungent posse of yummy DC takeout food.

Honorable Mention: O Jing A Bukom, Adam Express
This nondescript takeout place in Mt. Pleasant may look like any of the many forgettable Chinese joints that dot the DC landscape (sorry YUMS and Dannys). But one step inside this place and you are greeted with an extensive Korean menu, smiling owners, and the succulent stench of food. While everything in this tasty hole-in-the-wall has an aroma, only the daring need to order the stinkiest of all smelly foods: O Jing A Bukom. Broiled squid and vegetables sautéed in a spicy sauce with an odor more ferocious than the villain in Twenty Thousand Leagues. But man, is it good. The fresh chili spicy sauce is the perfect accompaniment to the perfectly grilled seafood. If the squid isn’t malodorous enough, Adam Express kindly includes a side of Kimchi (pickled cabbage) to raise the smelly stakes.
Adam Express, 3211 Mt Pleasant St NW, Washington, DC 20010, (202) 328-0010

4th Place: Garlic Knots, Valentino’s, Alexandria
New York pizza enthusiasts love Valentino’s for its authentic pies. But look beyond the main course for an appetizer that will surely singe the senses. This adored takeout joint takes pizza dough and bakes it with herbs, spices, olive oil, and Kilimanjaro-size mountain of garlic. Valentino’s creation heads a thousand knots into Garlic Land (Candyland’s much less profitable successor). The flavor is perfectly spiced, fragrant goodness, and the bread is warm and generously greasy, but the fumes give off a garlic sauna. Perfect for John Carpenter or Vampire Weekend fans, or for one of the Coreys in The Lost Boys. Not at all good for first dates.
Valentino’s, 4813 Beauregard St, Alexandria, VA 2232, (703) 354-8383

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With the NCAA basketball tournament tipping off this afternoon, America’s brightest young minds are poised to spend the next month doing what they do best: getting drunk and yelling at television screens. When all the blood, sweat, tears - and beer - are swept off the court, the nation’s 18 million college students will be left in search of one thing: some grease to soak it all up.

While you were finalizing your bracket picks, Endless Simmer carefully evaluated the tournament field to compile this list of the tournament’s Top 10 Colleges - ranked by the drunk food they have to offer their hungry, hungry students. Eat that, U.S. News and World Report.

10. University of Wisconsin - Mac ‘n Cheese Pizza

Photo: J&J Blog

Oh maaaan, I need some pizza. Cheesy pizza. Mmmm, cheese. No, wait, I want mac and cheese. Oooh! Pizza with mac and cheese on top! That’s what I want.

If you have ever said or heard a statement like this, you are almost certainly a drunk college student. Also, you probably live in Wisconsin.

The Badgers may have been dissed by the selection committee (29-4 can’t get you a no #2 seed??) but Wisconsin never was as good at sports as they are at creative use of cheese. Madison drunks flock to Ian’s Pizza for this gooey, magnificent creation that just couldn’t come from any other state.

9. Rutgers - Fat Darell

Photo: AP

Don Imus’ not-so-favorite team is back in the women’s tourney as a Number 2 seed, while the Rutgers men were sent packing after a miserable season at the bottom of the Big East.

But don’t feel too bad for the Scarlet Knights - they can always console themselves back on campus with a Jersey summer full of Fat Darrells, a behemoth of a sandwich that solves the drunk’s eternal dilemma of “Do I want chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, or French fries?”

The answer: a resounding “all three,” piled high on a sub role and topped off with marinara sauce. I’d tell you more about it but I’m a little short of breath and I feel a painful shooting sensation in my arm.

8. Purdue - The Duane Purvis All-American

Photo: Flick User Horsepj

You can be forgiven if you didn’t know the name of Purdue’s All-American half-back/full-back from their undefeated 1932 football team. But you should damn well know the burger that bears his name.

The Triple XXX Family Restaurant in West Lafayette, Indiana serves up this decidedly unwholesome Boilermaker classic: 100% sirloin patty with lettuce, tomato, pickle, Spanish onions, and….wait for it…peanut butter. Only a drunk or Elvis - perhaps only a drunk Elvis - could fully appreciate this brilliance.

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It’s been a long, strange road for Mike Huckabee, but in the end, the previously portly pastor just couldn’t make the grade. He may have been short on money, he may not have delivered on those miracles he promised us, but you can say this for Mike Huckabee: it’s hard to imagine Hillary, Obama or McCain kicking back with a tasty snack of popcorn squirrel.

Stay tuned for more news on the ES endorsement front.

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Happy President’s Day!

You might be wondering what the above photo has to do with POTUS Day, and if you are, blame it on your nursery school teacher. My mom manages 17 three year olds on a daily basis. And when I say manage I mean she sings with them, ties their shoes, leads circle time, helps them with crafts, feeds them snacks (NO PEANUTS!), and of course, teaches them. AKA - comes home with a headache every day.

Nursery school lessons are boiled down to the basics. (I won’t even get into the way they teach Thanksgiving.) Anyway, here is the tasty treat that the kiddies made to commemorate our very noble, very honest, very judicious country leaders.

And one note, every year dad gansie comes to my mom’s classroom to help out with this messiest and yummiest of crafts. I guess the children think my dad is the original G-Dubs.

Lincoln’s Log Cabin Republicans

Place a shoe box open side down and cover with aluminum foil.

(dad gansie and unidentified pre-schooler)

With a plastic knife spread vanilla icing on all sides of a pretzel log. Stick on shoe box.

Bonus points: create windows and doors with broken pieces of pretzel.

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Williamsburg Alewerks - Williamsburg, VA
“400″ [Imperial Brown] Ale
Approximately 6.5% ABV

Can you believe it’s been 400 years since Captain John Smith traded goods with the Nanticokes, and traded arrows and musket balls with the Algonquins on his trip up the Chesapeake Bay? …seems like yesterday that he and the others struck out from Jamestown to seek passage to the Pacific in their low-draft shallop. Anywho, Williamsburg Alewerks brewed up a limited edition brown ale to commemorate the founding of Jamestown and the subsequent plundering of America’s land and people. Hurrah!

But don’t take my word for it, the cutesy write-up on the classy painted label says it all:

“400″ Ale commemorates the founding of the first Virginia Settlement and with it, the founding of the American brewing industry. Beer was an essential component of everyday life in Jamestown, only the security and shelter provided by the triangular shaped fort and cultivation of edible (no doubt including barley) crops outranked the production of beer in importance. Fresh water flowing in local streams and the recently excavated well provided a source of potable water, but beer and other “processed liquids, primarily beer” were preferred drinks.
This ale, like the ales of the time, is brown in color. This beer may be more robust than 18th century brews, a liberty we chose to take. How could we possibly do justice to so important an event of 400 years ago, with anything other than a truly robust, full flavored contemporary “Imperial Brown Ale.” Cheers.

Trebuch le jump for details and opinions on this anniversary ale.

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I’m a Carolina bar-b-que guy. …pig butts, unseasoned, pit cooked, finely chopped, and seasoned with a little vinegar and, maybe, a few spices. Memphis, Kansas City, and Texas all have something great going for ‘em. If you hit the right places, they make some excellent beef and pork, especially ribs, but it ain’t BBQ. For god sakes, half those places cook in indoor ovens. Folks, if it’s cooked in an oven, it ain’t BBQ.

But hell, everyone has their vices. And Lord knows I have mine. And while my favorite BBQ place is in the land of Dixie, does pitt [sic] cook their pork, and is a classic road-food stop, they do break an important law of NC BBQ …the tomato. Any respectable Carolina bar-b-que lover will tell you that tomatoes have no place in traditional BBQ sauce. But hey, we’re a progressive lot, and I think we all know that sometimes innovation simply trumps tradition. Continue after the jump to find out what the hell I’m rambling about.

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Old Domion Brewing Co. - Ashburn, VA
Winter Brew 2007 / Holiday IPA
6.6% ABV

DC’s first snow storm has come and gone. But the Canadians aren’t through yet. They’re shipping another icy cold front our way, scheduled to hit with the classic mid-atlantic wintry mix. So, I’m gonna hold off on the regular old IPA review I was gonna do to fill you in on another winter ale. Check out the first paragraph of my Harpoon Winter Warmer Brewview for my opine on winter beers.

I’ve chosen a local winter ale… Old Dominion’s Winter Brew 2007. For those not familiar, Old Dominion is a brewery located in Ashburn the f*cking suburbs of VA. Why would you move 25 miles away from the city to live in a condo!?!? “Because I am an idiot in search of a life where nothing ever happens and I’m frightened of young, black men, and I hate traffic even though I am the paramount cause of it.” Uhh, I digress. Anyway, my experience with the 2007 Winter Brew begins with a six-pack I picked up at Whole Foods in Tenleytown, poured into a heavy 14oz glass mug. I rarely, if ever, feel comfortable reviewing a beer on my first introduction, so this is the probably the 3rd or 4th one I’ve tried it (no, not in the same night). Drunk is awesome, but not for reviews.

The color: is a transparent cherry amber. Thin head forms and falls to a film in a couple minutes. Minimal lacing. BTW, lacing is the act of foam sticking to the sides of your beverage vehicle. It’s an indication of the carbonation and retention of the brew, which may or may not indicate quality. Soap film from hand-washing your dishes, or using a crappy dishwasher, will ruin head, retention, and lacing. Now, say in your head, “Who cares?” Ok, let’s proceed.

The smell: is heavy on the malt up front, followed by strong citrusy hops. Which is exactly what comes through on the first taste. I sensed some coffee and cherries in the background, but it’s probably attributable to roasted malt and the intense citrus hops. Complex flavors are great, but you know, they aren’t supposed to clash with one another. This is not the first time I’ve had it, and I have since warmed up to this beer, which I was initially disappointed with. Also, I was happy to find out that the flavors effectively mask 6.6% ABV, just enough of a kick to warm your trunk on a cold winter nacht.

Mouthfeel: is good, bit high on the carbonation. But the heavier viscosity works - and matches the depth - of this conundrum of a winter amber ipa.

All-in-all: this is a good beer, one that’s definitely grown on me, but I think it’s a bit confused about it’s style.

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As we may have mentioned a few times, the ES crew spent the past week at a beach house in the Outer Banks with 16 or so of our closest friends. 80 proof, gansie and I drove down together because we’re the coolest because no one wanted to hear us rattle on about our blog for 7 hours. And look! We even passed this swimming pool store that makes a pun on our blog name - I had no idea we were so big in the Carolinas.

In addition to such stressful tasks as foosball, lying on the beach, and mixing drinks, we obviously spent plenty of time talking about food and cooking. We have a whole backlog of stories to share, so I thought I would get the ball rolling with this outstanding recipe from our good deep-fried southern friend Thresher. He took the philosophy behind fried green tomatoes and cooked up some eggplant that is deliciously unhealthy enough to make Paula Deen go veggie. Recipe after the jump. FullDis - I guesstimated the measurements after watching Thresher cook it up.

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Dear Loyal Readers,

Just a quick note to let you know the ES crew has flown the coop for a couple of days of fun in the sun in Cape Hatteras, North Carolina. We promise to return later in the week with many tales of fresh seafood, BBQ and regional North Carolina beers (just a few). Please try to suffer through your workday without our constant presence.

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