The Washington, D.C. Smelliest Takeout Awards

Posted on April 4th, 2008 in Reviews: DC, BBQ, Asian, Cheese, Dixie, Indian, Italian by pinch of minch

smell.jpgIt’s an urban legend among roommate disaster stories. Roommate #1 goes to neighborhood takeout joint. Orders smelliest thing on menu. Brings home, consumes half during Lost marathon, puts in fridge. Roommate #2 comes home, sniffs something rank, assumes rotten meat in fridge, throws out stinky leftovers. Passive aggressive notes ensue. Roommate tension escalates. Both move out. And it all started with a smelly dish.

DC has many choices of incredibly smelly, yet unbelievably tasty takeout. Everyone has come across this fare in some form. It’s the food with the stench that is embedded in your car during the five minute drive from the curry shop to your couch (car fresheners don’t come in Lamb Korma). The meal that when consumed at the desk causes coworkers’ eyes to water. The food that may smell better coming out than going in. But in the battle between taste buds and nose, taste triumphs. Meet the pungent posse of yummy DC takeout food.

Honorable Mention: O Jing A Bukom, Adam Express
This nondescript takeout place in Mt. Pleasant may look like any of the many forgettable Chinese joints that dot the DC landscape (sorry YUMS and Dannys). But one step inside this place and you are greeted with an extensive Korean menu, smiling owners, and the succulent stench of food. While everything in this tasty hole-in-the-wall has an aroma, only the daring need to order the stinkiest of all smelly foods: O Jing A Bukom. Broiled squid and vegetables sautéed in a spicy sauce with an odor more ferocious than the villain in Twenty Thousand Leagues. But man, is it good. The fresh chili spicy sauce is the perfect accompaniment to the perfectly grilled seafood. If the squid isn’t malodorous enough, Adam Express kindly includes a side of Kimchi (pickled cabbage) to raise the smelly stakes.
Adam Express, 3211 Mt Pleasant St NW, Washington, DC 20010, (202) 328-0010

Adams Express in Washington

4th Place: Garlic Knots, Valentino’s, Alexandria
New York pizza enthusiasts love Valentino’s for its authentic pies. But look beyond the main course for an appetizer that will surely singe the senses. This adored takeout joint takes pizza dough and bakes it with herbs, spices, olive oil, and Kilimanjaro-size mountain of garlic. Valentino’s creation heads a thousand knots into Garlic Land (Candyland’s much less profitable successor). The flavor is perfectly spiced, fragrant goodness, and the bread is warm and generously greasy, but the fumes give off a garlic sauna. Perfect for John Carpenter or Vampire Weekend fans, or for one of the Coreys in The Lost Boys. Not at all good for first dates.
Valentino’s, 4813 Beauregard St, Alexandria, VA 2232, (703) 354-8383

Valentino's New York Style in Alexandria

Bay of Pigs

Posted on January 22nd, 2008 in BBQ, Fast Food, Reviews by Tim

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This past weekend, the lady and I headed out for a Saturday drive. We made a bee line for Point Lookout, MD, a sentinel’s post overlooking the conflux of the Potomac and Chesapeake. You can’t see across the Bay there, Cherry Island being the nearest land fifteen miles to the East with the actual Eastern Shore a full twenty-four miles away. The Potomac is nearly as broad, the southern end of the river’s mouth, South Point, a whopping eleven miles distant. We were lucky enough to catch a wild snow falling when we arrived, a truly beautiful sight. Anyway, enough about nature, this article’s supposed to be about our lunch.

We were hungry when we left home. We were excited to hit Point Lookout, but our sights (and stomachs) were set squarely on Bear Creek Open Pit BBQ. I read about this place on Jane and Michael Stern’s greasy spoon bible, www.roadfood.com. Stern’s description of the ten foot by ten foot indoor brick pit left no question of where to stop for lunch. It was in plain view when we walked in the door, ten or fifteen pounds of pork slow-cooking on the massive steel grates. My God, it was beautiful. Details on the food postule-jumpule.

Pitt of my Stomach

Posted on January 17th, 2008 in BBQ, Fast Food, Reviews, Dixie by Tim

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I’m a Carolina bar-b-que guy. …pig butts, unseasoned, pit cooked, finely chopped, and seasoned with a little vinegar and, maybe, a few spices. Memphis, Kansas City, and Texas all have something great going for ‘em. If you hit the right places, they make some excellent beef and pork, especially ribs, but it ain’t BBQ. For god sakes, half those places cook in indoor ovens. Folks, if it’s cooked in an oven, it ain’t BBQ.

But hell, everyone has their vices. And Lord knows I have mine. And while my favorite BBQ place is in the land of Dixie, does pitt [sic] cook their pork, and is a classic road-food stop, they do break an important law of NC BBQ …the tomato. Any respectable Carolina bar-b-que lover will tell you that tomatoes have no place in traditional BBQ sauce. But hey, we’re a progressive lot, and I think we all know that sometimes innovation simply trumps tradition. Continue after the jump to find out what the hell I’m rambling about.