Step 1: Cut a hole in the box. Or the can…which is apparently Miller’s genius idea of improving their beer and bringing it to the next level. Which ML and I decided to test out at one of her summer extravaganzas. The [presumed] thinking in the logic behind a “punch top” can is to increase the flow. The tagline: “smoother pour with less glug.” That’s great, but how does it match up to the “smooth pour” of shotgunning a beer?
Well, as consumer reporters, we’re here to tell you.
*A baseline was taken before the comparison to ensure integrity of the following study. Procedures including a large amount of beer to the point of buzzed and/or drunkenness. The drinking consisted of only using the typical can of beer.
First test: the punch top
ML: It poured out so quickly and uncontrollably that I got beer all over myself and started choking. Fail.
Snebbu: I’m going to be honest here…ML’s uncontrollable spillage and choking could be more attributed to her drunkenness than the punch top. However, I will say the punch top gave a bit more of a smooth pour than a typical can of piss. I mean…Light Beer.
Second test: the shotgun
ML: I’d never shotgunned a beer before (that I can remember?) and I was promptly yelled at by snebbu for stabbing the can too near the bottom.
Snebbu: Well that was pretty obvious (see figure 2). It’s okay though, since I forgot a couple steps of the process, as it sprayed ML in good fun.
ML: I didn’t notice the beer shower, as I was mainly concerned with sucking the beer out of my can. The shotgun may be more messy, but this was way easier for me to handle than accidental drowning via the punch top.
Snebbu: I finished the beer at least twice as quickly (yes those are scientific terms) as I did the punch top —so my vote is the shotgun. The punch top is just as much of a gimmick as the Coors cans that tell you when they are cold (in case you couldn’t figure it out by holding the DAMN CAN!).