Your Mom’s So Fat, She Wrapped Her Burger in Bacon
I’m shocked to be alive and writing this to you. Not only did I somehow survive the liver assault that is SXSW, but I also survived the most intense burger I’ve ever eaten.
Your Mom’s Burgers in East Austin specializes in cute language (condiments are called “bling”) and huge burger patties stuffed with all sorts of rich deliciousness, named after celebrities. After an afternoon of day drinking in the sun, I was starving and ready for some meaty indulgence.
I treated my arteries to the Willie Nelson: a 1/2lb burger stuffed with American cheese, tossed in honey BBQ sauce, wrapped in bacon, topped in a giant onion ring, covered in more special BBQ sauce, and served between two slabs of Texas toast. A cross shot:
And how was it? AMAZINGLY GOOD. I ate the whole thing. It was probably like three animals’ worth of meat. I’m telling myself it was “energy” to get through the weekend. Of course, since this is conscientious Austin, even the most lascivious burger is healthy and humane (their beef: no hormones, no antibiotics, vegetarian-fed, humanely raised) so that just gives me one more reason to feel good about stuffing my face full of cow.
If you need a break from your meatathon, check out the fries. They were some of the best I’ve had in awhile.
I love my mother very much, and she is a wonderful home cook, but sorry, Mom — you NEVER made me burgers like this!