Top 10 Things I Ate in College That I’ll Never Eat Again

5. Olestra Chips

I seriously thought these were so good. So good. And fat-free! I personally never had an issue with any of the, uh, drawbacks, if you will, of the Olestra, so I figured, “How bad can it be?” And there were so many flavors! My personal favorite was the Doritos flavor. My then boyfriend (now husband) and I even joked about opening up our very own Olestra-themed restaurant! Imagine, all of your favorite fried foods — fish and chips, fries, onion rings, fried chicken — guilt free! Too bad Olestra turned out to be evil – even banned in Canada and the UK. Our dreams for a fat-free fried restaurant — smashed. Knowing what I know now I wouldn’t eat these again – but I will admit, they were good while they lasted.

4. Flaming Shots

Because I value my eyebrows. I guess the “I’m INVINCIBLE!” feeling has worn off. And yes, I realize now that you’re supposed to blow out the flame or whatever before you drink it. (Photo by Brian9000)

3.  Ice Cream for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner

If you eat strawberry ice cream for breakfast, does that count as a serving of fruit? Whoever thought giving college freshmen unlimited access to a self-serve freezer full of ice cream at every meal did not have their thinking cap on. And it was good ice cream, too – McConnell’s! Peppermint stick, pumpkin pie, egg nog — this is the good stuff — can you blame me for eating it for every meal? (Photo by sea turtle)

2.  2 for $1 Jack in the Box Tacos

If you’ve never had a Jack in the Box “taco” (and I use the term “taco” very, very loosely), you may not understand my intense aversion to them; if you have had one, you’ll understand. A simultaneously soggy and stale tortilla filled with unidentifiable meat paste, an American cheese slice, soggy iceberg and hot sauce – at the low, low price of $0.50 each! But when it’s 2 am (Jack in the Box is open 24 hours, perfect for the after-the-club munchies), you’ve got $1.06 in pennies and nickels in your dashboard ashtray, and you’ve got the metabolism of a greyhound, Jack in the Box tacos start looking pretty good. (photo by queenkv)

1. Kraft Macaroni & Cheese…Made With Strawberry Yogurt

This one tops my list because it’s vile. There’s no debate here, it’s not like I’m insulting something that someone somewhere considers a delicacy. It’s just gross. But what would you have done? It’s 3am, copious amounts of Popov have been imbibed, and no one’s willing to go in on a pizza. There’s a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese — perfect. So I forget to check and see if I have butter and/or milk – no biggie. I’ve got strawberry yogurt. The fat-free kind. That’ll do. But no amount of alcohol really makes this okay, and after a few bites I gave up and went to bed (most likely leaving it to decay on my desk). I swear I wasn’t this disgusting my entire life — this is what happens when you allow hundreds of 18-year-old college freshmen to live together in one building basically unsupervised.

So share with me. What tops your list of the Top 10 Things I Ate in College That I’d Never Eat Again?

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  • Ruby September 28, 2011  

    I would add to that list pizza that’s been sitting on the coffee table for four days.

  • erica September 28, 2011  

    omg, i’ve had used plain water before strawberry yogurt! you’re brave!

  • ML September 28, 2011  


  • Aly September 28, 2011  

    You must have gone to UCSB, because I too am a victim of the late night cravings for Woodstock’s (of course we’d get the frosted one which at the time was called crazy bread, as well as an order of the wild bread). Both are terrible for you but totally delicious.

    We were also dangerously close to Freebirds (within blocks), and frequently found ourselves ordering late night burritos and quesadillas. I guess that’s what happens when your food is super cheap, really tasty, and open 24 hours!

  • Jessica September 28, 2011  

    erica – Is it bad that until you mentioned that I never considered water?

    Aly – Yesss, I lived a few blocks from Freebirds, too. Woodstock’s wild bread was a magical thing – of course you have to do the double dip into both marinara and ranch. The Cinnabread makes my teeth hurt just thinking about it.

  • Emily September 28, 2011  

    I used to love all-you-can-eat sushi when I went to college in California, and I can loudly and proudly say NEVER AGAIN. I’ll pay for quality over quantity now.

    Also, I lived off Taco Bell bean burritos in college… I would like to say things are different now, but I would hate to lie to my beloved fellow bloggers. I mean it’s no Freebirds, but it is a step above JitB tacos. (Right guys? Right?)

  • Borracho September 29, 2011  

    There are so many things that could be on this list though I love your choices! For me spaghettio’s would definitely make my list, especially since we didn’t have a can opener and typically opened the can by stabbing it with a butter knife and slurping out the unheated contents

  • Abby September 30, 2011  

    In defense of bread-in-a-can: I’m from Maine where brown bread is a pantry staple. On the contrary to your comment about raisins, I always opt for the plain kind and never got into the one with raisins (it’s not the traditional type and isn’t seen often in Maine). I eat it in thick slices, warmed up and slathered in butter with afternoon tea. It’s hard to find brown bread in grocery stores around Philly, which I live now, so I have my Dad mail me packages of brown bread and always bring some back with me when I go visit.

    When you make it yourself, it’s actually supposed to be made in a can. The bread steams in a water bath inside its can in the oven and the result is so rich and moist. Can’t be beat. Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations show went to Milo, ME which is very close to where I’m from and it has a great scene of a community bean supper where you can see homemade brown bread being served.

  • Kelsey October 3, 2011  

    Bread in a can? I can’t say I’ve ever seen that!

  • Chris J. October 4, 2011  

    This list is fantastic. The Strawberry Mac & Cheese is heinous, but I can see how that may happen after way too many jaeger bombs. My list(in no particular order) is as follows:

    1. Instant Mashed Potatoes: We decided to add slices of processed american cheese to give it some sort of definitive flavor. Needless to say it didn’t work. The finished product did make for a really durable wall spackle though.

    2. The Black Triangle: Un unrecognizable triangular mess of carbon that was originally supposed to be a grilled cheese. Turns out my roommate can’t operate a George Forman-style sandwich press under the influence of Andre Brut.

    3. Andre Brut.

    4. Clock Dust: Ok so my roommate ordered 3 pizzas from Dominos solely for HIMSELF. I begged and pleaded for a slice, stating that I’d “do anything” to get one. He graciously offered me an opportunity to lick the dust off the top of his wall clock. Yes…it happened.

    5. Hot Dog Sandwich: That’s right, I know you’ve done it. A couple of “Bar S” processed meat logs, sliced down the middle, on a toasted piece of white wonder bread, with a slice of melted kraft american, and ketchup. When I made this sandwich it literally made my roommate gag.

  • Jessica October 6, 2011  

    Andre Brut!! I’m adding Cook’s Brut, too. I once split a magnum of Cook’s with a girlfriend – at 10am. So gross.

  • erica October 6, 2011  

    i wish i could say there was some gross college food i would now eschew, but to be honest, i’m still not too good for Taco Bell on occasion. Or SpaghettiO’s once in a blue moon. Hamm’s. cheap whiskey in tea (i grew up and use brandy now).

    wait.. now that i think about it, Totinos Crisp N Nasty pizzas probably won’t ever show up at my house again. or boxed mac n cheese, though i totally eat the leftovers that my friend’s kid doesn’t touch 🙂 tortilla pizzas and butter noodles pretty much replaced them.

  • Emily October 6, 2011  

    @Jessica – Hey now, Cook’s isn’t the best champagne (duh) but I’ll admit I still drink it on occasion. Even at 10am, actually, ESPECIALLY at 10am. It’s called tailgate mimosas 🙂 And I guarantee I imbibe more than half a bottle.

    You can take the girl out of the Dawghouse, but you can’t take the Dawghouse out of the girl… (meaning I graduated from University of Washington three years ago, but my drinking habits honestly haven’t changed too much.)

  • Pingback: Half-Cheating: Frozen Dumpling Soup October 18, 2011  
  • Matt March 11, 2012  

    One time and one time only did I eat this…I was hungry and the only thing I had was 2 packages of ramen noodles with out the seasoning packets( no clue as to why they were missing) Cooked the ramen up in my electric hot pot, drained them and then added a huge chunk of velveeta cheese that somehow survived in the fridge for an undetermined amount of time.
    The taste was ok at best but the filling properties were amazing, i was not hungry for at least 2 days afterwards.

  • M May 29, 2012  

    My contribution to the list was developed by the guy I was dating in college: ramen with instant mashed potatoes and ranch dressing. I have trouble now remembering how exactly it’s made, but I think after cooking the ramen you keep only enough liquid to re-hydrate the insta-mash, then after it all congeals a bit add in ranch dressing to taste. Something about the mix of salty ramen seasoning and tart ranch made it good at the time…

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